very happy about the pleasant coincidence today where we were both in costume for halloween. i really thought you were joking when you said you would dress up. hmmm gutsy. i like.
walked around as the phantom today. somehow i looked realistic enough for a few girls to stop me for a picture. i must have done something right i guess.
more importantly, i learnt one thing about my friends today. when i'm wearing a mask, i can expect some of them to know me no matter what i do to hide. it gives me a kindda a warm feeling because i know these are the friends who've gone through enough of me that even if they hardly see me, i'll always have been a part of them. of course some friends left me very disappointed because i deliberately left some signs for them to pick up, but they didnt. so maybe we're not as tight as i thought we were. so sad when everyone matters to me... oh well
wearing a mask was also thought me another lesson. no one really knows what you are like underneath, you could be a weirdo, psychopath or a pervert and nobody knows. i could be scowling underneath and nobody knows. but i guess thats sad if people have to live their life that way, hidden. i wanted to reveal myself to my friends the ones that i want to have a good time with. because i want them to know, and enjoy my happiness along with them. no schadenfreude or reverse schadenfreude. just pure we're happy together. simple.
i overheard a conversation that i was wearing a mask because i had low self-esteem which i found very amusing. but i would understand totally if a person with low self esteem did. but heck, allow a guy to relax and have fun for a day, i doubt its fun being a stodgy singaporean, stiff-necked all the time. i'll rat race you later.
so anyway, this is a picture i really like that was taken by my biz sch classmates. its just so me!
i really wanted to post my video online but it was just too big. i tried twice. so i guess that bit of fun is saved in a little corner in my comp.
but hey after i checked, well, here it is!!!
got a new car today, so its the end of the tonner as we know it. and i hate it already! too high tech. the door auto closes which makes it very very slow, and that means i have less control over the dumb sliding door. you can imagine the trouble we'll have if the door wont close properly. next its only an 8 seater so i cant have as much fun with a big group. ok heck, i'm not complaining since its for my dad's use anyway, but i really should have got my bike license while in army. i would have bought my bike by now.
for my other project, well, here are some photos to show you guys why i've been so busy.
my project group
a better view of the marriage costume of the batak people in indonesia i believe. well for the guys, the culture there is for the wife to "support" the husband. so think you can get a good deal? ;)
and this, is a traditional neighbourly welcome token.
alright, back to writing essays. bugger tutor just cut me one grade because of style. what flimsy reasoning! but then again when the man is so lazy i dont think he bothered to seriously consider my essay. damn how am i supposed to slack during exams like this. drats!
i've decided to scorn the odds again and totally destroy what's left of my cap by taking one more extra module, and its not going to help things at all. but i guess if it has real world implications such as (the seminar on the current world crisis) i'm going to take a chance.
in any crisis, there are always windows of opportunity. i'm gonna have faith in myself, even if that means that i have to walk alone.
in the eye of the storm, through the wind and the rain you will be faithful, you'll still be faithful...
that came from a beautiful church song but the post isnt about God today though he did send the wind and the rain.
i ran for 2hours and 1min today. from my place to ngee ann, then through the school and down the hill to kap. ran up the hill to mgs and out old holland road, turned left to sixth avenue and all the way back to kap. that took an hour and a the sky was slightly overcast already. finished my 500ml bottle of water just as i passed bt timah market. ran all the way to bt batok park and continued all the way past hume and railway mall to mindef before turning around to head for home.
nothing special, that was probably somewhere a little more than 20km, and the lesson of the day was pain. i had a blister, that was expected. i tore some skin, well the new tougher layer had already grown underneath. i think i have a mild shin splint, that was something i hadnt felt in some time. i was running for an hour and 20mins before it started to rain. i spent more than one hour braving the cold chilly wind. funny how the sunny skies turned cloudy just 30mins after i started running huh.
so thats the feeling, coughing due to the many hills, with retching moments because your body wants to stop when your mind says go. shoes which are heavy because they are drenched with rain and sweat. toes which feel slimy and blister when they rub against one another.
