mind games
yup thats the title of one of the library
books i passed around for readings to my
guys. it was a succinct recapitulation of
many of the lessons i've learnt and practised
already. it also helped me improve my performance
today, so i'm well pleased.
it was our first official training after the
break and i guess i'm quite happy that it
is different first of all. do the same thing
get the same result you see. the program was a
96 run; front, side, side of medicine ball,
3 sets of 15 pullups, 25 push ups, leg raises
and crunches, car park sprints under 1.20 and
300m on the ergometer machine.
needless to say, i was dead tired. we clocked
the fastest group timing of 7.40mins for the
96 run. i did an extra set of 3 mins of the
medicine ball throws. and i hit the car park
waaay too aggressively for the sprints. i
experienced a little bit of acid reflux and
chest tightness, but i still had my ergometer
left. how did i react?
well that was interesting because i applied the
techniques which were still fresh in my mind. i
was tired but i knew that i could easily do 300m
because i had done much longer distances before.
on our last test i did 1000 in 3.29. hence i
expected to be able to last easily.
however the question wasnt about lasting. it was
about beating everyone i could even when i felt
down. i wanted to be able to share with some
"emotional" people what i mean by mental strength
and being in control of their emotions because
i really feel that they have much potential to
achieve, but perhaps this attachment to being
emotional drags them down? maybe.
so anyway i saw that some people made a timing
of 57. i saw the beast increasing his work rate
at the end of his set. i saw many people cheering
at the good timings their teammates made. i was
inspired to do better. i saw ah fu hitting 55.
and i thought to myself, if ah fu who hasnt been
training regularly can hit 55, wouldnt it make
a mockery of all my effort if i was slower than
that? i was determined to be better than 55.
but i was really tired, i felt my lungs being
tight and burning. my mouth was dry and my spit
was white and thick. one side of me said to
myself, why work so hard? its just training.
for a moment, i was really tempted to just,
"pull the usual" average 1.45/500m lor, no one
will know what.
on the other hand another side of me was
calculating and planning. i knew that i could
hit anywhere between 26-33 pulls per minute
on average. so i estimated that i would hit
300m in about 40 strokes. then i told myself
if 40 strokes were the difference between a
gold and disappointment what would i choose?
i would go with the 40 of course! i can deal
with the pain later. and i resolved to do it,
i blocked out my negative thoughts and said
ok, 40 hard 10 strokes.
and i pulled, i was confident i could. i
watched my average speed go below 1.40/500m
and i kept it there. i counted each stroke
and told myself, its just a few left. 40
strokes only. and i did it. i just did.
i hit 54 and it felt good. the most important
reason was this. not that i was faster or
stronger than ah fu, but because i conquered
myself. i did not let my tiredness and pain
get to me. i was focused and i achieved my
aim. systematically. i had planned and i was
right.
the most important part was i did not let my
emotions determine how i'd react but i determined
my outcome even before i sat down in the rowing
seat. i told lap cheong later that it didnt
matter that i did 54, but if i could bring up
the rest to do 54 with me. maybe i can tell
that emo friend that it is not that the world
doesnt need emo babies, but that if emoing
can cause you to lose precious seconds, i would
be a bad team mate if i did not force you off
it.
i'm not going to rub it in, but the question i
really want to ask you is, does what you are
doing (angsting over things you cannot control)
improve your performance in any way? we'll
work together and improve together, and maybe
you'll understand why i behave differently.
someday.
matric fair
so anyway, its one of my last few days where i
eat whatever i want. how sad. i guess i should
care, but i figured that there are too many
mentally weak people who wouldnt be able to
stomach the idea of me eating oily food. much
to my disappointment, how the heck am i supposed
to increase my resistance and survivalability
if i dont even have the chance to accustom
myself to all kinds of food. but it doesnt
matter no? my consumption does not harm or
make things worse for others no.
i shall give an argument here which i thought
to be very interesting. in a race, where there
are multiple heats and events. an athlete puts
on 1kg of fat or muscle in a hypothetical case.
ceterus paribus, which should be preferred?
the answer is intriguing. the athlete who puts
on 1kg of fat. as we know that not all muscles
are developed equally, 1kg of muscle may only
be good for less than 1kg of force. hence that
extra muscle weight is a liability to the rest
of the body that works to overcome the weight.
