effort
i'd start by telling you that i'm definitely not gay. but
if i were to look at fitness banners, my eyes just tend to
scrutinize the male model more, and first just like miq.
its something like going, sure, impress me, what did your
supplements and workouts do. and its funny, especially
for the black models, because their well sculpted bodies
more than make up for their faces. well, i mean you'd
rather be looking at a girls face if you're male right?
you see, its the unfairness of life. if you were female,
all you need are good genes for the face and height and
a little discipline and most of the time you wouldnt look
too terrible. for guys, you can look butt ugly, but you
can hit the gym. well maybe girls would complain that
they'd have to go for plastic surgery for the same effect
and it make guys luckier. thats not my point.
the point is the gym. it doesnt separate the haves from
the have-nots. what you get is what you put in. it
discriminates how hard and how much effort you put
into it. everyone walks into a gym with "some improvement
needed", but only some get the envious stare from other
guys. (its harder to get a guy's respect see)
effort is what makes you champion material. that
includes knowing what you are doing to do it well.
the hard work is mental as well. though you pick it
up on the way, it is not unimportant.
team elections are shaping up, we have more candidates
the question is what will be their positions? i sure
hope no body is going to harp on being a nice team
blah blah we need more action, proposals, how-tos to
get results. we need to propose plans to implement.
you know why things feel so fake? because the storming
process is always halted before it is fully normalized.
the kind of captain we get sets the agenda for next
year, without a clear vision, power will corrupt a
person. i hate to see who will be twisted in the end.
clarity
funny thing in life is that you always get what you dont want.
yeah, you'd plan, execute and just when you think you've got
it, you realize you've got what you dont want. its a universal
constant. you think taking honours in school means you get a
higher paying job, you graduate in a recession where people
tell you that you'll be lucky to find one. then you realize
that much as we are the masters of our own destiny, fate will
find its way centrestage.
as i try to reason with myself even more before i actually say
anything, especially since female traits are strongly exhibited
among this group of guys, and they are ever quick to take
offense since they dont have any better solutions, i will try
to limit it to the privacy of my blog. its funny how we used
to crack the joke, lane 1, edward. lane 2 team blah blah. it
was to show how much one person did, he could never accomplish
much by himself. of course there was a moral to the joke. but
what if i had lane 2, xyz primary school + 3 teachers ic? is
it fair to have guys who give all their heart out exerting but
dont amount to much substantially holding you down?
training is a weird word, everybody inexperienced has a different
understanding of it. i dont say my guys are training, i say they
are exerting because they are getting themselves tired, but the
tiredness does not lead to improvement. they like to give excuses
for their failures, because i'm weak, bad genes etc and no one
likes to take responsibility. its comical. but i've had enough.
i've had enough laughing at others stubbornness, the joke has left
a bad taste in my mouth. if the focus has always been the way
advice has been said rather than the advice itself, i dont think
i should put up with immaturity. my quest to find the toughest
guys in school should really move on to another sport. unless i
want to be an adonis, weightlifters dont float my boat.
i stay on for the people i'm carrying down with me jeffery, because
i owe him, joseph because i succeeded him, my old group leaders
because i should "outlive" them, and my batch because i'm a part
of them. when the season ends, there really isnt much to stay for.
i've passed down enough technique and advice to ben, so i've been
responsible enough to pass down what i've learnt, at this point
i cant say i'll feel guilty of being irresponsible. i'll
definitely miss the training intensity.
it tough, but i really need to be stronger than this, i can break
off any emotional entanglements. i'm not supposed to live like
this. there is no "i" in team, but the critics are the hypocrites
who are actually the most selfish and live of their life accusing
others. like they bothered with any background solutions. haiz.
have to endure 1 more month of enduring emotional cheapshots.
mentally mentally mentally
singaporeans cant take mental setbacks, living a life of perfection
must suck quite a bit. we all know its tough to climb up from the
back, but lifes like that. sometimes we're ahead, mostly we're
behind, but how we approach it is we fight. hard. our self-belief
isnt tested when our friends believe in us, its tested when we only
have ourselves to believe in. doing things wrong always results in
the wrong result most of the time.