the best feeling in the world when the elements hit you is to know that you'll survive the storm. you'll pull through, carry yourself and anyone else who will let you. to know that you have the strength, in your mind not to stop to bite the sharp stings of the rain so that you can train effectively towards your goal.
at a certain point in time, i thought i'd hear bas cheer for me as i go on my way to be among the 0.01 percent of the world who have finished an ironman. sweet as the thought was, its just a dream...
so my legs are really sore. think i will swim my lungs out tomorrow. also i have to bulk my top up so my body will feel very much lighter when i tone my muscles on the top. ok so thats till next time
something hit my thick head today as i was waiting for the bus. sometimes it makes me feel so ungrateful that i keep wishing for faster bus services just because i'm tired even though, the bus has just left and i'm the only passenger in the queue. i was thinking about public administration after haque's insightful lessons and readings and i feel totally embarrassed. today i started to appreciate the inefficiencies of the public service. in this case lesser profits due to increased costs.
huh?! what? i bet some of you are thinking. think about it, we could be paying taxi fare rates if we had bus on demand (ok i admit, maybe slightly less since it is mass transport). so what's your point? we could just take the taxi if that's the case isnt it?
thats true. but what if i cant afford the taxi? if i were a bus operator and i want to be totally efficient and my motive is solely to increase profits then i shouldnt bother to have regular services after peak hours where i can justify filling up my buses. so my non peak hour buses could just arrive every hour on the hour so i can guarantee a full load but still the bus arrives in 15 minutes to pick up 4 miserable commuters waiting at the busstop at 10.
i'm thankful that public service is meaningful, because my quality of life has improved simply because there is a public service.
as for interesting stuff, i kindda met an intelligent guy today, coming from me so take it as you will. and as intelligent guys are, we have interesting conversations. so anyway here we have some jibes first. liquid papered above the toilet roll dispenser in engin were written the words, arts degree, pls take one. take one? take a few he says! well, sometimes when you consider that arts grads are but glorified gp writers, you can only wince in response. but things got more interesting when we discussed about the stock market, or why i believe democracy as it is may not be that fantastic an idea.
so here's something to consider, when this guy talks about intellectual fraud.
poor us, what are we learning for really?
ok so another update in this fragmented 3 part series so far, since i only blog when the ideas hit me and not in one sitting. i was paid $16 bucks today by the university for doing nothing and it irritates the crap out of me. firstly, all i did was play the darn prisoners dilemma game for module credits, and i did it within 10 minutes. paying me 16bucks for 10 minutes is like paying a person $96 an hour. for doing nothing!
now thats not my beef, imagine they pay 400 students an amount of money. how much would they spend? you guess. imagine them doing it every semester, or for more than one module. now...
can you imagine why your school fees just keep increasing without you getting any substantial benefit?!
but something amusing came out of this when i met my course freshies after the test. i said i didnt want to keep the money since i felt uneasy to accept money given to me by a stranger whom i did not even work for. they said well dont worry, they would keep in money without regrets if they were in my shoes. so i took out the cash and went nah, prove it. obviously they didnt accept it from me. touche, point illustrated.
for the record, the cash is in a separate component in my wallet. time passing would make it easier and easier for me to treat it as mine i guess.
ethical? if time passes like this, would i need to care?
yes its fun, but is it what i want? finished my bi presentation today which didnt go as badly as i expected, afterall i only had the whole day to memorise my script, but i managed to improvise. hope it worked but anyway the thought that irks me now is should i continue on?
i like the exposure. this means that i have a greater insight about what goes on in my neighbouring countries. but heck, its 6 hours of classes for the next level plus a self conducted interview so it isnt quite fun and games. and the worse thing about arts is we cannot exercise our pass/fail option. so...