muscles can increase in weight due to water
content more than cell mass alone. also, slow
twitch and fast twitch muscles develop at
different speeds. muscle increment is good, but
not always beneficial.
as for the case in which 1kg of fat is gained,
the body is able to utilise (quickly too) this
form of weight as energy. to note, it produces
twice the amount of energy as sugars.
furthermore as it is being broken down to produce
energy the "deadweight" decreases as time
progresses hence the ability to go on performing
longer, harder and stronger. this catabolic
activity is much preferred to the breakdown
of muscle tissue itself if the body is energy
starved. for example, we have around 3% of
essential fats which form our cell membranes,
the body would breakdown cells to feed itself
past a certain point. then performance decreases.
so why is fat viewed so negatively? simply because
of a wrong application of a scientific finding.
we eat less oily meals because fat provides too
much energy for a sedentary lifestyle which in the
end makes it unhealthy, and along with bad
cholesterol, blocks your blood circulation. but
it is not so when energy output > energy input!
because the body uses the energy quickly.
of course i would understand that a secondary
reason is that many in my team actually joined
the sport for aesthetic reasons, hence a low
percentage of body fat would be the ideal to
achieve a body builder kind of look, hence oily
food is taboo. isnt it time to stop being such
hypocrites and state that performance is more
influenced by how one trains as compared to how
one eats (relativity). if you just want a nice
looking body, stop telling others how you diet
if your performance is crap anyway. at least
be the difference you claim that your diet is
doing for you.
it took the chinese humility to learn from other
sports teams who were better than them. instead
of pure hard slogging, there is a greater focus
on performance and technique, quality more than
quantity and intelligence instead of rote.
think. and stop being such hypocrites. especially
when you're all going to take your own juniors
soon. and i'll fade away, questioning, trying,
striving, teaching and learning.
matric fair was a tad too draggy because the
queue below took a long time to clear, but i
was pleased to see 2 old friends signing up. i
was also surprised to find out that another
friend put his name down, because he said he
would not when we were in crusade camp(my).
i let darren in on a little bit of possible
action, where he could recall the school
paddles (1 - 25) for the incomming batch when
they thin out since the yr twos and above
should have their own. this should save some
of the team fund when s.a.v.a arrives if
we need not buy more grey owls with our funds.
it was pretty sad on the other count though
because i wasnt interested in checking out
the juniors. they'll be around in school all
the time anyway, besides those who are sporty
are usually visually androgynous or taken
anyway. ooops. freudian slip. i keep wondering
what my next challenge will be. i've put off
many activities for a long time (getting used)
fencing and dancing, along with the great
outdoors start to have a greater appeal.
there is usually less conflict in a shorter
relationship, like a 2 day camp or something.
we all have stuff, why force conformity on
others?
windsurf
ended windsurf camp recently (22-23 july) and was
surprised to find out that people had taken note
of me from my previous camp by campus crusade. i
happened to mime a trumpet player and i guess i
happen to be rather prominent. ok, this tells me
i should keep my charisma low otherwise i'd have
many people coming up and saying hi when i dont
know their names and that would be rather
embarrassing right? i concur.
thursday was rather busy too, were i was training
in the morning, meeting the guys in my crusade
camp group in the afternoon, playing badminton in
the evening, followed immediately by cycling.
yes, the weather was terrible. i was cycling in
the cold piercing rain, which was something i
didnt need to do for a long time. only to arrive
at our rendezvous to find out that our changi
expedition was canceled due to lightning.
nevertheless, i headed to chomp chomp for or luak
by myself. no use canceling a good makan trip
half way after all right?
friday was interesting because i had to be a
little thick skinned. walking around giving fliers
was not exactly the easiest thing when you tell
people that you are from a christian organization.
but i survived through it, and managed to spend
some time training with ben. which was a fantastic
thing. because with ben, i know that there is a
certain intensity i will reach. but if i train
with others, the response is always demoralizing.
dont want lah, too tough lah. like that then
train what? so i guess no choice lah, have to be
an outcast to the team.
another happy thing happened on friday, got to
talk to (future)dr liming after training. its
cool that we share a lot of common perspectives.
