drive
lately i've been going to a place where i stand at the expense
of eternity and i marvel at its vastness. its not somewhere
physical really but a higher plane where we are lifted onto
when we immerse and try our best to understand things from
another persons life as if looking through their eyes. i'm
looking at colours and contrasts, highs and lows, times of
plenty and of lack. i get so see what others have achieved
from the effort they put in and the enormous amount of talent
that they are blessed with.
and that is just 1 person. multiply that by the millions who
have their own story to tell and i feel small and humbled.
today's story is about objectives and fulfillment. we set
objectives because we believe that achieving them will bring
us satisfaction and happiness. we endure and sometimes even
savor the difficult journey because we believe in the value
of the prize that we would count our "sufferings" as a worthy
investment.
i'm wishing that i can find that.
its a funny thing because this always leads to history where
we look at the past to see where we have gone amiss in finding
our path through life. i remember the time when i used to
WANT things. simple things. go to jc, university or maybe
even a chocolate bar. i guess the way i was brought up,
materialism never did find its way into my lifestyle. the
latest fashions i usually found too tasteless to justify
their expense. possessions which i knew i would hardly use
if i bought them were passed over due to my pragmatism. the
only thing i indulged in was food.
funny thing that the thing that i should have wanted most to
be driven to be successful should be money, something i took
a dislike to when i saw its effects on human relationships.
but it is a very basic measure of success and something
really simple to put as an objective. you have it or you dont,
you have more of it or less of it than you had yesterday.
you find the course of action that brings in the most of it
in the shortest amount of time, but most importantly, the
more time you are willing to work means the more you can
take home. of course its limited by time and your physical
needs but therein lies the point that such a simple objective
coupled with a through plan and desire makes for driven
individuals.
of course we could say that drive is more than objectives
plans and desires. we could elaborate about personal
achievement, emotions, the expectations of others or plain
forced circumstance. but i would say that we are just expounding
on what objectives a person feels is imperative for him
to fulfill.
well what happens is that i need to find an object of
fulfillment. i realized i never really had drive drilled
into me. in fact i was taught contentment. to be driven you
always have to be "just a little" dissatisfied with what
you have, to want "just a little" more than your lot. i
have always thought that smacks of greed but i guess my
mindset is what needs a little smacking. its something
where i have to learn to want, to crave, to feel that
its worthy for me to strive towards that i may be
fulfilled. i dont see the sense in that when objectives
are but for a season. chasing something that doesnt last
to change it for something different that doesnt last
seems meaningless. even if i were to adopt the christian
conception of eternity, paradise doesnt appeal because of
the obscure condition of its commands. either i do all
or nothing at all. being driven to paradise almost seems
inconsequential if one considers its hollowness on earth.
i want something that is suited for me to crave. we all
need to find meaning somewhere and its a terrible thing
that religion seems to be among the more popular vendors
because the costs for membership are just too low and the
payouts do not come with guarantees or refunds. you need
to die to get your entrance pass to the afterlife you know.
i'm really proud of how amazing some of my friends are.
maybe if i'm so successful, some of them will be proud
of me too. but why is it i would rather be held back
because the most precious things to me are values?
from my phone
i decided to hang around the library in the hopes of
picking up a "teach yourself vietnamese book". instead,
i found meself a book of quotes. they are especially
encouraging because they remind me of what i think i
am and how i used to be.
Invictus
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.-wiliam ernest henley
I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said:
Two vast and trunkless legs of stone stand in the desert.
Near them, on the sand, Half sunk, a shattered visage lies,
whose frown And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed.
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.
-percy b shelly
isnt it strange
that princes and kings
and clowns that fool around
in sawdust rings
and common people like you and me
are builders for eternity
each is given a bag of tools
a shapeless mass
a book of rules
and each must build
while he has life
a stumbling block or a stepping stone
- r l sharpe
if you can keep your head when all about you
are losing theirs and blaming it on you
if you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
but make allowance for their doubting too
if you can wait and not be tired by waiting
or being lied about, dont deal in lies
or being hated, dont give way to hating
and yet dont look to good nor talk too wise
if you can dream and not make dreams your master
if you can think and not make thoughts your aim
if you can meet with triumph and disaster
and treat those two imposters just the same
if you can bear the truth you've spoke
twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools
or watch the things you gave your life to, broken
and stoop and build them with worn out tools
if you can make one heap of all your winnings
and risk it on one turn of pitch and toss
and lose and start again at your beginnings
and never breathe a word about your loss
if you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
to serve your turn long after they are gone
and so hold on when there is nothing
in you except the will which says to them
hold on
if you can talk with the crowd and keep your virtue
or walk with kings nor lose the common touch
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you
if all men count with you, but none too much
if you can fill the unforgiving minute
with sixty seconds worth of distance run
yours is the earth and everything thats in it
and
which is
moreyou'll be a man my son
- rudyard kipling
it is
NOT the critic who counts,
nor the man who points out
where the strong man stumbled
or where a doer of deeds could have done better
the credit belongs to the man in the arena
whose face is marred by dust
and sweat and blood,
who strives valiantly, who errs ,
and who comes up short again and again,
who knows the great enthusiasms
the great devotions and spends himself in a worthy cause
the man who at best knows the triumph of high
achievement and who at worst, if he fails, fails while
daring greatly, so that
his
place will never be with those cold
timid souls who never knew victory or defeat.
- theodore roosevelt
will you realize once and for all that
it is not death that is the source of a
mean and cowardly spirit, but rather
the fear of death. against this fear
then i would have you discipline yourself....
there is no use spending your life
agonizing over the things that are not
dependent upon your will, such as
money, possessions, fame and political
power. likewise, there is no use trying
to avoid things that are not dependent
upon your will such as the tyranny of
a ruler, imprisonment and physical danger.
those who merely tremble and mourn and seek to
avoid misfortune ought to be pitied.
what would have become of hercules
if there had not been a lion a hydra, a stag and a boar
and unjust brutal men, whom he drove forth and cleansed this world of?
what would he have done if there had been nothing
of the sort? is it not plain that he would have
wrapped himself up and slept and slumbered all
his life in ease and luxury? he would never
have been a hercules at all!
what use would he have made of his
arm and his might and his endurance
and noble heart had he not been stimulated
and trained by such perils and opportunities?
-epictetus
come, my friends
tis not too late to seek a newer world
push off, and sitting well in order smite
the sounding furrows for my purpose hold.
to sail beyond the sunset and the baths of all
the western stars, until i die. it may be that the gulfs will
wash us down
it may be we shall touch the happy isles,
and see the great achilles, whom we knew.
tho much is taken, much abides, and tho we
are not now that strength which in old days, moved
earth and heaven, that which we are, we are.
one equal temper of
heroic hearts,
made weak by time and fate,
but
strong in will.
to strive, to seek, to find , and not to yield-alfred lord tennyson
some posts from my mobile phone from the library
ill tidy up when i get to an actually computer. (done)
be inspired.