so anyway, there's an international race coming and its your loss
if you let your lack of self confidence defeat you.
anyway i have a plan.
i think since marcus has such a big problem balancing because of
the imbalance of strength and power, and he can't take his rudder
out of the water because of that. i think we should send out the
junior boat instead. you see, the given argument is, if the strength
of the juniors is around the same, we can rudder out. also the boat
will be lighter so that may mean we could be faster. rather than
a grossly imbalanced boat which keeps rocking, and always has one
side much deeper in the water.
obviously, it doesnt sound good because, what happens to meritocracy
and we might not have enough rowers, both left and right anyway.
we cant even be strategic because what we have is what we have.
i cant blame all the people who have problems and cant contribute.
of course i wish angkongkia didnt have financial difficulties,
i think he'd make a good junior pacer. raymond and the girlfriend.
hell, i wouldnt know man, these situations are beyond me. too bad,
our sport isnt relationship friendly. it has seldom worked out for
anyone in this aspect.
this is a joke anyway. emphasis on training without understanding.
seniors who lack confidence. ahhh well, i'm still dumb enough to
believe.
the probability fallacy
take 30 men, make them do a test. record the results. plot
a graph. assume a normal distribution. interpret. voila!
results show a 2 peak, or fat tailed graph. the peaks are
10 seconds apart from each other. the fat tail consists
only of left rowers.
what inferences can be derived?
current is consistently resulting in 10 seconds of headwind
to right rowers. or current results in left having 10seconds
of extra help. (1)
left is stronger than right. current bias is negligible and
the results are sound. (2)
i will argue in favour of premise (2) for the 2 inferences,
noting that sample size is NOT random and that 10seconds is
a significant disparity.
conclusion, bad boat drift
recommendation focus on the essentials of a quick pull.
go figure the argument.
if all left should add 10secs because current not negligible
then left rowers like ian is clocking 2:29 and glen 2:33
they must be damn lousy and unfit.
- conclusion is improbable.
if right should subtract 10 seconds then those who did above
2:30 will no go below the average of 2:20 anyway. they will
still be weaker than left on timing.
- constants do not explain differences, if changing the result
does not change the overall results, change is not significant.
what is the likelihood of a 10second advantage current?
- in singapore, in a closed river system/reservoir. rofl!
and nobody wants to change, or believes they need to change yet.
1 man time trial
the man
66kg
left rower
51' wooden grey owl paddle
sp 1, inner lane.
2:10
the fastest wooden paddle time
joint 2nd for the left.
team average 2:20
i'm all ready for the big race!
old times
a slow 70km to changi and back reminded me of the old
times when i cycled with the twins. only this time i
was doing it alone. had 2 injuries on my feet and
every pedal was torturous. but i still had to go and
savour the pain, i felt the fatigue and need for sleep
catching up on me but i wanted to train myself to
persevere so i just pushed on. had 2 makan stops this
time which i hadnt done so since the twins again.
had some ice chng teng for the friggin hot weather
at adam road at 9pm and then our old favorite beef
kway teow at newton at 1am. i've not felt so drained
in a long time, and emo too( but its alright, when
i'm on my bike no one sees, hears or feels). life
is about suffering, and i've to do all i can to push
myself through. we always pay the price for aspiring
to be the best.
holiday planning
well had to do this since my brother will be going to
unimonash in melbourne and dad is going to sponsor my
ticket and maybe a few bucks. then i realized that i'm
heading there for 2weeks and at the wrong time since its
cold season and the attractions and the beach may not
be the best places to hang around. although if going
out in trunks when the weathers hitting 13degrees is fine
for you, well, thats your thing.
surfing around i thought i'd commit some thoughts to
posterity. i think my outdoor and food fantasies will
be fulfilled really nicely in tasmania. the island
is rather huge, and i thought it was the size of
singapore. 300km plus up and across, more through
exploration would probably take around 2weeks? so its
a great thought for an annual vacation.