i wonder what the team would say if i tell them
that even the "doctor" agrees with me. oh wait,
i forgot, darren says i will be conveniently
ignored. ;) fine, just be a strong senior only
lor. at most be like simon then let my batch
remember me can liao. so we discussed recovery,
periodization, variety, physiology, team
and cardiovascular activity. enlightening indeed.
saturday was well spent in a movie, and a meal
with nick. one good thing about hanging out with
nick, other than the fact that he is my neighbour
is that we both share a common understanding and
attitude to life. and communication with him is
always a two way street, rather than the rest
who are hardly as open to sharing their thoughts
with you. but listening to the trash that comes
out of their mouths when they talk about sports.
i really wonder how much they really know at all.
at least i get a discussion with nick anyway.
i mean, i already feel left out anyway. can you
imagine how he feels? who calls him out for
training? at least i'm glad he reassured me that
he will be there for official training. i hope
i can do the same myself.
i shared with a few people that i *may* (strongly
emphasized) not be as committed this coming year.
as in, i'll stay around to advise the juniors lah
but i wont aim to row competitively. because i
dont really have a brother on the boat since quite
of the few stronger rowwers are gone. i mean i
consider my batch friends on the boat, because
in truth they are really babies in the water.
have you ever seen them pull when you are on the
another boat? pull like pussies. i train so hard
fail my studies, just to pull their weight. then
not good enough, must endure the bitching and
hypocrasy. and the worst part? in front of you
act like nothing like that. really, unhappy must
say. let everyone know. hide hide hide inside how
to solve problems like that?
so i figured i'll just be a performing non-entity.
do my part, not that i didnt try. i did borrow
books for them, attempt to change their thinking,
jio people for training, cross training. haiz.
i hope i'm successful in doing that thing then.
afterall, noone should find out about it until
its too late. i think i can predict a lot of
mc(s) soon. hahahahahha
oh well, time to read the books i borrowed.
hopefully i'll be able to blog the salient
points here to i can remind myself of what
to take note.
cant wait for matric fair on monday, i'll bet
they will tell me they dont need people, then
i do my crusade stuff (if they need people).
sigh. things really shouldnt be ending like
this. but we never really appreciate people
till they're gone anyway
cooking noodles
its 3am and i can't sleep, my minds filled with
the half written entries that i can't post. the
stillborn children of my mind's womb of ideas
that haunt my thoughts begging to be revived.
the ideas come furiously, but their ephemeral
nature allows but a fleeting glance.
so i decide to act on my whims and get some food.
nothing makes any miserable boy happier than to
have a full stomach no? acting against the
character of my current spoilt self, i decided
to cook noodles instead of driving down to buy it.
i had my first packet, and then two. i couldn't
help myself. my cooking always tasted good, but
something in the process got me. to cook again,
to eat my own cooking again.
i remembered you.
thanks for reminding me that instant noodles were
a luxury. thanks for reminding me that i can have
noodles cooked for me and go to sleep without an
empty belly. thanks for reminding me that i was
once unable to afford unprocessed food. thanks for
reminding me how much i loved to cook. but most of
all, thanks for reminding me that whatever i
cooked, i can always make you smile.
i dont care if everyone else thinks i'm a glutton,
but if eating makes us both happy then eat i shall.
cheers!
to your memory.
still there
took my ippt again today and realized that i'm
still an ok kind of fit. would get a gold award
even if i was a commando, so i guess i'm $400
richer which makes me a happy man.
it didnt feel too difficult while doing the test
but i guess fatigue hit me when i reached home,
i kindda collapsed because i felt so tired.
suddenly my legs cramped, and my breathing became
very laboured as i lay on the floor. i figured
it was probably the 2hours of sleep i had the
night before and the session on thursday where i
probably overtrained.
this is worrying because i felt fine during the
test, the run even felt easy. although i didnt
need to push hard lah, just easy run. but to
collapse at home after the run? thats not good,
and it probably isnt due to the cool down swim
in my pool when i reached home either. is it
just an indication of age?
anyway i kindda hated the electronic system.
