from green to black

birthday wishes

i think i've found the birthday wish that never occurred to
me in a way that i was able to put down in words. yes, how
silly! i probably thought about it hundreds of times, maybe
thousands but i've probably missed the forest for the trees
for so long.

i wish to be inspired every day for the rest of my life.

not happy, not content but inspired.

because happy for the sake of being happy really doesnt
mean anything. neither does contentment bring respite
for a world in the dumps. but inspiration. its different.
you find happiness because there is a hope of what can be.
you find acceptance of your current situation because you
know that there is something you can do about your
situation to make it better.

i was grateful to be reminded by the idmc conference
recently to begin with the end in mind. for a guy who
never intended to work, the end of getting a job is a big
mindset change to start being employable. of course,
with all the possibilities i wonder what is possible for
me to just settle for, but strangely i'm sure it doesnt
work out like that.

still, i'm betting on being inspired.

anyway, read in the news today about venus williams
withdrawing from the us open because of sjogren's
syndrome. its an autoimmune disease. it makes people
very very tired, and you cant sleep it of or snap out of it.

we had a medical doctor brief us about the symptoms
of burnout at the conference too. i am grateful to
realize that if i do suffer from burnout i am in good
company. i joked that i must have been a late bloomer
because john stuart mill had a nervous breakdown
when he was twenty, i only got mine when i was 25.
ok maybe 24 but you cant tell when you've got hit
when the breakdown is just somewhere along the
slide right?

anyway burnout can cause physical and mental
conditions. i think that autoimmune diseases are
the worse of the lot. maybe the doctors cannot find
anything wrong with you. maybe there isnt a cure
for it even when its detected. maybe the worst thing
is the dread that no matter what you will do, the
sentence is that you will NOT get better.

so imagine poor venus is as tired as you've ever
been tired. so tired after a hard days work after
a week of hard work after a month of non-stop
work in a year of fast paced work. and she sleeps
and she's still tired. and she stops working and
rests for a week and shes still tired. and no matter
what she does, she will not feel any less tired.
DAY AFTER DAY AFTER DAY!

when you burn out, you dont want to get out of
bed. and it may be like that for years.

now arent you lucky it didnt happen to you?

posted by green unseen @ 10:26 AM