day 1
yup i hit my first double training session of this
season today. went home to have lunch before heading
to school to time myself on the buona vista route.
the timing was terrible but it was still twice a day.
so i guess now is the time, now is when i start
getting stronger, faster and better. training is all
i look forward to. i want to win, and i'm putting
my money where my mouth is.
the other side of course consists of all those
who just say they want to win. but i need not
remember those guys
but i notice
i just had dinner to celebrate my grandmother's birthday
at the civil defense club. things were amusing since i
had 2 cousins to disturb as they were both younger and
had to face a little good natured ribbing.
i am always amazed by how different our family bonds are
and how we connect with each other. but let me talk about
pak's daughter.
see pak's daughter is the elder of 2 children and i guess
is in the tough position of being both a girl and more
intelligent than her brother. so with downward pressure
from her parents and upward pressure from her brother. i
guess her only recourse is to withdraw and isolate herself.
now, i totally understand having felt that way before.
what i wonder is, comparing to the standard of my elder
cousin's family (and that is sim-ple ;) since i only
have one) what did they do right or better that things
turned out that way.
but i guess what would really suck is knowing that you
are intelligent, and there's no one around who can either
understand or accept you because of it...
note to self
this is not right man.
the more i train the weaker i get...
think of a plan.
quick.
worship
because that's all i can do when i can do nothing at all.
your grace is sufficient for me.
your strength is made perfect,
when i am weak.
all that i cling to,
i lay at your feet.
your grace is sufficient for me.
Lord you are more precious than silver
Lord you are more costly than gold
Lord you are more beautiful than diamonds
and nothing i desire compares with you
you are my strength when i am weak
you are the treasure that i seek
you are my all in all
seeking you as a precious jewel
Lord to give up i'd be a fool
you are my all in all.
and i thank you Father God for these 3 songs
that you've impressed upon my heart. i hear your
voice and i will choose to wait for you. because
in the stillness and in the quiet i know that
you are real. then all i ask is you strengthen
me that i may do your will.
cloud 9
i never expected to see you around.
no, especially when i was out looking like a
cuckoo. and when i went only because of a
last minute free ticket from my friend.
no not at all.
but for you, i hid a fisherman's friend ;)
shhsh
remember to be dishonest
i failed again today. i told the truth and i described
what i was feeling. its a lesson i must remind myself
and publicly. started during training today and i kept
to myself. somewhat, as usual. then i see the chairman
and and the stick insect after training doing extra
stuff.i grimaced and i did my own stuff later. somehow
chairman detected it and confronted me lah.
now why was i so STUPID to tell them i was buay song
with their way of training. i should have just smiled
and said i was just tired. why buay song? chairman needs
to settle himself first and stop telling stick insect
to increase weight! its a damn stupid training method
when the insect has no form at all lor.
and stick insect is damn insecure and always give excuses.
no body will make a big deal about how much you can lift
when we know you are not capable. so why rush the process.
train 6 months and hardly improve... something wrong right?
oso not as hard working as sidney.... sian
maybe i need more of alvin's tips on maneuvering after
all these years in this society. i always found his
sarcasm pointed and refreshing....hmmm maybe i take well.
but its this dumb irritating relationship where others cant
accept as good as they dish out.
prats
winded
ever have something hit you hard as if the wind was
sucked out of your chest, and then realized nothing
hit you at all?
it happened today at the dreaded 4-6 intro to int'l
relations lecture. i couldnt quite remember why but
the lecturer quoted john steinbeck. (of course that
would mean nothing to anyone in particular but i
kindda just reacted)
"the best laid plans of mice and men do often go awry"
sure i guess it it means nothing as it stands, pretty
much like man proposes but god disposes or anything
along those lines.
then i wikied the quote and then i remembered the story.
i read it sometime ago when i was younger and i
remember being wrenched inside. killing your best
friend and a man who wouldnt know any better, so
childlike... all to protect him from the worse treatment
and death by the mob.
how wrenching is that?
well, i like my lecturers well read. :D
a few words
i met ah fu today. below central library while i was
hiding away from the rain after visiting the doctor
to pay him 25bucks to tell me, " your wound is a little
fresh, but its fine. dont need to come back." yes.
that cost me $25. you see the power that doctors
wield over us.
i told ah fu how much i want to earn my seat on the
boat, again. how i'd compete and sacrifice to get it.