especially when it skipped counting. at first
i thought my chin ups werent counted, so i was
like fine! not counted, do more until it counts
lor. sian, overdid. i only wanted to do the bare
minimum so that i wont give them the satisfaction
of knowing i can do much more. pay oso wont increae
what. the rest were rather fine. i was also surprised
that the sit up station was the one that i had the most
difficulty with even though i got 5 points in the end.
i like the previous paragraph, the line after
seems just a little longer than the line before.
so anyway, had dinner with the family after that
at my mother's insistence. before heading to the
go forth conference, sian, arrived late and missed
worship. why lah? why lah? met a lot of friends
there which was a good thing anyway. all thats
left for me to do are to make the hard choices.
will i or will i not? i struggle to decide
sleep
so after many days of frolicking with beer and great
company, passing my time by sleeping in late and a
modest bit of exercise i find my time slipping by
ever so quickly. i used to think the holidays were
long, now they are almost gone.
now, that really isn't so much the issue since i can
always play when school starts anyway. but what i
figured sucks the most as i was driving home slowly
after church service was that i dont find myself
interesting anymore. i used to have so many plans
on what i wanted to do, some are done and some are
not, but less than what i would have liked.
so maybe i've been spending too much time awake? or
maybe its time for me to sleep some more and dream
bigger and more exciting dreams.
maybe i'll just talk about what makes my life so
boring right now. routine. i always believed that
routine was for a purpose, a part of discipline
that helps you improve yourself. well, that isnt
wrong, its the for what.
for myself its adventure of course. the novel, the
unexpected, the unchallenged. to have a strong mind
and body to overcome all obstacles in the different
paths i choose to walk.
the last forest trek i made, was in the army. so was
the last hill i climbed and last trail i navigated.
the last city i walked around in was jb, i only
spent 30mins doing so. i think they have a
different weather god there, it scorches, rains
and then scorches even more.
the last new thing i tried... shit, i cant even
remember the last new thing i tried.
the last dance style i learnt... hell, i've
forgotten all the dance styles i learnt already.
basically i'm bemoaning the fact that i am getting
boring and i'm pretty fed up about it.
i pretty much hate most of the social activities
normal people do to pass time because its routine.
like; arrive at a place early, wait, wait and scold
the guy who comes 30mins late, decide where to eat,
persuade people to eat at a certain place, eat, go
to the cinema, decide which movie to watch, persuade
people to watch the same movie, group possibly
breaks up, miracle happens and group doesnt break
up, decide to watch movie, wait to watch movie,
watch movie, say its a great show, go toilet, wait
for people who go toilet, decide where to go, some
go home, the rest shop, drink coffee, chill out,
enjoy the company, say that you had a great day,
part, repeat cycle. maybe with different friends.
i had plans to get a rock and ice wall climbing
cert, on hold.
i had plans to fly a mini plane, jaribu, couldnt make
it.
i wanted to cycle up to malaysia, friends are in
the army.
looks like the only thing thats left for me is
sleep, and maybe i'll live my dreams vicariously.
maybe i'll lie and i'll say that i've conquered
eastern europe on foot or sailed past the tip
of africa. maybe i'll lie and say that i've
scaled mountains that are majestic and snow
capped.
you never lie to yourself or anyone.
screw it! i'm going to sleep.
gush
awww man just look at the words on the
wall of my dream unit. sigh, if you we
have the same spirit.
i am a member of the rawdy brotherhood
i will think of my brothers before myself
i will march into battlefield with my brothers
i will stick with them no matter
how tough the terrain
how long the distance
how harsh the weather
*edit*
and how fierce the enemy
for i know that my brothers depend on me
like how i depend on them
so join me brothers
for he who fights along with me this day
shall be my
BROTHER
*edit*
.... and it goes on, cant see what the guys
are blocking, but dammit i should have gone
there already. sian. if only a certain team
i know has ethos like that.
dream on.
training program
i hope to attempt a super endurance workout
today. c2, buona vista run, weights, swim.
so i have a 3 hour program to play with. i
wonder how this will turn out?
delusional
today i shall talk about how delusional chinese
singaporeans are. i guess i could point out that
they are misinformed instead, but because i have
to deal with their stubborn mentality i shall assume
that they are totally well informed so as not to
hurt their pride.
a little bit of background, i'm yellow skinned
with black hair and a chinese name. to people in
our lovely little island, that means i must be
chinese and proud of it. i agree.
the problem comes when they try to quantify and
place my "chineseness". speaks mandarin or any
chinese dialect fluently? fail. versed in chinese
traditions and "practices"? fail. hardworker,
conformist and defers to traditional authority?