nevermind. i'll think about it when i've to apply for modules again. at least my focus is back on track. altough its miserable thinking like a singaporean, when its something i clearly despise. i mean kiasu, kiasi, kia cheng hu, what image does that bring to mind. only self interested, rude and closed minded people. nah. i'm sure i can do it while bucking the trend.
strange things always happen to me on wednesdays. i do stupid things, such as take wrong buses or accidentally press things i shouldnt. maybe its due to work (tuition) or a lack of food or both. a few weeks ago after feeling faint and nauseous, i pressed the red train button, for no reason! i dont even know why. i was thinking, hmmm red just punch/ press it. only when the train stalled and the announcement came over the intercom did i realize i messed up. luckily nothing happened. but i felt really bad and embarrassed the rest of the trip. it felt like i had totally no self control and that really worried me.
today, i mistook the 175 for the 174. how irritating. it was drizzling and boy was i hungry and tired after work. so i got on the bus which brought me farther away from home. darn. and it felt terrible. i had a numbing wait. and while i was standing on the bus, i just felt pang after pang of sharp hunger. i wanted to fall over but i couldnt, too manly, cant lose face, cant let hunger overtake me. my arm was shivering and i couldnt feel my legs as a walked up the hill to my house.
haiz. guess i really need to learn how to take better care of myself.
i was told when i was younger to count my blessings. so the song went,
count your blessings name them one by one count your blessings see what God has done.
the week has been trying for me, somehow a lot of work was pushed back to this part of the sem. i saw it coming and i'm sorta prepared. but while i'm not exactly that far behind, i am behind nontheless.
strangely, the biggest pressures seem to be coming from my language module, which i am not exactly having a problem with. its just that some stuff is so frivolous and i'm not exactly in the mood right now when i have an urgent submission on my mind. one thing is that, as much as i love groups and being in groups, i kinda always preferred a more personal environment. so you can tell that this week's presentation with external guests kinda scare me a little. not to mention, i actually feel stupid speaking indon for once because i'm supposed to know my grammar now. dumb fear, i know.
i really hope this sem will be better for my essay submission, i really just have to bite through it. some support please?
today was special, decided that the theme of my training program today would be pain. i wore new shoes, the type that would give you blisters easily and went for a very long run. buona vista, 2 rounds car park and haw par villa consecutively. its probably anywhere from 17-21km and i did it in a little less than 1hr and 35mins. i experienced pushing past certain pains which i hadnt felt for a long time. i felt my self will increase a lot (solo endurance does that to people, the urge to survive you know).
so right now i have 2 blisters but i still feel good. oh i forgot, the 2nd part of training. i decided to do some endurance gym because i figured that i couldnt be shacked after a 21km run. its too short and the ironman would be wayyy too long for me to just end training like that. so lighter weights and everything had to be more than 20 reps. did my arms, back and some clean and jerks. ugh.
so hopefully, i'm on track to reaching my improvement target. i should be able to hit stanchart marathon comfortably. and still have enough juice to go on. i need to figure out my race nutrition and transitions.
so the story starts on friday since i didnt have time to update so far. i decided to run 15km for fun. its a pretty short distance i guess since it was only buona vista and pgp route combined, take that and 2 additional rounds in the car park (because i wanted to drink water but still keep running to get used to the feeling) and it was done in 1 hour and 20 mins. oh and i did 15 minutes of rowing machine before that and some light gymwork after. i must say it wasnt much of an accomplishment since i've run longer distances before. but the good thing was i could still keep going, it felt easy in fact. so hopefully i'm in good shape for my ironman.
ok so for you guys who dont know, i guess i'll be with the business school guys elijah and nick to represent school in a full ironman since school will be sponsoring us. for what it means, well its a 4km swim, 180km bike ride and a 42km run. i hope to finish it in 11 hours. so i guess the most important thing for me is to learn how to love the pain again, to tell myself that i can finished the race and that my body will not give up until my mind gives up. looks like i'll start to run 15 clicks for fun now since its such a short distance to train. yawn.