my issue would be getting around the other states
when i'm in melbourne. gonna need to find some cold
weather attractions, scrimp by taking the night
trains, go far then make it back in time to take
a flight back home.
budgeting 100 a day for 10 days is 1k. chances are
dad might be tight fisted. so hopefully my job will
be able to cushion some of my expenses. i'm probably
overbudgeting but i guess it should compensate for
my frugal existence that i've led.
now, more research on transport, clothes and
attractions and hopefully my planning and contingencies
will allow me to have a fuss free holiday.
recently i went to "the central" to meet up with
hermains and vonney. and sher gave me quite cuckoo
directions lah. i actually walked to "central mall"
instead because that was what i found on the map.
"the central" was actually just above the mrt. lol.
cant trust a girl's sense of direction can we?
it was good meeting them, sher is graduating with
2nd lower. vonne is probably fine too. me? i
somehow dread my graduation since i *know* i'm
not going to have the grades to show for it. but
i'm ok, i know that its not my point either.
well, maybe someday i'll be able to organize
one nice class gathering. problem is, i'd have
to find everyone first. oh well.
normal people
had a great time with my management and organization group
at the hong kong cafe straight after training on tuesday.
amazingly i wasnt the latest to arrive, instead it was my
learned friend from the bukit timah campus.
good time chatting about stuff, and the amusing details of
his recent breakup. he's fine now, so i guess he should be
fine about me joking about it.
here are some pictures, and i'm a happy man.
save maybe the missing beautifully imperfect girlfriend.
a normal day
i felt like a human being. that was to say i've been
feeling better than i've felt in some time. i dressed
up, did my hair, wore boots instead of slippers and
walked around orchard road acting normal. it was a
much needed reprieve from school and trainings which
hard started to take its toll on me.
first i went to meet my aunt for lunch at this place
in paragon which sells soba. i never knew it could
taste so good after my bad experience with airline
food. well she paid and that was my good start to the
day.
then i sat down at coffee bean and sinned with an ice
blended and a warm chocolate cake. sid was late, so
i had time to kill before going to the locksmith to
get our keys refunded. i walked around paragon, which
i would do with him again a little later.
met yifang whom we convinced to follow us for entertainment
value. we even spotted lap cheong's sister in paragon!
and she looks so much like him. educated sid about food.
well, my wishlist has 2 new items now (lots of cash
not included) membership cards for borders and kinokunia
and a whole lot of coffee table books mainly featuring
food. i had this dream of a coffee table with a few
controversial books, then i'd invite a few friends
over and watch them argue for entertainments' sake.
with some fine food and great company, its one of the
few pleasures i'd wish for.
i feel so much better now.
and i'd dream about causing trouble for school by
cooking in the canteen during lunch. i'd purposely
make something fragrant. i'd have 2 placards that
read students against bad food and food with friends.
all i have to do is pre-prepare the ingredients,
get a portable gas stove, bring supporting devices
and wait for the commotion to come about naturally.
i'd film it and claim its a project to avoid too
much trouble though.
if only someone could get me those cards, books and
fresh ingredients. i'd get my ass off this chair and
start cooking. if only dreams came true...
money
the cookbooks that i want friggin cost more than my
darn uni textbooks! wth! its not like i'm playing for
a friggin degree man. but at 30-50 a book, there no
way i can afford that, buy ingredients to cook
and have enough left over for the rest of my holidays.
yeah the books are worth it. i am so gonna have to
think of ways to make money right now.
sacrifice
it never fails to amaze me how people keep forgetting one simple
truth, if you want to be good you have to suffer. it really sucks
to have extremely cocky people around who have balls too big for
their heads and then blaming their failures on anything but
themselves. there are people around who have given up pay,
social life and relationships, indulgences (food for me) just
so that we can be a little better, a little stronger than
yesterday. sadly, all i have around me are new urban male
wannabes. ok so some of them actually qualify to hold a job
there. but if you just want a hot body to attract girls, could
you get away from the serious sportsmen coz you're giving us
all a bad name.