FAIL! so basically i am a failed chinese and
scorned by the rest. so pardon the biased entry.
i mean people are people and there are all types
right, even among the chinese diaspora. and there
are really those i've met that i have admired
greatly. but what cheeses me off is when some
exhibit the traditionalistic chinese stereotype.
dont get me wrong, theres a difference between
traditional and traditionalistic. its pretty ok
to be traditional, conventional but i hate the
latter kind. we follow traditions because they
have worked before, and conformity offers stability
which are good things. however due to our stubborn
chinese mindset, we turn to traditionalism way
too easily. we dont question, we dont understand
yet we follow because thats the way it has always
been done. oh oh, and dont give these people any
advice on doing things better, chinese pride means
that doing so is offensive. it aint broken, dont
fix it. lets do the safe thing, how do you know
your way is right? hmmm i wonder.
historically, the chinese had a fantastic golden
age and where the most advanced civilisation in
that time. so they grew proud, insulated themselves
and refused to expose themselves to new and different
ideas. they became very structured with increasing
bureaucracy to mold one school of thought. well,
we know the conclusion. the west took their ideas
like gunpowder, (they are open what, learn from
others, copy their best practices, innovate) did
some tinkering, made a revolution(industrial) and
kicked our yellow chinky ass. think about that
with reference to our dear sport. ;p
so back to the topic, since my main points are all
with reference to how we keep running away from
reality. fact no.1, you are not the traditional
chinese like you think you are. look at you ic.
it says singaporean. check your roots, how many of
your relatives that you know still reside in china.
look at the china scholars, how many do you honestly
feel a strong sense of kinship with? wake up!
you can say you are chinese, but this time the idea
you really want to represent is not a matter of
where you came from (china because you are pretty
far of from a mainland chinese so stop deluding
yourself) but rather a group of people that you
choose to identify with (chinese race since it helps
you identify between the us and the them in singapore).
the idea is of course turned on its head when
you realize that we are all singaporean and the
them may actually be china the world giant ( at
least we compete economically if we agree that
there is no chance for communism to take hold here.lol)
so that leads to the point that, you dweebs should
stop the chinese hubris thing, to ask, challenge
and think. We do not need total conformity to
work together.
Secondly, thinking. Chinese thinking is stubborn,
I would say strong willed or self assured to put
it in a positive light. so yes i am being negative
here.I was really cheesed off with some protesting
comments by someone I trained with in the gym
recently. If its wrong, and we agreed its wrong,
lets say its wrong lah, Why must we still try to
defend what we did previously? Does it make the
wrong any less wrong? Call a spade a spade. Its like
Chinese are pretty arrogant so they have this
false humility kind of thing, it comes off as
patronizing but it seems that the Chinese love it.
what i mean is dont say you're right, you're
right when you dont mean it with your actions.
i dont feel good knowing that i am right, i feel
good when i've helped you to be a better person
because i have taught you something that is right.
The problem with Stereotypical Chinese thinking
in this sense is that an admission of wrong or
an apology is never forthcoming. Think of a
certain team we love, and then we see why
moving on is rather difficult.
I prefer not to go into matters of religion in
normal conversations, but since this is my blog
You have the liberty to stop reading here.
Ok so we know that I have a certain bias if
examined from my viewpoint. So lets talk about
it from the observer standpoint, hence I will
not contrast it with my views, but rather be a
little more impartial. Afterall, I’m not saying
something is right or wrong or if things should
be this way or that. I will make an observation
and if I’m wrong you can correct me in the comments.
WAIT! Shouldn’t you have not read so far?
Firstly, there is no god in Confucianism
nor Buddhism, both talk about ways to live life.
Buddhism did not originate from china, sorry all
you guys who said you wanted to be Buddhist
because it is a Chinese religion. Its not.
Siddhārtha Gautama was a man and he was an indian.
But please don’t believe me, since you
really believe he is chinese anyway.
