work
when i work, i work, HARD.
its been a little more than 2 months
since i started working in the shipping
business and boy has it been tough.
with the ironman coming up and work
that doesnt end till 11pm at night, life
isnt easy when you're on standby for 24
hours.
but i guess its kindda treating me good
in a certain sense. i've had a pay
increase without actually asking for
it. so its getting closer to having a
real job now.
just need to stay on for a few months
before i'm stable enough to start something
new. hopefully. when we open the new company
we can start employing people even when we
are just over 25.
the money flows are starting to get more
visible. lets see how this goes
from catholic news
took this from
here.
some soundbites
Violence as such is potentially ever present
and it is a characteristic feature of our world.
Freedom is a great good. But the world of
freedom has proved to be largely directionless,
and not a few have misinterpreted freedom as
somehow including freedom for violence. Discord
has taken on new and frightening guises, and
the struggle for freedom must engage us all in
a new way".
we may distinguish two types of the new forms
of violence, which are the very antithesis of
each other in terms of their motivation and
manifest a number of differences in detail.
Firstly there is terrorism, for which in place
of a great war there are targeted attacks
intended to strike the opponent destructively
at key points, with no regard for the lives
of innocent human beings, who are cruelly
killed or wounded in the process. In the eyes
of the perpetrators, the overriding goal of
damage to the enemy justifies any form of
cruelty. Everything that had been commonly
recognised and sanctioned in international
law as the limit of violence is overruled.
We know that terrorism is often religiously
motivated and that the specifically religious
character of the attacks is proposed as a
justification for the reckless cruelty. ...
In this case, religion does not serve peace,
but is used as justification for violence".
"The fact that, in the case we are considering
here, religion really does motivate violence
should be profoundly disturbing to us as
religious persons. In a way that is more subtle
but no less cruel, we also see religion as the
cause of violence when force is used by the
defenders of one religion against others. The
religious delegates who were assembled in Assisi
in 1986 wanted to say, and we now repeat it
emphatically and firmly: this is not the true
nature of religion. It is the antithesis of
religion and contributes to its destruction".
"As a Christian I want to say at this point:
yes, it is true, in the course of history,
force has also been used in the name of the
Christian faith. We acknowledge it with great
shame. But it is utterly clear that this was an
abuse of the Christian faith, one that evidently
contradicts its true nature. The God in whom we
Christians believe is the Creator and Father of
all, and from Him all people are brothers and
sisters and form one single family. For us the
Cross of Christ is the sign of the God Who put
'suffering-with' (compassion) and 'loving-with'
in place of force. ... It is the task of all
who bear responsibility for the Christian faith
to purify the religion of Christians again and
again from its very heart, so that it truly
serves as an instrument of God's peace in the
world, despite the fallibility of humans.
"If one basic type of violence today is
religiously motivated and thus confronts
religions with the question as to their
true nature and obliges all of us to undergo
purification, a second complex type of violence
is motivated in precisely the opposite way: as
a result of God's absence, His denial and the
loss of humanity which goes hand in hand with
it. The enemies of religion - as we said earlier
- see in religion one of the principal sources
of violence in the history of humanity and thus
they demand that it disappear. But the denial
of God has led to much cruelty and to a degree
of violence that knows no bounds, which only
becomes possible when man no longer recognises
any criterion or any judge above himself, now
having only himself to take as a criterion.
the decline of man
"In addition
to the two phenomena of religion and anti-religion,
a further basic orientation is found in the
growing world of agnosticism: people to whom
the gift of faith has not been given, but who
are nevertheless on the lookout for truth,
searching for God. Such people do not simply
assert: 'There is no God'. They suffer from His
absence and yet are inwardly making their way
towards Him, inasmuch as they seek truth and
goodness. They are 'pilgrims of truth, pilgrims
of peace'. They ask questions of both sides.
They take away from militant atheists the false
certainty. ... But they also challenge the
followers of religions not to consider God
as their own property, as if He belonged to
them, in such a way that they feel vindicated
in using force against others.
"These people are seeking the truth, they
are seeking the true God, Whose image is
frequently concealed in the religions because
of the ways in which they are often practised.
Their inability to find God is partly the
responsibility of believers with a limited
or even falsified image of God. So all their
struggling and questioning is in part an
appeal to believers to purify their faith,
so that God, the true God, becomes accessible.