this was from the sms that said," i'm too tired to go training
tomorrow, think i'll go gym instead."
that is such a bright statement you know. if you're tired then
you should be resting not hitting the gym. if the gym is so
relaxing, then can you please join health and fitness club.
because you still get to meet chicks there, you meet manly
girls and girly men doing what you do.
damn, now i'm hungry.
insomnia
i hate that word. i hate how its bandied about by people
who try to make it sound cool when its not. its a really
terrible feeling, when you walk around all day knowing
that you're running on empty and you'll never feel rested.
i'm begging for sleep. i'll do anything to sleep.
i'm gonna fake a cough to the doctor to get codeine,
because this is really driving me nuts.
passions
now, that i may have more time, its right for me to start
cooking again because i like the way my cooking tastes the
most. also, because i like to try make things from scratch,
i'm hoping i wont have too many kitchen disasters. i just
think its more authentic but of course i wont mind
cheating (read - store bought) with some prepared or frozen
stuff once i've mastered the basics.
i'm checking out this
site. so far all the cooking is ang moh, but i
guess its fine, since its the baking and pastry making that
i want to master.
i guess apart from that i can get my motorbike license,
which i really wish i had more cash to do so.
Labels: cooking lessons
sinned
father forgive me for i have sinned, i have uploaded food
porn on the internet and thus inflamed the gastronomic
lusts of my fellow human beings. it was not my intention
to lead them into temptation or surrender to the hideous
organic deity called "fat". i renounce posting enticing
pictures that would lead into consumption. dear father,
deliver us from the feeling of constriction as we put on
our clothes after we have succumbed. all this i ask, in
your tasty name, amen.
ooops, sinned again.
my cooking, yeah, forgive me.
so since i've concluded i'm not the studious type, i've
been thinking about all the other weird stuff to do
instead. and i came up with all sorts of funny ideas
while thinking of things to cook. i do grills well,
but its funnier if you give some funny name to some
eastern dish to cook up. like 3 treasures chicken
or holy temple soup or buddha sits on an airbus, that
kindda thing. i cant wait to start cooking
thankfully
i am ever so grateful that democracy doesnt, and has
never worked in singapore. if the aware meet was a
portent of what singapore would become in such a case
then though i loathe to say it, the dear leaders are
right. and the media reported the militancy of the
women so positively! i was wondering if it actually
approved!
feminist theorists might actually find that a world
ruled by women could also go down the path of war instead
of claiming that they have been marginalized in international
relations theory.they would simply use the men as tools
and blame it on the men and again claim marginalization.
of course the new-old guard would be fine with the
booing and jeering because it was their supporters,
would they be fine if round 2 came about with the
old-new guard having twice as many and doing the same?
then again, i guess women have a right to bad behavior,
after all, they were endorsed by the men.
'por'litically incorrect
singapore is a young nation. kindda conjures up images of
kids who cant stop squabbling. kick, pinch, bish-bash,
push, i'm telling mom. it happens between governments;
like when our dear leaders bicker with their counterparts
across the strait, when banks cant settle structured
investment products with their "ignorant" customers, or
when a civil society group goes into a power struggle. of
course if you are more AWARE, you'd just call it a catfight.
the solution is always the same though, kids run to papa
and mama to redress their grievances. so governments run
to the world court to resolve differences over white rocks,
we've got CASE to save "poor" ignorant investors, and we've
got the government to tell us that religion and politics
shouldnt mix. that is a funny thing because the last thing
i remembered from school is that civil society groups are
politically autonomous. read, free from government intervention.
but i guess the idea is the same, squabbling singaporeans
dont grow up and we always need someone else to do our
thinking for us and tell us what to do. why do you think
our administrative nannies hold on to their jobs for so
long? definitely not because of fixing the opposition!
of course the objective of this article isn't to criticize
anyone. i wouldnt want a lawsuit from stiff necks who cant
laugh at themselves. i just want to air inflammatory views
that mature audiences can neutralize by rationalizing it.
