haiz
i just received another email telling me that my team
is in the pits. of course i'm not going to comment
publicly since nobody ever gives a damn about what i
say anyway, so i'll just rant about it online and
smile when we meet tomorrow.
1) some seniors have never seriously corrected their
strokes despite making acknowledging grunts about it.
if you have these kind of seniors teaching juniors
how to row, dont bother about teaching good strokes
because they dont have it.
2) we have 3 water sessions a week. 4 or 5 anyone?
3) have you ever seen a junior do double sessions?
4) all i hear is weights weights weights, nobody
cares about stroke, understands the technique or
tries to increase efficiency. not bodybuilders.
sure. but notice that people are getting flabbier
muscles because they spend so much time swinging
weights instead of lifting them. i would suggest
individual stroke correction and practice along with
some utube videos. but i think we're too busy to
spend time on that before/after training.
5) did i mention we were too busy? where did that
term come from?
6) i dont want to master ntu's stroke. i am damn
f^ing proud of my coach's stroke. his name is
n.a.siman and he is the best! i wont go and learn
another teams F stroke. i believe in coach and
i know that if i do what coach asks me to do, he
can also believe in me.
i am not answerable for this post in real life.
lets keep what is electronic, electronic. if you
are really afraid of juniors reading this, then
dont talk about it. (or blame your own self if you do)
treats
i left school rather crushed today when i found out that
there was no workshop in school and the guys were at
kallang instead. its tough to plod on in life when it
seems that i cant remember the simplest of things but
i just get more and more absent-minded. names pop in
and out of my head each time i see faces and the funny
thing is that i always mouth the right name, but it seems
so friggin hard to recall. i'm wondering how i can
remember weird details like what the lecturer said but
not what i need to do the next minute or day and its
driving me nuts.
so i decided i'd try to spend the day making myself
feel better since i've been low after obs. i felt it
wasnt exactly life changing or enjoyable, so i bought
a subway sandwich before heading to work. i think it
must be the economy, but it seems that even the
ingredients have "cheapo-ed" down. there isnt so much
bite or freshness in the lettuce as before. then i
saw "gerry the moron" at borders on her way to getting
her dental done, she was so blur she didnt even
recognise who called her lah that moron. heh heh.
so before that, on my long ride to town i was
trying hard to remember what things were like in
the old times. which reminded me of the times when
i was the pacer. i remembered the first time i took
up the challenge because sid was so emo about being
it that i wanted to see how tough it really was.
it was tough for the first day, but i guess i got
the hang of it until i was able to pace well.
this kind of got me missing the champ a lot. i mean
i know that i could quarrel with him and after that
we'll still be good friends. we have that respect
where we didnt hold what was said against each other.
fire and forget i say. so i missed the feeling of
pacing with him. once we worked out our differences,
things were just real easy. i'm very comfortable
pacing with jackson. i remember because we were
always very composed and we'd win the other boat
even if junhong or edward was pacing. i also know
that jackson was one person who was willing to put
in that much effort to train. and now, i can only
hope his mom's operation went well. sigh, looks like
all i'm left is the elderly thing of reminiscing the
past, because nothing i can say or do is going
to bring this friend back
what term break?
wasted today sleeping in the comfortable library and
the last 3 days in the old commando camp in ubin. so
i kindda feel jaded that i really wont be able to catch
up on work because that took the wind out of my sails
and i'm intimidated by the amount of work i have to
finish.
it felt good to train today despite my fatigue. i felt
clean without any creatine, (but i'll take some soon)
and i was able to deliver the performance needed. i
think the stickman has grown stronger and i'm pretty
proud of it, and i know he will go far if he keeps at it.
clemence talked about seniors not trusting juniors. hey,
he's not alone. nobody trusted me to eat junk food. lol.
we trust and want to trust our juniors, but when we stay
longer, we have a sense of ownership and feeling for the
team that we really dont want juniors to wreck not matter
how good a friend we think they are. we dont want to let
you screw up OUR team, and we're just being safe about it.