Therefore I have consciously invited delegates
of this third group to our meeting in Assisi,
which does not simply bring together representatives
of religious institutions. Rather it is a
case of being together on a journey towards
truth, a case of taking a decisive stand for
human dignity and a case of common engagement
for peace against every form of destructive force.
loss, mistakes and regrets
its always those small little things that happen that never fails to
surprise me. i've always thought that i was sufficiently enlightened
not to care too much about my possessions but it seems that i
still do, especially for a few rather "unimportant" to everyone else
bits. i have always identified with the belief that it is important
to be mindful of your possessions that it does not become
"attachment". what i mean is not that you cannot like your stuff
but that your stuff shouldnt define you that you grasp and cling
to it. so just like the buddhist who see attachment as a vice, the
christians also believe that you cant take physical possessions
into the grave with you. so there.
the item in question today was my student ezlink card from
uni. the last item which identified me as a student from a
particular institution. my matric card was lost somewhere around
the end of last year, probably about a year ago. which was
the reason why i stopped using the school gym since i would
be denied entry and it would be quite a hassle to have others
always opening the door for you. quite silly of me to feel such
an impact but it hit me hard. the emptiness in my gut and the
sense of a loss of a form of identity. considering i dont have a
uniform, thats about all i have left.
well, the card expired and i had just topped it up the day
before. in order to get a refund, my card would have to be
kept and then returned to moe. (for what? its not like they
are going to use it) so it was a choice between a memory and
10 dollars to use. i chose the 10 dollars. what i wasnt prepared
for, really, was the hollow i described. was it a mistake? maybe.
was it something i regret? i dont know yet. but here are my
attachments, memories and little pieces of identity, the
inexpensive things that are worthless to others. but which
are tangible and serve as a reminder of time, that can never
be grasped but has passed away. never to be re-lived but
distilled and captured in a trinket as a key to a store of
memories.
painted cows
today we will start with a question. if a cow paints its face,
will it look beautiful? maybe, to another cow, maybe,
to some people but i guess it wont make a difference to
most. a painted cow may be arresting but it wont be
beautiful. it may receive stares but if painting faces
is an attempt by the cow to achieve self validation then
i guess it may fall short of its mark.
it reminds me of one of my favourite spanish phrases
really. "Aunque la mona se vista de seda, mona se queda"
thankfully. people arent cows and they can change.
and it is only when we want something as much as we
want to breathe that we will have it. all it takes is a
willingness to change, discipline, support and lots of
hard work.
im pretty sure self validation is a better reward than
painted faces and nails.
oh wait. i forgot theres nothing better than new
clothes and shoes. and what better an excuse to get
new ones than that the current ones dont fit anymore.
oh well, it seemed to work better as motivation in the
gym.
stupid women
who doesnt agree these days that on average a woman
is better educated than a man, they can get well
paying jobs, and they do less risky and therefore
more intelligent things than men. well let me tell
you a story of stupidity due to the encounters i
have with one. one particular china born one.
"the woman" happens to stay with me and
my girl because she is my girl's best friend and
needs a place to stay. so she behaves territorially
because i'm a threat to the friendship between my
girl and her. she's extremely fussy and picky over
matters that dont concern her and very lax over her
own matters. well, the place where i fit in is that
i do the cleaning around in the house.
you see. she complains over the messy table. ants
or roaches or lizards in the house. how the kitchen
sink is full and how things are choking up the sinks
at home. now there is a difference being cleaning
because thats what im supposed to do and cleaning
on demand which is my choice to do. so by being so
territorial, cleaning her own stuff is her own
business since i obviously cant clean it well
enough. well. that goes and stays in the sink then.
well if it attracts crawlies, i'm not going to clean
it up for her. she can scream over it and kick a
fuss but those crawlies dont bother me. of course,
i guess its because i'm taken for granted since i
have washed her dishes when i'm doing mine as well.
china born people take it that you have to serve
them. goodwill? rubbish, you should have done it
all along!
well another thing she loves to do is to throw away
plastic bags which i hang behind the door. well, i
do that so that i can have easy reach for bags to
coat my trash bin. reduce, reuse and recycle
doesnt seem to ring with her. her mantra would
be waste since i can afford because waste is classy
and neat. maybe so, and maybe concern about the
environment is a distant foggy concept because
you know, it aint hitting you yet in singapore
but whats the big deal about me trying to do my
part? the bags dont even get in your way even if
it does make things seem neater. so i didnt change
the trash bin and let a few of her ant and flying
friends hang around to meet her. hey if you think
its such a big deal to make my life seem miserable
because i care about such minor things like saving
plastics maybe you'd like to feel the bump of
increased prices instead. either way, i'm less
affected than you are.
china people dont believe in environmental care.
if they can just be classy and meddle to show
that they are important it means way more to them.
well the last thing thats happening really makes
me even more happy about her stupidity. she's
dating a doctor/ director of the raffles hospital
in hong kong a certain drclarkcheng, whom i
think is really wonderful for her. why? because
he knows that her room is the best place to crash
without even being held to account for it.