ok, maybe not. my point is that we cant be expected to grow
up when we always resort to having higher ups resolve a
local problem for us.
now, what i found rather interesting was the instances of
polarization that i noticed. upfront would be christians
against the rest, a subset would be religious groups
against each other. christians among themselves as they
disagree over methods, which really isnt the issue since
the group in question was secular, obviously the methods
used would be closer to what is seen in the secular world.
the mistake these christians make was the assumption
of a prior religious agenda on which the actions appeared
aggressive. yeah, they have a feminist mentor and they are
from the same church, but i dont see where they have deviated
from helping homosexuals rather than supporting their beliefs.
and as they were democratically elected *ahem* i seriously
doubt that they were voted in because of their religious
platform. i also hate the way democracy is abused in this
manner because singaporeans seem to be unable to accept
the results of an election, arent we destroying democracy
by calling it illegitimate because the results did not
fall in line with our expectations? its like the pap saying
the opposition's victory is illegitimate because they should
have won! elections work if we can live with the results
of their consequences, if not the executive should just
be appointed. no wonder Churchill said that democracy is the
worst system save the rest.
now that i've addressed the petty issue of conflation and
methodology, i'll go back to the idea of discourse. we
know why suspicions abound in the religious arena, like
businesses, better advertising and marketing result in
more sales, if you're losing out in this area you should
solidify your support base by preventing transfers. ok,
things dont work like that, we were afraid when far right
islamists tried to take over the world by trying to drop
planes and towers on our heads. vitalstatistix was right!
the thing is, we shouldnt impose one religion's view on
the rest of the world, no arguing with that, but to prevent
discourse by linking a person to his religion is pure
discriminatory. that they go to the same church is a fact, but
to say that they *must* have a religious agenda is not.
and i have already made the distinction between supporting
homosexuals and supporting homosexuality. using christianity
as a punching bag to discriminate before they have acted
is cheap and below the belt.
what should be done however was to find an internal
consensus without *hints* by the government or spectators
who are disinterested except for having a platform to
meddle. i would say one is disinterested if he is not
a part of the organization, interest should be consistent
with internal change, exceptions would be like the opposition
telling pap how to run itself. meddlesome behavior is just
a platform to achieve political ends without the costs.
discourse is essential even if another's view makes us
uncomfortable, that is the key to tolerance. we dont
tolerate something we like.
christianity has always been discriminated against because
the costs of persecuting christians are low. othering by
racial groupings are also popular because of the sense of
estrangement having different beliefs cause, especially
with the sense of cognitive dissonance it brings about.
in the chinese case for example, one would say christianity
is a western religion but so is buddhism but no one says
that. pure chinese religions would be confucianism or
daoism, because they originated in china. buddism in my
understanding originated from india which is WEST of china.
in the same way, chrisitany originated in israel which
is to china's west, but in the middle EAST. if my knowledge
of geography doesnt fail me, it is still on the asian continent.
wouldnt it be great if we kept people ignorant of the facts
to prevent them from jumping onto the bandwagon of
increasing popular christianity. preventing the public
dissemination of all information means people will
be forced to rely on others to make their choices.
however discourse is discouraged because if we can prevent
singaporeans from being sure of their decisions, they will
always be dependent on governmental input. and that, to
any ruling power is necessarily a good thing. it has been
said that one who will not stand for anything will fall
for everything. taking a stand may make others uncomfortable
but discourse allows a truly organic equilibrium, fear
mongering by the government in claiming that it will result
in chaos in multi-ethnic singaporean is testament to their
irresponsibility in building a truly responsible population.
one that they refuse to trust anyway.
it is most certainly very easy to be well liked when one does
not need to stand up against the norm, ( for proof that its
easy to fall in love with bums, most women will tell you
they married one) the opposite according to adrian tan a few
posts earlier is to be hated. but maturity is just that,
to give voice with confidence and be ready to stand corrected
with humility. polarization or no, what we should say yes
to is growing up.