the last thing we want you to feel is the angry stares
of 21 other guys when they find out that you were allowed
to be in the race with them and that you kept missing
training and your group leader was irresponsible by
sheltering you. we dont like regretting, or being unprepared.
there was another issue where yuan qi said that he needed
a good role model as a senior. question to ask is, did
we fail as seniors that one of our juniors cannot find
a good role model to look up to? i dont know. personally
each senior has an influence, but everyone stresses different
things. for one i stress form, others stress heavy weights.
who should one listen to? to do a heavier weight does
wonders for self confidence, but is it taking the easier
way out when it is much more difficult to do the same
weight with proper form? in the same manner where i've
argued with edward, if we let them off for form in the
gym so that they can hit heavier weights, are we going
to make a similar compromise in the water where they use
other muscles instead of training the ones they are
supposed to? i strongly feel that we shouldnt compromise.
product, process and people are determining factors of
success. what should we focus on and when? i think i
should remind myself that i see a role for myself in the
team as the whip, simply because it is the job that
people avoid. it is always easier to want to do things
so that one will be liked. i would rather be disliked
if my choice allows one to improve as a teammate.
products and processes are the easiest to focus on
especially when the only person involved is yourself.
how does one influence another if he does not want to
be influenced of hold himself accountable to others?
you cant. that is why i dont bother correcting strokes
anymore because nobody thinks they want to improve
their strokes anymore. its just strength strength strength.
what happened to the time when we used to cheer for
1 heart 1 soul 1 stroke? has everybody forgotten? i
know that jeff has changed as a person, but are we
going to deny that he did do SOME good while he was
there? i hate it when all the supposedly "nice"
people hide behind being nice so that they take
potshots at people. its so unreal man, isnt it just
another way for you to exercise influence while
hiding behind the "niceness", be a man and take a stand.
honestly, i hate it when the juniors dont bother
forcing themselves to learn coach's stroke. i force
myself each training to try harder to perfect my
stroke, especially when i know that my punching
arm may not always be straight or i dont dip enough.
but when i see people with bicept stroke or not
twisting it really cheezes me off especially when
they are still fresh, like the first warm up row
or first set. i dont expect mastery, but i expect
you try more such that no one has to nag you and
that people may complement you for improving your
stroke.
its quite funny how i see things that others dont,
and then a few weeks later people will say exactly
the same thing i said. sometimes it borders around
irritating. but if people actively think about solving
problems it will come intuitively.
its funny how everyone talked about how they enjoyed
the rowboat more than the cutter. (we changed to the
cutter during the rain, on the second half of the
journey) isnt it strange no one realized they were
cold wet and tired from the chilling rain until i
mentioned it? why is it so hard to distance yourself
from your feelings and look at the other factors? yes
its harder to row, but your friends were there. by
that are we implying that the true reason why we feel
jaded and sad is because we lose races? because the
friends are still there, but the conditions were
different. then do we let the conditions determine
our feelings?
i feel for the team very strongly, but theres no
way i'm going to express it when everyone i see is
just so selfishly pursuing his own agenda. we're
all friends, but if we dont save ourselves by training
hard and training well, we're just making a lot of
noise and we'll be bleeding and tearing when the
time comes.
2 wolves
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about
a battle that goes on inside people. He said, ' My
son, the battle is between two ' wolves ' inside us all.
One is Evil. - It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow,
regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment,
inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is Good. - It is joy, peace, love, hope,
serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy,
generosity, truth, compassion and faith. '
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then
asked his grandfather: ' Which wolf wins? '
The old Cherokee simply replied, ' The one you feed. '
3 days of old times
i cant wait to be out with nature again, that's
why i cant sleep at this ungodly hour of 0230. yes.
it is 1 day before the camp, but i can sleep on
the bus and i guess i might as well have some deep
sleep rather than lousy sleep anyway. i packed real
light, the habit of a seasoned traveler. i still
had time to put in snacks though, 4 packs of mnms
and 2 bottles of juice. heh. what food ban man?