I shant touch Taoism because I haven’t met any
one who has talked to me about it so I ought to
find out more before having an opinion.
Then of course there is ancestral worship. Respect
and veneration is good, but I always believe that
there is a different level of honour that I will
give to god (since I believe in one) and the honour
that I would give to man. Again, I’ll let you decide
right and wrong here. Because if there was hierarchy
then the utmost veneration should be given to the most
ancient of your ancestors, however I think many
of us will struggle to know the names of those who
are our elders by a mere 4 generations. So really,
aren’t you unfilial if you just stop at your granddad?
Then of course reincarnation, I guess then some
new spirits need to be created all the time because
population keeps increasing. And it doesn’t change
the argument if you say some of them were ants or
cockroaches before that because the insect population
increases way faster than the human ones.
This is not to poke fun at others but so that you
realize the significance of your claims and thinking
before you speak. It all boils down to the fact
that our paradigm is carried down into the way we train.
Pride, false humility, stubbornness and ignorance which
may be long inbuilt in your subconscious affect the way
you train. I don’t wish to belittle anyone but I just
hope that you question, more, maybe everything. We may
learn a little bit more about ourselves doing a Descartes.
But what is best would be a greater level of intellectual
ferment and discussion. Of which I hope to be a part of.
sigh
sigh. why is life so like that?
i was prepared for a great day today.
swam in my own pool in the morning. ate my mom's
cooking for lunch. went for another swim with
machine and sid followed by some flexibility
work by myself. had a smashing time watching
the hip-hop dance performance at victoria theater.
then i met 2 close friends, they were throwing
a party for the elder of the 2 because he was
going to be a freshie in a uni down under. there
he'll hang around with the other friend who happens
to be his younger brother who's a year and a half
away from completing his course.
well as good friends in my secondary school days,
we hung out at the veranda alone and talked about
life, catching up as much as possible in the little
time we could spare. he offered a fag, i accepted.
they were about to get themselves smashed at the
club. right, we all do that sometime. it was they
whys that were depressing. so as i waited outside
the club for my dad to pick me up, since i hate
going inside and it was late anyway. i observed
the people going in and i just kept stewing my
thoughts.
why is it that we keep seeking that momentary
thrill? we are rich, we can afford almost everything
yet why does it seem like we are not happy? ( i shall
use the plural here so we keep things more
impersonal. i mean are things really that bad that
the thrill of chase and trap is all we look forward
to? i wouldnt know, but to be in a certain position
of wealth and privilege i would be rather content
knowing that i can have all the material things my
heart desires. i should be rather happy.
i used to like getting drunk. i cant do it anymore.
i used to love late nights. hardly these days.
i used to violently rebel against authority.
think i turned good
somehow it stings a little, when he said i'm not the
man i used to be.
somehow when i lost that zest for antics of novelty
a part of me seemed to have died. did i lose that
part of me or is it still inside?
is the kid in the street still inside?
part of me knows that the expression of what makes
me unique would make me happy. i wonder if it will
be the same, were i to be in his shoes. with all
that money, just to head to the club for the thrills.
2 fags in the hols, both in the name of friendship.
sigh. so ends a little more than a year's worth of
abstinence. lol. thankfully i only answer to myself.
from our dear sidney
Hey fellow batchmates,
Sidney,the quiet and emo-baby of the batch, wishes to express
some of his thoughts that are with him since June 29.
Since that fateful event on June 29,he kept asking
himself a few questions over and over again,although
he knows that there can never be answers provided.
Q1) Is N.T.U stronger than us individually? Strength?
Stroke? Stamina? Endurance? Experience? Power?
Q2) Would things be better if decisions were made differently that day?
Q3) What went wrong within ourselves?
Q4) What can we do to salvange our pathetic situation?
He thought about everything for 4 days and 4 nights.
Everytime he looks at the YouTube clips of the PM Cup
2008,his heart aches,the wound became deeper.
Now that it is almost 2 weeks since it happened,he is
moving on quite well with some frequent flashbacks of
the incident in his mind at certain points in the day.
After a while he realised that the above questions do
not matter as much as he thought they initially would.
What could he done at that time to change things?
Nothing.Then he realise he can only do one thing
- focus on the present and improve for the future.