he commented that i'm still the same. of course. i'm
just going to be direct to the people who know me
well enough to take my words for what they are. i
guess there's no need to be brutally truthful to
those who are not secure enough to take comments for
what they are.
i did it differently though. i told him that a boat
has 20 seats, and only 10 a side. and i simply said,
i badly want one.
there, he noted that i still have the drive to compete,
and i approach the situation differently. enough said.
i just want one lousy medal that was denied me. i just
want to make it right to those whom i failed because
they couldnt trust me from what i said. i just want that
sense of honour back for my friends who cried, bitterly
and more than once. when i go down, when i'm raised up,
i wear that lousy piece of metal, as a salute all those
who couldnt.
and i still wear them for you.
holiday
not much of it for that matter, especially when its
with the family +1 (brother's appendage) because God
help me when they go shopping. both my brothers are
more normal so they like going shopping too. i
faced strong objection in trying to change the look
of my wardrobe, i was going for an "eastern" and
maybe a little "indian" look for the next sem.
just for the fun of it. indians are cool, they
contributed a few religions which influenced the
beatles which led to hot crazes in mysticism and
yoga. they passed us bollywood, bhangra and curries.
so whats there to be uncool about?
bah humbug, chinese chauvinists.
but anyway, when the manly activities come however,
like anything mechanical, jungle or involves speed,
yours truly perks up and enjoys himself more. like this.
he is also happier when he's outdoors and the wind
blows into his face and he feels connected to every
naturally formed thing on earth. like the higher
elevation of penang reservoir where the race where
we didnt go to was held.
then we drove for about 140km to the thai border
since 3 of us were fluent in malay so we felt very
comfortable. though the car really sucked because
the air condition leaked (on everyone, and in rather
copious amounts)
both pictures of the customs are on the malaysian side
though u may notice that the building design has features
that incorporate a mix of both sides. beyond that was
the border town (the one you hear about often in the
news reports) we didnt go far in because we'd be unable
to speak or read thai, and due to my grandma we didnt
have the luxury of getting lost in thailand. its a luxury,
just like making mistakes are luxuries, its tough to
afford, you can't do it all the time and it makes you
feel accomplished when you figure things out for yourself.
so i didnt get to eat much street food, and i thought
the food in singapore was much better anyway. here's
one of penang from the (former) prison island, pulau
jerejak. i was on the atv trail so it was surrounded
by trees, and it could be queensbay mall(the biggest)
at the back, or maybe i blocked it.
i guess the only fun thing i did throughout the trip
was to navigate around the island. we didnt even have
time to visit the landmarks, like the fort, temples
or the peak of penang hill. here's an atavism of a bygone
era. i didnt know they still keep these things operational.
the base station, it reads flag hill train (station).
oh and if you're wondering about the clothes, i was
trying to pass off as a malaysian. which worked
until my very intelligent mother told everyone that
we were from singapore. so suddenly, we were charged
"singapore" prices. (no one could guess since we were
driving a penang rentel car and my dad, grandma and
i who were the main ones who talked to the locals are
fluent in malay).
to end it all, here are some stitches for you to
look at close up. i'm going back to my demanding
training schedule soon. enjoy.
i hate handphones
did you hear about the people who cannot seem to live
without their handphones, or those who need to be in
contact almost every other second in time? do you hate
the message that tells you, that - hey 'm going to be
half an hour late and i'll meet you at some xyz place.
i'm really sorry about it. later - and you know that
person abc probably had some rats ass reason like he
couldnt wake up, started preparing too late or just
couldnt be bothered to be on time?
i friggin hate it. the total disrespect for another's
time and it seems that the handphone is the key factor
that allows people who engage in this kind of behaviour
to get away with it with a mere, tsk, ok meet you at
new place xyz1. just because one was "polite enough"
to inform the other to expect his tardyness, he was
able to get away with it. what about the politeness
of being on time.
i used to remember that in the days where we didnt have
handphones we'd have a predesignated place and time to
meet. and if its a big group, you faced everyone's
ire if you kept the group waiting. now everyone just
got more selfish and decided that hey, their time is
much more important than everybody else's.
so that's part one. part two is when the other party
is constantly smsing. i'm pretty sure the main
intention of a lunch gathering is to be observed to
be eating while the other party smses away.
oh bite me, i'm just not used to the people who behave
this way. sigh