giving thanks
i thank you Lord for the As you've sent my way,
even when i didnt do anything special to deserve them
i thank you Lord for the strength to finish my work,
even when all i can do is sleep afterwards.
i thank you Lord for friends who lend me VCD,
(ok ok, just the beast who lent me BAND of BROTHERs leh!)
even if all i can do is save it on my computer
i thank you Lord for my brother's irritating girlfriend
even if all i ever tell her is that she's a moron
(yes you are. and stop grabbing my arm in school!)
i thank you Lord for juniors to lead as they help me grow
even if all i want to do if yell at them to learn faster
i thank you Lord for nick who tells me abt the stuff i miss
even though i really miss having a neighbour on the boat
(i promise you i'll go for the ironman)
didnt work
couldnt drag myself out of bed this lazy thursday.
that means i effectively didnt do any work or
train. oh well, a tired man needs to rest.
did well for circuits today. wouldnt get into
trouble with the weights i did. besides i'm fine
with doing less for deadlifts since most of the
guys dont seem to be doing it properly anyway.
sigh. i'm confident. yet i know that people
will be disappointed when race day comes because
they will feel that all their hard gym work
has been for naught. but they never stopped to
question if using their body weight to swing
weights has been effective. or if they have learnt
to master the proper stroke.
haiz. why do i like to stick myself in impossible
situations where nobody lets me do anything to
change it. well, i'll follow orders of course.
but if nobody is correcting their forms, then we'll
just have to accept the results...
hmmmm
'bas
just lemmie get to the date where all my batchmates
go. haha. we'll just leave this team to the juniors
and pang seh!!!!
work
i did another double session today. skips with
core in the morning with some light weights and
the rowing machine with pull ups. nice light
and primes the body for improvement.
quite shack lah, but on my way to be joe no. 2
sian circuit tomorrow. think i'll whack
core and pull ups in the morning
dependency
i had a vegetarian diet and i stopped taking creatine
today. goodness the amount of power i could deliver
seems to have decreased and i did fewer sets to boot.
wind conditions made my coxing terrible today and i
feel rather jaded about it. one of the reasons besides
the strong current were that 2 right rowers didnt
seem to put in effort in the water. yes. wtf...
so i kept countering left. combined with the strong
currents, it was terrible. i kept losing my balance
when i hardly if ever lose my balance.
oh well. paid back by hitting around 150 push-ups
and 70chin ups. looking forward to double training
tomorrow. oh. maybe new protein soon!
democracy this democracy that.
my lecturer's interest is to apply democracy to different
states, and not surprisingly he comes from the west. jk
i dont mean to imply western disenchantment . now, i like
democracy too but i'm kindda wary of the way he
thinks democracy should be implemented everywhere.
snap, presto, just like that!
i hate to say this but let us look at the conditions in
thriving western democracies to see what conditions
resulted in this change of government.
firstly, war and oppression or oppression then war.
the united states fought a war against british imperialism
before they could institute democracy to govern themselves.
and that was only after they had enough of the brits which
culminated in the boston tea party. so firstly, life has
to be really crappy till you're cheesed off enough to
to say aha, i want independence and i want a say in governing
myself because the self interested elites just want to
enrich themselves.
oppression in england because of the petition of right
where the king could not tax without parliament's
permission.
oppression in france by the monarchy which resulted
in the revolution.
the end of world war 1 before democracy started in
germany.
and the list goes on. i could (toungue in cheek)
claim that we are all in democratic transition because
we are just waiting for conditions to be bad enough
before we get sufficiently fed up and try to put more
effort in governing ourselves. so ingredient no. 1
is oppression, why blame non-democratic governments
they are on the path to democracy if cycles can be
predicted by history.
the second reason (and more importantly) why i feel
democracy should not be implemented everywhere is
because of the premature formation of the state.
authoritarian territorial consolidation had to be
established before democracy can begin. because only
with established structures such as a sufficient
military and police force can states keep order.