The few of his batchmates begun planning for trainings,
to kickstart the body a week after the race,to maintain
the fitness level,and for some,especially himself,to
become stronger through this period of time.He understands
that different people have different commitments,
different priorities,different problems and maybe different
views on many things.One thing he is doubtful about
is the common objective that his batch has. The 18
juniors of last season 07/08,what have you been doing since
the race ended?
Part time job? Orientation camps? Hall commitments?
Plain slacking? Or MIA aka Missing In Action?
Whatever the reason(s) are,he believes in one
true fact and situation : N.T.U is not resting.
They are having their Master Series event
this weekend.He sees for himself
how N.T.U guys came down for training @ S.D.B.A
yesterday(Thursday 10 July),what they did.Runs before
water training?2 hour rowing sessions? Yes they
won big time in S.D.B.F 2008 but are they complacent?
NO! Are they taking a rest? NO! Are they training lesser? NO!
The many of you out there who shed a tear or two
when N.U.S lost to N.T.U in P.M. Cup,do you still
remember the pain?Did you see your fellow batchmates
break down in tears and sorrows?Did you see how
grown up adults broke down so easily?Did you see
how NTU raised up the PM Cup in glory? If yes,where
are your commitments? Do you think that by plain
participating in official team trainings when the
new academic year starts,you can be on par with N.T.U?
Do you really think so?
He is not asking everyone of you to abandon your
PT job,special sem,orientation camp or whatsoever
thing important in your life for this team.The
team has taken much of your time for the past 2-3 months
of the sem break.He just want you to ask
yourself deep inside : what is it going to take from YOU
to do in order to rise up from the previous defeat
and become stronger? He cannot answer for you.
Only YOU can answer for yourself.
No doubt some of the guys are doing their own
trainings.Good.However,he feels that individual
improvements are nothing compared to improvements
as a batch. The fate of the team lies in his batch
of 18 rowers.If this batch of rowers do not get
their act together,share a common objective and goal,
history will repeat itself.
Come his most important point of all,he is greatly
disturbed by the fact that his batch mates ignored
most of the messages sent,with regards to team issues or
training.Where is the basic courtesy to send a reply
message as a form of acknowledgement?Busy?Busy throughout
the day?He salutes you.
Even if he or anyone
forgets to send sms asking people to participate in
unofficial trainings during this period of time,he
wonders if each individual would take the initiative
to message, to reach out to the usual core group who
always train? Do you feel the frustation and burden
of these core group of individuals who have to day
in,day out, mass sms the entire batch,and possibly
the entire team(as someone put it across to him),and
receive nothing at the end of the day.Granted,a few
would reply that they are busy.The rest? Where is the
initiative to reach out and train? Where is the
determination and resolve to come back stronger that
he thought he saw in his batch mates
since June 29? Imagine the feeling when people do
not reply,or do not commit themselves in the first
place to training,how would these organisers of training feel?
Right at this moment,12.40am on Friday morning,
he is feeling jaded,almost burnt out from everything.
Seniors questioned him on why some of the people of his batch
were not informed of trainings.In the midst of going
through everything,planning for his module preference
exercises,personal problems and other commitments,don't
you people think it is unfair to him?And to his fellow
small group of team mates who are trying their best
to reach out to the rest? With so many things on his mind
and yet feeling the need to involve his batch of rowers
to go for training,encouraging them to go for training,
don't you think the burden is too heavy?Ask yourself.
Don't push his limits further he pleads.Everyone has
his life.Stop making his life look as if day in day
out it has to go to do with the team.You feel sian
of going for training at this point in time(when you
should be clubbing,having fun,mending your social life
and watsoever),what about him?Have you spared a thought
for him and his fellow batchmates training with him?
Don't they deserve a break from minor things that each
of us should have: the self motivation,discipline and
initiative to start training? Maybe he is all wrong
about his team mates.Maybe they are training,just that
he does not see it.Prove him wrong then come Sava Sprints.
Before he ends off this lengthy email,he wishes to
express his sincere apologies if any of his words
and intentions are misinterpreted as offensive.