its free! he doesnt have to pay. its emotionally
free too because he's too busy to commit to a
relationship with her. and there are benefits too!
especially if you see how her nightwear changes
when clark is around.
i like that guy a lot! he really knows how to
have his way with women. he has a host of other
nurses who are crazy for his gentleman affections!
i was told he opens doors and buys them lots of
gifts. i love it that they are all so gold-digging!
because after he leaves for home or for one of his
business trips they all start crying over how much
they miss him.
seriously. if a guy has cash, looks and position,
and if he has some intelligence do you think he
will accept you when you are no different from the
rest? what does she have? looks, height, boobs,
pussy? please so do all the other nurses. when
you ask him for advice on what you should do, he
tells you to do anything you want. he tells you
that even if he cant commit you're his only steady
one. he sends you lunchtime smses.
oh stop! he cant even have an intelligent
conversation with you when you put on that contrived
"english/ honky" accent. he has pandered to your
materialism but do you seriously think that he's
gonna marry you and produce seriously stupid or
freaked kids? unless of course you resemble his
mother which i goddamn hope you do. in the 1% of
fairy tale endings and dilberts management principles
i really really hope both of you get married.
(dilbert's principle is that you praise and
reward incompetence so much that they get
poached to another department. in this case
i have to make her seem really capable so that
the idiot will marry her!!!)
you'd be perfect for each other. and for me because
i assume you'd be moving to better places. and
you can finally 1) do the housework that i did or
2) employ a maid whom you'll have to worry about
stealing your cash/ jewelry/ bags or sometimes
even your husband. maybe that would help you with
appreciation but i guess you'd still find something
to be unhappy about. it seems that if you dont
complain, something about your life is incomplete.
it would make a great life for two unhappy people.
one who always wants more and another who believes
that he got the short end of the stick in the deal.
this doesnt even include the time that you
canoodled with the manager of your competitors
products because surprise, surprise! he's single
and stable. and then you worry that a lot of other
girls are also messaging him.
look being an adult, i fully understand the need
for companionship. i dont care even if you had
another 5 lovers i dont know about. but if you
care so much about "getting hurt" then i wonder
why you would put yourself in such a position
anyway. i really appreciate your naivety if
you really believe that this is the way to a
long and fulfilling relationship. cynics like
me love to be proved wrong simply because it
adds a certain amount of hope in our own lives.
but hey, peace man. what do i know. i only
do the cleaning in the house.
and clark, you bastard! enjoy the booty call
while its still warm and firm! i think the
players team will always be rooting for men
like you. (not to mention, you're living the
stuff movies and drama serials are made of)
jonathan larson
so anyway after watching the x factor and
there was this tenacious black kid singing this
cute song about some 525 600 minutes i decided
to google the song since i liked the back beat.
and i found out it was actually called seasons
of love and it was from the soundtrack of the
broadway musical
rent. the musical also has a
film adaptation. wonderful.
but whats in a name? wiki-ing it is pretty
inspirational and motivational because it shows
how much people go through to do what they love
"For about ten years
Larson worked as
a waiter at the Moondance Diner during weekends,
and worked on composing and writing musicals
during the weekdays. At the diner Larson later
met Jesse L. Martin, who was his waiting trainee
and later would perform the role of Tom Collins
in the original cast of Larson's Rent. Larson
and his roommates lived in harsh conditions
with little money or property."
and in this kind of living conditions, you wouldnt
expect someone to produce a song like seasons
of love. you'd imagine a rapper or rocker ranting
about how much they hate their life instead.
i really think it takes a different spirit to come
out they way he did with the musical.
so here's my 5 minutes of inspiration for the day
splashdown
countdown splashdown. one more race i wish i had
been more disciplined to train for (the other
would be 84k ultra). now i'm only confident of
clocking 2km out of that 5km swim. i can see myself
pulling 4 but 5 is going to be a lot of pain,
a lot a lot of pain. well i would have 3 hours
to complete my 100 laps so i'm not too worried
about the time but if my body can last in the
noonday heat. its gonna suck even more if we need
to wear swim caps coz the heat could well give
me a big big headache. not to mention i may feel
a little bit off since i cant get my sleep
schedule on track either.
but of course there are happier things in life.
i think my fastest time for my 50m free has gone
down to 38secs. my 100m free has gone down to
1.35mins and my 200m free is hitting 3.20mins.
those are encouraging timings because i've not
exactly been the most hardworking trainee but
i guess having the heart pays off. i'm very happy
that i understand swimming enough to be able
to help people swim better.
my goals
50m >> sub 30
100m sub 1.2
200m sub 3
1000m sub 15
4000m sub 60
planned time to complete swim next december
55mins - 70mins
