from green to black

what term break?

wasted today sleeping in the comfortable library and
the last 3 days in the old commando camp in ubin. so
i kindda feel jaded that i really wont be able to catch
up on work because that took the wind out of my sails
and i'm intimidated by the amount of work i have to
finish.

it felt good to train today despite my fatigue. i felt
clean without any creatine, (but i'll take some soon)
and i was able to deliver the performance needed. i
think the stickman has grown stronger and i'm pretty
proud of it, and i know he will go far if he keeps at it.

clemence talked about seniors not trusting juniors. hey,
he's not alone. nobody trusted me to eat junk food. lol.
we trust and want to trust our juniors, but when we stay
longer, we have a sense of ownership and feeling for the
team that we really dont want juniors to wreck not matter
how good a friend we think they are. we dont want to let
you screw up OUR team, and we're just being safe about it.
the last thing we want you to feel is the angry stares
of 21 other guys when they find out that you were allowed
to be in the race with them and that you kept missing
training and your group leader was irresponsible by
sheltering you. we dont like regretting, or being unprepared.

there was another issue where yuan qi said that he needed
a good role model as a senior. question to ask is, did
we fail as seniors that one of our juniors cannot find
a good role model to look up to? i dont know. personally
each senior has an influence, but everyone stresses different
things. for one i stress form, others stress heavy weights.
who should one listen to? to do a heavier weight does
wonders for self confidence, but is it taking the easier
way out when it is much more difficult to do the same
weight with proper form? in the same manner where i've
argued with edward, if we let them off for form in the
gym so that they can hit heavier weights, are we going
to make a similar compromise in the water where they use
other muscles instead of training the ones they are
supposed to? i strongly feel that we shouldnt compromise.

product, process and people are determining factors of
success. what should we focus on and when? i think i
should remind myself that i see a role for myself in the
team as the whip, simply because it is the job that
people avoid. it is always easier to want to do things
so that one will be liked. i would rather be disliked
if my choice allows one to improve as a teammate.

products and processes are the easiest to focus on
especially when the only person involved is yourself.
how does one influence another if he does not want to
be influenced of hold himself accountable to others?
you cant. that is why i dont bother correcting strokes
anymore because nobody thinks they want to improve
their strokes anymore. its just strength strength strength.
what happened to the time when we used to cheer for
1 heart 1 soul 1 stroke? has everybody forgotten? i
know that jeff has changed as a person, but are we
going to deny that he did do SOME good while he was
there? i hate it when all the supposedly "nice"
people hide behind being nice so that they take
potshots at people. its so unreal man, isnt it just
another way for you to exercise influence while
hiding behind the "niceness", be a man and take a stand.

honestly, i hate it when the juniors dont bother
forcing themselves to learn coach's stroke. i force
myself each training to try harder to perfect my
stroke, especially when i know that my punching
arm may not always be straight or i dont dip enough.
but when i see people with bicept stroke or not
twisting it really cheezes me off especially when
they are still fresh, like the first warm up row
or first set. i dont expect mastery, but i expect
you try more such that no one has to nag you and
that people may complement you for improving your
stroke.

its quite funny how i see things that others dont,
and then a few weeks later people will say exactly
the same thing i said. sometimes it borders around
irritating. but if people actively think about solving
problems it will come intuitively.

its funny how everyone talked about how they enjoyed
the rowboat more than the cutter. (we changed to the
cutter during the rain, on the second half of the
journey) isnt it strange no one realized they were
cold wet and tired from the chilling rain until i
mentioned it? why is it so hard to distance yourself
from your feelings and look at the other factors? yes
its harder to row, but your friends were there. by
that are we implying that the true reason why we feel
jaded and sad is because we lose races? because the
friends are still there, but the conditions were
different. then do we let the conditions determine
our feelings?

i feel for the team very strongly, but theres no
way i'm going to express it when everyone i see is
just so selfishly pursuing his own agenda. we're
all friends, but if we dont save ourselves by training
hard and training well, we're just making a lot of
noise and we'll be bleeding and tearing when the
time comes.

posted by green unseen @ 8:30 AM