also there is a need for a centrally established
judiciary that is acknowledged by the people to
have jurisdiction over them that a state may be
peaceably be administered.
when territorial boundaries which made up what
constituted states were abruptly demarcated, the
central government did not always have the means
to subjugate the whole population. this lead the
government to be more authoritarian in response
to the disorder in their country so that they
can achieve order.
so ironically, you need order and stability in
a state before you can have creative disorder
through democracy, so that you do not undermine
the initial order. (lol, by that argument isnt
it implicit that we are maintaining the old
power structure by other means? i didnt see the
aristocracy losing power when the citizenry
were enfranchised in england)
so democracy this and democracy that. i'm just
thankful my country is ruled by an enlightened
despot, so i'll wait for him to go and then
ensure that i motion to have enough rights so
that we can all ensure that this place never
lapses into despotism.
heh. like the premise or the intention can be
accomplished by the actions of one person. bleah
just a little more
weds must be my lucky day i tell you, since i
get to catch you around. so anyway, i wanted to
put up a little note to remember since tomorrow
is friendship day after all. i would have done
it earlier if not for mr chairman who wrecked
my mood, and my feelings of anxiety over my
paper assignment and intl rel test.
the first rays of the morning sun
the feel of fresh dew on grass
like the invigorating feel of the morning
may our friendship
ever pleasant
last.
'bas
right. anyway i came across something to remind
myself to point my achievements to God's blessing.
"Thus says the Lord: "Let not the wise
man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty
man boast in his might, let not the rich man
boast in his riches, BUT let him who boasts
boast in this, that he understands and knows
me, that i'm the Lord who practices steadfast
love, justice and righteousness in the earth.
For in these things I delight, declares the LORD"
- Jeremiah 9 : 23, 24
i have overcome, i will overcome, i am going to
overcome because i will stay connected to the
Lord who supplies all my strength in the times
when i am most weak.
the chariman
ok so i've met someone more naggy than me but who
really speaks without thinking. honestly, dude,
you're a control freak you know? and then when
i (i'm not gonna say others in case some good
friends who read this leak it to him *smiles*
yes lets minimize collateral damage and make it
personal) ask you for an explanation for your actions
you tell me i can't give one, because i dont like
justifying myself and its no point.
firstly, lets put it straight. we both kaopeh.
the difference is this, tell me how do you justify
what you say? i repeat what i have been taught by
coach and seniors while selectively absorbing advice
through my personal filters, background etc.
you, omg, 3 seniors can tell you the same thing
but you can still justify yourself by saying the
vice-cap told you to bend your elbow in recovery.
i really dont mind if you're confused or if you need
an explanation. i'll spend the whole day explaining
to you because its worth it. you just want to kaopeh
for the sake of it. and when you cant win an argument
you throw a fit! come on man! you're in engin not
the faculy of ass. i'm pretty sure you dont have an
excuse to be emo like us who are on the other side.
have a spirit of enquiry. ask, ask, and confirm again.
know your stuff till you can do it eyes closed or
when shack but dont gimmie nonsense by playing off
seniors. it friggin doesnt work. and my batch knows
this. dont try the this senior tell me this and that
and expect me to bother, i know my friends well enough
to be suspicious of them telling you something about
me that you can use to your advantage. no i really
dont care.
i'd give you the bottomline right here.
you are important, as a rower as a teammate.
you are not the least bit important for someone to
bother allying with you against someone else.
dont flatter yourself.
i enjoy mirroring your actions because i know that
it will bring to light what your perceptions are.
if you really think so much and hard about peoples'
possible implications behind an action, i wonder if
you can see what possible perception your action has
on others.
i teach you the stroke, you teach me how to live
my life. hrrmph. training is training, outside is
outside. i can choose to appear to be aloof if i
dont want to reveal my personality to you cant i?
you're just so predictable, telling me i need to
gain your respect. wanting people to understand you.
wanting people to oblige you. sorry man. wasnt
brought up that way.
