st francis
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
when there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
Grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand,
to be loved as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying [to ourselves]
that we are born to eternal life.
Note: This Peace Prayer of St. Francis was found in Normandy
in the year of 1915. Its author is unknown. The prayer was
written on the back of a card of St. Francis, from which the
name was derived. Some believed Francis wrote it while others
believed otherwise. The last line was both quoted with and
without the wordings "to ourselves". There is no conclusive
evidence to which is the true historical edition. In both
cases, the same message remains.
left out
We had another happy soccer outing, though it was
probably cut short by the rain, i guess we were tired
as well anyway(army does that to you) . some of the
guys from last week didnt make it, but many others
did. so the numbers were around constant. mike lee,
deon chiew, gavin, aaron nathan, matthew, jason poh
and justin lee filled in david, jiawei, yuanzhang,
melvin, jervois and daoxiang's boots. jasmine and
some brmc people were there as well.
i guess you'd feel left out when almost everyone is
an officer or has stepped into ocs. the mood is really
different too between those who have ord and
those who are clearing and me who is just gonna
go high key again. sigh if only its in my character to
just not give a damn about that kind of work.
waste waste waste
I paid $70 for a damn biometric passport that aint
at all great. i can't bend it and it probably is a tracking
device since it has an antenna (excuse my cynical
paranoia). and damn the queue was 2 hours long.
wow no wonder singapore can pay its civil servants
so well. the government is pure ripping us off man!
and thats waste number 1. Number 2, i sat through
my brothers crappy school presentation which my
mom who must have the right opinion thinks itwas
fantastic. so once more another arguement. sigh
number 3. i wasted my whole day playing warcraft
campaign on single player. damn and i still have to
use cheats. looks like comp games are no no for me,
5klick run please?
well i dont feel guilty though. i've completed my
planning for the trip(so far for what i had to work
with). i've applied for relief teaching (so now all i
can do is wait.) and i've collected my civilian
glasses, yay just wait for ord.
oh well looking forward to soccer at barker
tomorrow. ooohhhh and i'm gonna be platoon
sergeant. sian ord still must high key training.
new men are coming in on monday. time to polish
those boots!
11
played soccer at barker today and i'm
happy to see the old faces again. more mature
but still a kid at heart faces. alan ang,
yuan zhang, jiawei, jervois, jin sheng, guo sheng
daoxiang, alvis, zhudong and melvin managed
to make it. we're all getting old so it was the
presence that counted.
went out with lionel to check out bags and
sportswear yesterday. someone asked lionel
to be a model so since mr wong was talent
scouted he cant make the i'm not good looking
enough to get a girlfriend excuse. looking
forward to the backpacking trip
el problema
In the dreary world of army that i live in, it was
once asked of me while i was reviewing the actions
of the platoon. why should we being mere riflemen,
conform to your exacting standards of discipline and
(esp) punctuality when in our unit it can clearly be
seen that our leaders, especially those in the HQ and
planning side who even though are ranked much
higher do not behave in the way they expect us to
behave? furthurmore we who are chronically
understaffed and subject to hard physical labour
and in contrast with them, are not even compensated
for our efforts. why then should we who are
shortchanged such not do the same?
For one i agree with their point that in any hierarchy,
especially one such as ours where the top brass are
in contact with us daily, their actions are used as the
benchmark of behavior. it is ingrained in our army
culture. the one with the greatest appointment is the
one to take the responsibility. hence his behavior
must be upheld at all times, because even when he
is off duty, his actions are never sacrosanct, more so
when simple tasks are not accomplished when he is
on duty in front of his subordinates. Hence when
asked by a senior commander of whether junior
commanders are less capable these days, one would
have to look within and be critical of ones own faults.
(which if i may interject is nearly impossible in this
face-saving culture)
This is not a situation localised at where i am at but
one that occurs across the army. talking to captains,
it is in their experience too that as OCs in company
level, they dislike working with the battalion HQ.
if such a pervasive problem is felt by all underneath,
isn't it compounded when the men observe this daily,
not matter how good an example one may set it is
quickly negated by these people with double standards.
It is fact that life is unfair, equality is rarely a realised
ideal. years of service and also perhaps suffering
at the hands of even more inept people has caused
these leaders to become the very things they hated.
along with self preservation, selfishness and self
interest our needs will be secondary to theirs.
But, if we are to pay them back their own coin. we
are then no better then what we abhor. and the
principal of psycological transference is put in
effect because while we consciously tell ourselves
what we hate, subconciously our fixation on the
behaviour reinforces what we become.
Although my second point will not support my
previous paragraph. It is more realistic to admit
that not all would be so character concious and
magnanimous to be convinced that my previous
point will suffice as the inspiration needed to
keep discipline. so i told them that they needed to
know the ropes, should they want to do the
same someday they should know every bit of it.
hence knowing it inside out through being subject
gives them the first hand knowledge and experience
to make their future less assailable by those
who will be in their shoes and unhappy with
their decisions.
Compliance is also safety. it puts us in a position
that is safe from the judgement of the law. as
we do not have the resources like those above
to get us out of trouble. those above will influence
their friends who are also the procecutors and
the judge to mitigate their wrongs. they are able
to pay their fines and they would still be able
to have a future under those friends. we would
have to wait till our comtemporaries attain such
positions before we can be ensured that we will
be supported.
But for whatever course of action you may choose.
Be that of the rebel or of the saint, your reputation
to undermine or to obey sticks with you. whichever
way you deal with your unhappiness, venting it on
others or imploding upon it yourself bear in mind
what you gain and what help it will do and which
innocent third parties you inadvertently hurt.
emotions
its funny how emotions dictate how we do things.
it makes life colourful because it helps us make
mistakes. haha. kidding, a better word to use
would be irrational decisions some of which are
viewed as mistakes while on the flip side of the
coin maybe the most noble thing on earth.
it fascinates me how much people cannot accept
blame and in the process try to lay blame on
others even when they clearly are at fault. how
wounded pride can be a just cause for anger and
unbecoming actions. sigh.
would you ever sacrifice the need to get even on
the emotional wounds inflicted on you to achieve
your goals? at what cost to yourself? what do you
achieve? and do the needs justify the ends?
at what price? peace.
tribute to jun
jon and i sent jun off at the airport today. she's gone
back to boston and she'll be there for a year or so.
its amazing what goes through our thoughts as the
celeb of the moment takes off. wen talked about
missing her so much that she dreams about it. i
wondered who was more afraid in these kinds of
situations, jun or her parents. jon was outwardly
stoic but he was sniffing all the way to cityhall, but
still waters run deep.
we hoped that you enjoyed your time here in singapore.
i certainly did. i'm grateful that she took the effort
to invite the class to her birthday. and for those who
came it gave us a chance to exchange pleasantries.
a welcome aberration from our busy lives.
i am also encouraged that one of us dares to step
out to relatively uncharted and unpredictable
waters. and feels passionately about it.
but like the rest, she has gone on to better things.
i should too. she will be missed
depresion sets in
you can actually tell from the title. but of course that
would make the event less significant than it actually is.
i've been dissed by some junior spec who thinks he
is doing the right thing while hurting the company in
the process. i've also just experienced the whole platoon
lying to implicate me. i'm boiling, and i'm sure you can tell.