This is how he is feeling now and he feels that
letting them all out would do him some good.He wishes
everyone the best of health(as some of his batchmates
fell sick) and everyone else the best in whatever they
do.He wishes to see everyone(18 of them)when the academic
year starts,sparking off the first official training.Till
then,it would be awhile before he types such messages
again.(hope not)
Regards,
Sidney
poor boy. do you think those batchmates really care?
maybe all we can do is our part. do you think
the seniors bother when all the do is hang around
their own batch, you're the easiest person to blame
if people dont get contacted. i've always held the
position that the seniors dont really care about us
and i'm gonna watch a little while longer to see
if they prove me wrong.
yes, i'm still sore over the agm. i'm still sore
that there is no direction and no plans. maybe,
the damage is irreversible... who knows?
the way things go
so agm has ended with rather surprising results.
however due to the late nominations, i'm am
rather caught off guard when the nominees were
announced. although the q&a session was insightful
i was rather unhappy that certain essentials
such as the vision of leadership or our path
of progression was not elaborated on, or simply
glossed over. hence i felt, there was a grave
injustice to mervyn whom i felt did the most
planning and prepared the most comprehensive
speech.
mainly i felt that i should leave, and it is
"their" team, its definitely not mine nor my
batch's. throughout the speech, the references
made to the team was, my(the leaders') batch
and older. basically(sadly) for the junior
batch of 07/08 you will not be very appreciated
as individuals, rather you'll be the same dogs
you have always been. used not respected.
not your fault though, its precisely because you
guys are pretty useless, and never really bothered
to improve properly, hence you'll always be the
same weak, pitysome individuals you will always be.
lets face a fact here, if you are weak, you will
be weak, doesnt matter how much heart you have,
the fact still stands. in the recently concluded
race where you were outclassed, given that you
had 10times more heart, the fact still stands
that you were weak. tough, sorry.
what was said about doing bicept curls with
joseph is also true. looking at your levels and
rate of improvement, its going to be slow,
especially when you are going to inherit the
same kind of training, the same strategies.
same old, same old. well be prepared for the
same old results. looking at all 3, non promised
nor had a vision of results.
all the talk and the fire after the defeat has
kind of dissipated, when you forget it, it
probably doesnt hurt or cut so much anymore.
some proposals which i thought were vague.
more runs. what? longer runs or more per week?
limited by the number of trainings and the type
of trainings it goes with.
more runs also means more injuries, how are they
going to manage that.
what is the purpose of the run? cardiovasular
fitness (stamina) or strength. these can be
dealt with through other means of cross training.
which i might add, has a lesser chance
of training injury. i dont know, but i seriously
never joined with the intention to run more.
and lastly, doing something well requires
technique not just quantity. sadly, i see myself
going through pain without seeing results again.
planning, its precisely because we dont know
what we are going to get that we should plan
for it. how can darren just say that he cant
give us an idea because when the juniors come
in it will screw up everything again. if i
dont know what goals we are heading towards,
why join a lost cause in the first place?
sorry man, dick, you signed on your life to
the sport when you chose to stay in school,
hopefully after you enlighten yourself with
those books, you'll see the shit you are in.
hongda asked me how do i know i'm right, i could
ask him the same question but even better how
do you know how what you are doing is not wrong.
and the best would be, how do you know you are
not sacrificing the best for something good? the
last question should set many leaders thinking and
searching. but not this team, we do tradition.
hopefully we dont die with it. stubborness,
unwillingness to adapt.
i dont know, honestly, i am tired of fighting
my friends for a cause we all believe in but
on a path we cannot agree on. i'm tired that
everyone thinks they know, but yet produces
such shitty results because they wont research
on it. i'm saddened that as uni students their
mind is so small they cannot see beyond their
sport and take the best practices of all the rest.
i'm fed up, yet i must have faith.
when things are down and look bad, that is when
i must be strong.
i want to give up and not carry on, because
the heaviest load is a broken heart.
i dont want to quit, but i know i must.
can someone fire me already, we are all
more than just numbers in a team.
enjoyment
at least this afternoon onward felt good.
had carl's jr burgers and got so stuffed
i think i only need one meal for the day
dont need breakfast or dinner, yet.
tomorrow is my trip to bintan and i havent
packed but its ok. i think i will need
to "de-couple" myself from this lifestyle.