i went for the ministerial forum that night as well and came out a little more enlightened about why things wont change here. ( yes i know they wont change but that day gave me a look at the mechanism why things wont change). so i thought the minister was a smooth talker, dr viv B. i mean, smoke the rest, the polsci students aint gonna swallow everything hook line and sinker. although i found his candidness refreshing, enough to keep me from falling asleep that is.
some of the things he said scared me a little. especially about how hardworking he thinks we are. "the most hardworking people in the world" bullshit no doubt, never heard of anyone who died because of overwork in singapore, but there were people in japan who die of overwork. but that is beside the point. i became even more worried when he quoted the mm talking about a disciplined and hardworking people, competition. because as much as i admire the trait i am not one for having it foisted on me. i know that i am probably not kiasu hence "singaporean" enough to work as hard as the foreign talent are willing to work.
let them have the crazy lifestlye i say, i'm pretty sure nobody wants to work ceaselessly even if competition is that intense. i worry that working ceaselessly would be the new benchmark that will be expected. * well of course not ceaselessly, but you can imagine if we have to be so hardworking as to work 20hour days every day right. just to be, i repeat, just to be competitive.
i cant quite remember the rest of the what he said although, i did remember being amused here an there. what struck me as something i would take away though would be his conduct, unlike the pm, (the ministerial forum from 1 yr ago) dr viv b, definitely had more class. even though there was this "irritating" (no he wasnt really) bugger who never stopped repeating his question, viv b actually stopped the moderator to attend to his concerns. well that took class. he didnt care if the rest of us would be late, he wanted to make sure that the student was treated with dignity! now that is what i called grace under pressure, he ended the session well with a summary too.
note that i still mention that i think he was smoking through some of it, in case people are wondering if i'm going la la over nothing.
today was tiring because theres so much to do for my essays, not to mention i had a group project, followed by work. but i guess its nice to print stuff in the library on a saturday night. all the books will be in rbr. lol. cant wait for 24hr library to start then i can sleep in air con again. rofl.
am i dumb or am i dumb? swarmed in work and not having fun. thought i'd go for an easy run just to lose my barang barang.
is it me or is it school? looked for my stuff just like a fool pity today it had to rain just like that monday again
i learnt how to go about opening locked tutorial rooms today because i left my stuff inside when i was rushing to the library. only to figure that out when i reached the src and found out i had nothing to change into. so, there i was with my nicely tucked in striped shirt walking around in slippers, and sweating the shirt out just to get my stuff back and that precious 30mins of exercise.
but the security guard was real nice with his avuncular manner. so i guess i wasnt cheesed when he explained that he was just doing his job.
he weather seems to be changing, so its real tough to squeeze in the second training for the day. i mean i would hate to end up with a wet towel and change of clothes if i were to hang my stuff to dry at the dorms. it would be too much of a let down.
on the bright side, i'm looking forward to the end of this week, because my last group presentation should be over. at least the one that counts anyway. those in biz school, heh, numbers aint sexy for creativity.
catch me today you heard me say i'll spin a rhyme and see you next time
like all odd weeks, this one is tough. thankfully it has been saved by bits of humour and very hmmm happy conincidences, twice so far. i certainly felt very lucky then.
so it happens that i have to do a lot of things by myself, like research for 2 whole project presentations. well it seems like i tend to get people who tend to believe that i am the best person to do the job. right much as i dont mind being thought of as more capable i do mind when people dont pull their weight.
so here goes a story, about a presentation that has just passed. its a story about why i CANT STAND insecure GUYS (girls have legitimate excuses due to their mental wiring so lets focus on the guys, cant comment about a mind i've never been in right?)
have you ever had a guy come to you wondering if he can ever do anything right? well chances are if you only knew older macho traditional stubborn arrogant men. no. but this new breed of metros, emos and pretty boys really take the cake, because they can be so girl-like unsure of themselves!!!!