i seek to understand you first. i limit my interference
to training. i only want the respect of knowing what
i am capable of. ( that way if others claim i am
arrogant i'll tell them its the truth, un-EMBELLISHED
in anyway as per the meaning of arrogance.)
i'm still waiting to pull you up. i'll still defend
your personality. i accept it.
i only cannot stand idiots so please, just dont be one.
my colourful campus life
it sucks having noisy bugger distracting me at level six.
its the library for goodness sake. i dont care about your
dad who's working overseas or that you will buy a new
house with your mom. yes dear the story you told your
boyfriend about the malicious girl was entertaining BUT
i dont need to know! pipe down. (not that the noise makers
will ever read this but at least i get this out)
its always a competition between who can outdo the other
in being more inconsiderate. last time it was the group
of tiongs who were partying one table away from me. now
its a ah neh couple who cant shut up and take their
flirting elsewhere. hello... can you please show some
respect to the locals who always give an arm and a leg
to be polite and fit you in.
no i'm not anti tiong or neh, i just think that they
just have really bad social awareness and upbringing.
pressing on.
the toughest week of my existance this sem
yes, i still have time to blog. maybe i've almost
given up. but i'm pushing on somehow.
chairman thinks i make him feel small.
nahhh
sad training
did a single session to tone down for the weekend burst.
i was dissappointed by my own performance today.
as usual i havent been hitting the team weights yet.
not for lack of training but it just seems that i cant
get there with proper form.
i've been doubling my dose of mass gainer (its still
half the recommended dosage) and creatine but i'm not
there yet.
i hit a 30kg bench press and 17.5 kg shoulder press
though.
i need help for my bend over rows and anything that
affects my back though. i'll admit i'm afraid.
i'm afraid of injury.
gym is a dangerous activity because anytime you
overload on a weight you lose control which is an
opportune time for injuries.
twisted joints, broken bones maybe death.
i'm afraid of being too big.
the idea of hitting more than 70kg is not
something i'd like to accept. bulk reduces
efficiency. i favour compact muscle development.
i'm afraid of being stunted.
yeah i'm not getting any taller.
and yes i know this fear is irrational.
like most other fears.
this probably plays a subconscious role.
yes this is a joke.
i'm a gym rat who hates the gym.
i apologise.
but i will support the team as far as i know
i wont get injured during training. i refuse
to sustain injury for the team.
day 3
double training again today.
conditioning exercises day
did 120 reps of lat pull downs
- 3 sets of 40 at 7 blocks
60 reps of bench press
- 3 sets of 20 with 10kg per side
60 side pulls
- 3 sets of 10 with 25kg both sides
36 incline rows (lean on bench)
-3 sets of 12 at 15kg
36 bendover rows
- 3 sets of 12 at 15kg
top up with triceps and biceps
100 pull ups
medicine ball, front and two sides
using a 5kg ball for 3 mins
15 mins of rowing machine
training is too slack when there are
more then 3 people in a group because of
the longer rest times. not good.
i need to do stroke correction of my juniors
along with flexibility which is much neglected
wonder how long i can keep up.
its miserable and i cant even "bump" into 'bas
but i know that there is a greater reward.
because i can sacrifice my whole social life
if only i can get back what is rightfully mine
day 2
hit double training today thanks to lap cheong.
did 3 sets of planks this morning with crunches
and leg raises. cleared 100chin ups. did some
flexibility exercises and plyometrics.
then i hit the water later in the afternoon.
i think it must be the creatine but i kindda
started coughing blood. ugh. terrible. made me
miss 3 sets of nice endurance rows where i
could test how many extra hard strokes i could
hit before reverting to the baseline hard stroke.
sian then too kan cheong and mis-cox the last set.
ok looking forward till tomorrow.
another buona vista run for cardio, back and arms.
think i'll throw in more flexibility exercises too.
and just so you know, my lower back hurts too.
i cant make every stroke perfect, BUT i can
definitely give i more perfect stroke than yesterday.
reminder: quads neglected