this project group member, has presentation fears because he does not know about the subject. he's studying to be an engineer in case you are wondering, and its a singapore studies module so he can S/U it. he doesnt do any work or research or reading and expects the group to do everything for him. of course we end up doing it. why mess up the groups performance when this clown will just exercise his option of not counting this grade in his score.
so he goes, " how ah i berry worried, i dunnoe, very stress, how ah?"
me, " come lah, never mind i help you, what you dunnoe?" proceeds to give a comprehensive lecture on his part specifically outlining key points.
him," wahh thank you ah, thank you, master, you're so zai" (did i ever tell you i hate suck ups?)
me," eh dun call me master lah, more importantly, you understand or not? at least learn something from the course lah."
him, " dunnoe leh. i'm not sure lah. i scared to try."
me, "ok, which part you dont understand? i explain again"
him, " dunnoe lah, everything lor, sound so confusing."
me, " huh really everything ah?" another member comes so i had to re-explain everything again. i even typed it on his computer so he could see the darn key points.
and imagine this, a continuous i'm not good enough and me comforting him throughout the whole week before the presentation. then on the night before came the big shock (ok, not a shock anymore, because i expected it. if people dont do their work which they say they will mail to you, they probably didnt do anything, so i prepared the whole project.) he really didnt do anything!!! so he made me explain it to him again online.
and the best part! he copied and pasted my answers and my pre-prepared script unto his script. he even demanded i skip my lecture before the tutorial to go through the presentation with him one more time.
i ignored his sms in my lecture of course. there is a limit. though i did rush out after the lecture to give him more last minute pointers.
in the end, we did our presentation. he was the first speaker and i would round things up. things didnt look good at first, and the class was unimpressed with the mumbling and fumbling through. then it was my turn. the presentation ended more favourably after that. the clincher? the tutor clapped and then asked me, hey how come not all of your group members presented? and she pointed at him.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-- I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.
i've reached my split in the path yet they all seem to lead to rome where is the way i wish to find the one with untreaded stone. a loss! we walk this path just once away from the safety of home
in contrast
The Desert Minnie Louise Haskins (1875-1957)
I said to the man who stood at the Gate of the Year, `Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.'
And he replied,
`Go out into the darkness, and put your hand into the Hand of God. That shall be to you better than light, and safer than a known way.'
puttering around the house today, i found myself thinking i've got too much alcohol and no one to drink with. so after a generous bit was splashed around to make tiramisu, and a little more was used to douse some raisins, i decided to take a little sip of some more. that's 3 different bottles already. coffee liquor is used for tiramisu, rum was used for the raisin, i sipped sherry and i still have a half finished bottle of mulberry wine.
but the sweet desserts really put the ommph back in my day. especially when they are all homemade. i had a whole cupful of rum laced raisins instead of digging for them in ice cream tubs.
now i've got to apologize to yaohui because i am unable to fulfill his wish. but the story goes like this. after deciding that, life is too short to waste away on a matter that aroused very strong feelings in people. i decide, heck, i might as well extend the olive branch because i know that organizations dont really work with initiative. so i made overtures to ah fu and told him of my intention to be part of the family again. i decided i should at least prepare the leadership before they made any decision, giving them time in advance before i'd formally ask them. so last night i happily told yaohui that if things go well, i may be coming back on saturday. the thought pleased us immensely.
so i got cold feet in the earlier part of the day because i didnt get a reply from ah fu, he was really busy so i guess i worried for nothing. then i asked ben while we were on the way to the movie, if he'd thought that there would be just anything that should keep me from going back again. he said no, with new found confidence, i called hongda. i asked him if i could go back, but he said it would be better if i went back the next season because we do not have enough space in the boats. i acquiesced and that was that. so in case anyone is wondering why i'm not back, its not because i dont want to but because the team is unable to logistically handle one more person. i fulfilled my promise by making a sincere effort to go back.
right on a happier note, ben and i caught youth without youth today and were thoroughly confused by the storyline. i really liked the experience of the different locations, because i can travel vicariously in those films. but i'm kindda confused about the main point of the story. i could get the earlier bits about him being a wanted man for surviving a lightning strike. but things got weirder when the flowers came out, and the different girls. i felt it had a very much, "what if" theme. or may be it was revisionist. may be some one can give me their take instead.
ok ben, this is a film review. so maybe we were right. it was disconnected afterall. and heck, if we continue being tortises in wells, we would buy dogshit for steak with our ignorance. lol. since the review quoted that the scenes weren't exactly eastern europe ( damn so where can i find a good tour of it without actually going there?)
i decided to cure my white pasty skin with a bit of exercise. so i started running at 4pm today instead. i wanted to rev my engine since i havent done squat trying to finish my work, so it was the long buona vista route for me. i felt really fine so i decided to time trial myself. i thought i could hit a time under 40 mins. and to my pleasant surprise i did. but just barely. i saw 39.59 and then 40 as i checked my watch for the second time. i guess its not hard to run fast when you're light. and its probably due to not exercising for some time. (hence lighter muscles)
i've still got no replies for my projects and that really sucks. why is it that people think that the majors should do all the work... heck, much as i dont mind, i do have other things to accomplish other than covering your ignorance. i'll still cover it anyway.
i think i can increase my attention in my core faculty, the src soon. on well, that is one bright spot on the horizon if i dont have any other surprises on the way.
i;ve finally finished that irritating essay,and in a trend that i've noticed this semester, 2 days late, technically. oh and i met my tutor on the bus, but thankfully she didnt have time to ask me if i've handed in my essay as she was rushing to class. phew.
one thing i liked about the essay was the interesting snippets which i picked up, so i'll share some with you. taken from tommy koh's book, the quest for world order
pg 377, story one
once, a certain gentleman in an unnamed country, was elected it prime minister. before he took office, his predecessor said to him, "i hope you will have a long and successful tenure as Prime minister. i hope you will not be confronted with any crisis. but if you should be confronted with a crisis, you may find the advice in the first envelope helpful to you. if, after surviving your first crisis, you should confront a second and third crisis, you could consult the contents of the second and third envelopes". several months later, the prime minister was confronted by a major political crisis. failing to think of a solution to the crisis, he suddenly remembered the three envelopes his predecessor had given him. he opened his safe and took out the first envelope. inside the envelope was a piece of paper containing the following three words: blame your predecessor. he followed the advice and blamed his predecessor for the crisis. soon, the storm blew over and he survived his first crisis. a year passed before he was faced with his second crisis. he took the second envelop from his safe and opened it. on the paper inside the envelope were written these words: promise the people you will institute a major reform. he followed the advice and told the people that he would institute a major reform. the people were lulled by the promise and the crisis was ended. a few uneventful years rolled by before the prime minister was confronted by his third crisis. he tore open the third envelop and took out the piece of paper inside with great anticipation. the paper read: prepare three envelopes.
story 2 p 383 ...talking about sex and diplomacy reminds me of a story. a singapore officer at our embassy in moscow was seduced by a soviet agent. she was, of course, a lovely blue-eyed blond. when they blackmailed him,, he gave in and handed over state secrets to her. i asked my malaysian counterpart how he would deal with such problems. he said it was easy. he would see every malaysian officer before he was posted to moscow. he would warn them that the russians might try to seduce him. he told them they should try to resist temptation. however, if they succumbed they should not panic. if the russian tried to blackmail them with incriminating photos they should simply reply, "please give me 2 sets of the photos. my foreign minister would like to have 1 set of them!"
damn, the guy is good.
other things that happened today was a sucky mid term test. no dont groan, this is for real. for bahasa which i didnt study for at all (which i wholeheartedly regret, but its too late now, lol) so i came out rather sad but hey, there was sid, liying and sam who provided good company at lunch. then i ponned Managerial Accounting lec to finish my essay in hon sui sen library, i failed at doing that. met elijah who told me to check my mid term scores. the one in which i went into high and had 3 hours of sleep the previous day for. oh guess what, i've got an a+ for a mcq test which i am still unclear of what its all about. i kindda put in very minimal effort for ma, cause i think its boring but it seems that i cant escape the fact that math and sci allow me to do well with minimal effort. so how? anyway, told you i've got great guessing skills. and just as i was recovering from the shock of my results since i expected an ok b- for the amount of effort i put in, i saw my dad's friend the prof!pressure sia, at least i could honestly tell him i just had an a for a test instead of saying, oh yeah life is fine and i'm surviving.
so up because i met sid before going for my test (yes i didnt mention it just now) down because of the bad test, 30 marks blank upon and hundred and 50% guarantee of the rest so that means effectively 45marks. i'll be lucky to pass. then the a+ which i'm still coming to terms with and finishing the essay and coming home early which are up-ups. life is a roller coaster indeed.
things to look forward to this weekend would be catching an arthouse film with ben. although i really want to ask more people along, but i'm not sure if i should. its the french film festival ... check it out here
the welcome to sticks one would be fun :)
bad faith on jewish israeli relations would be fun too.
if you love me follow me sounds like it will turn on the idealist in me.
could this be love, looks like an interesting take on privacy in relations
modern love? nah not between 2 guys.
demented sounds interesting with its synopsis of a dysfunctional family
on fire.... hmmm, the extents women will go to in order to get something sounds kindda scary
the drama of the promised life looks interesting
la france set in world war 1 seems to have a certain familiar twist.
i just finished my run which i shortened by half. i figured i only managed a short 1 hour run because i got a blister on my toe, how irritating. thought i could repay the 2 long weeks of just academic work. oh well, looks like its not to be and i still have to slog through long hours to finish my stuff.
but 1 hour was indeed better than nothing. i ran halfway with both shoes, a quarter way with 1 and the last bit with none at all, so if the human race ever need to go shoeless, i can de-volve and survive, right. but it did look kindda funny i guess, especially when i was running down bt timah road with just 1 shoe and ammohs think its like woah, amazing or barbaric that asian run with one shoe, so i had a few stares.
went to the playground to cool down after that, and it happened that i met someone with dementia. now being my nice self and all, i humoured him the moment i guessed he was mentally unsound. he was in a wheelchair and he looked frail. he asked me where he was when he was already there. where eng kong ah? me, huh, which part of eng kong? and i knew he was not quite there already. so i smiled told him i was exercising among other things and treated him like i would a normal person.
the interesting part was the maid who was beside him. i guess it was probably her experience with ignorant or mean singaporeans but she kept trying to tell me he was demented and kept apologizing for it. well, i know he is demented, but i can still spare him time to treat him with dignity! i cant do anything about the way the world whizzes around me, but i can slow down despite the fast paced world and just interact as a human, relationally.
i my point is that, while i understand the maid may be very polite because she thinks that man was wasting my time. it was my choice to entertain him. it benefitted me by doing so much more than it does him, and it allowed her to spend some time on the swing. we take our measure from how we treat people who can do us absolutely no good, from the people who try to pull us down, from those who are inferior to us, to help and treat these kinds of people would be a form of greatness. because there it shows how much it takes to shun self interested gains to make a positive impact on another.
shant talk too much about being a do-gooder, especially when we have to understand that doing the good may not be the best if it is rejected by the most stubborn people in the world, right mom?
and in a lonely corner of my room...
the guitar is there to serve as a pleasant distraction, i couldnt stand not being able to play it anymore. especially not when there was a nice song during a prayer meeting, and my friend was able to play! not fair! i'm gonna practise.
and my point? despite shattered dreams and broken hopes, there is always a chance. somehow, someday and for the relationships and good experiences that i hope will never really fade.
