spent a bomb today, bought so many new books i think i almost absolved myself from all the free reading when i was a kid. ok not really, but it was quite a hefty sum and i probably saved about 50 bucks with a 35% discount. great. but when am i going to find the time to read? tsk. singaporean impulse of buying things that are usually unstocked on a generous discount. so much as i prefer to support borders rather than kino in my affirmative action towards browse-able books i think they desperately need to overhaul their inventory system. i waited 6 months for a current title until i couldn't wait any longer and bought an alternative instead. dang.
- for my personal reference.
were all germans the monsters we portrayed the reich under hitler to be? there were german heroes like sophie scholl.
if anything requires blind obedience, question it!
please try to understand this as well, for better cultural understanding. http://hazariba.com/index.shtml why is it true? what philosophy and assumptions are necessary (look beyond the obvious, what is really being done)? can and should it be applied usefully elsewhere.
i had an interesting day today. firstly, it was free from sports (that felt a little weird) but it was busy no less (that was weirder). started by going for a talk about the ci.vil serv.ice at the ci.vil ser.vice college in the morning. it was about their prestigious man.agement ass.ociates programme, which i found very informative as i had a look at how we choose people for our top posts. of course i also felt very laokui because sign on needs certain grades which i too happily wasted away as a freshie. no matter, since what i got a closer look at what happens behind the scenes and i'm happy with that.
so reflecting on the importance of structure and the behavior of organizations, i made my way to town for work. didnt sin this time when i had an ice-blended with cream, after all its thankless obeying certain man-made rules.
headed to borders after work and wished that i could bring some people with me whenever i scan books. but i wouldnt want to change all paradigms, some are not worth the effort.
wonder were i can find open minded individuals to share ideas with anyway...
oh i liked one quote i heard today, especially when it came from one of the higher ups in the service. dont ask permission to do, do first, ask forgiveness later... i cracked up man. you would too if you knew who it came from
thanks to nic who got me to try something i've had up my sleeve for a long time but never really quite got the motivation to do.
today was a great day, after thursdays talk with nic i decided that i could go for a loaf of bread diet too. and why not? it saves me cash, it saves me finding a seat during lunch hour in this overcrowded campus and i get to eat smaller sized but more frequent "meals" because i'll be carrying my food with me. i also went for a swim today instead of landwork. hopefully it will help my tired legs recover after the punishing session i gave myself yesterday.
so i guess the bread was a hit in class. great for tutorial introductions. joked about government price hikes and how we are all expected to live more cheaply and things wont get much cheaper and sustaining after bread. so imagine a loaf costs $3 and a loaf lasts you a day. (yes, today is my first day, i tried) thats the sum of 15 bucks a week on food alone, and assume that it saves you 30 bucks off your food bill, thats a cool 900 bucks in a 30 week year. neat. wonder what we can do with an extra 900 bucks.
but that wasnt so much my main point of the experiment. i mean, a famous man once said that man shall not live by bread alone and i agree. thats why mine has banana and walnut added. pure enriched white could cost as low as $1.50!! anyway i figured that the point of this experiment is to see how long i can last eating like this. we may want to scrimp to save cash when times arent great but i'm pretty sure we dont want to make it a lifestyle. the implications being that, theres a limit to how long and how much we would tighten our belts. i'd admit it was great for the first day, but really, how long more?
joking around in class i introduced myself as an energy scientist, ironically of course, in the social science faculty. but food security is a tactical energy need that we usually take for granted. much as i am assured that i would get my rice and meat, i wonder if i am at the mercy of import price inflation. i'm pretty sure our farms cant cater to everyone and we'll run out of frozen food given time while trusting 'other' sources to bail us out. but in the interim, what would we buy and eat to survive.
today was also great because of lunch, hung out with gerry and her friends. but the funniest part was when she was driving. its amazing how girls drive. and when you're inside the car and experiencing the emotions you crack up doubly hard. like how they get kan cheong and drive too aggressively, beating yellow lights and running zebra crossings when there's pedestrians because their foot was on the accelerator and they stepped on the gas because of shock, only to go "oh shit" later. or how braking to stop feels like an emergency brake. but what was funny was when she went round the round about at science. oh my goodness, you could practically see both the bus and the car stop in shock when they saw that it was a girl driving. (i think she didnt signal the turn so both vehicles crossed the double broken white lines already) i just cracked up.
why? why? why? i so want to go for the timbre musicfest on campus. but when i checked the date again its on wednesday! i have work on wednesdays. at the moment i'm inconsolable. oh well when i remember that i need to pay my own school bills, i can only shrug and say that's life. sigh. if only i had rich parents who would dote on me and spoil me rotten...
on second thought. i went in eyes wide open with the value system i chose to adopt for myself. whatever. at this point, the i cant go decision stings the most.
that was the label of the folder that contained all my photos in the thumbdrive gerry passed to me. this psychological conditioning is starting to get a little creepy because most of the people who become my best friends or what i'd consider best friends leave, for other countries or different paths in life. you can't always keep those best friends because when its time to leave for whats best for them, you have to let them go. so i guess i'll put up some pictures of my brother who is a qualified red beret, i have another but he's a little different from the two of us. maybe its the age gap before he came along. life was still tough for the both of us, and thankfully we never turned out as spoilt as number 3. then again the last one is always the baby of the family i guess, the only one parents hold on to when they watch the rest of their children spread their wings and fly away.
i dont have sisters, so the girl in red is my brother's girlfriend. and these are her pictures which i will upload soon, for your viewing pleasure.
i guess there was a reason why i happened to be in a brotherhood shirt on that passing out parade on friday, but i memories will fade after a while. it is a really nice shirt though.
i always like to think that theres something out there on another shore waiting for me, or maybe i just like nature
and that's perspective. a faraway look and some distance to tell you how small and "insignificant" you are. but the great thing is the sea is clean, blue and beautiful. the breeze is strong and fresh. the sun smiles gently. the invigorating feeling of rest is priceless.
trying to figure out the underwater relief by watching the waves break as they hit the shore. gives me an idea where i would like to cast a rod for fish. at the kelong where i had a real good meal, free, i am happy.
one more at the kelong. damn i'm tan. ok thats not the point, but i can pass off as a local. i love the breeze and the laid back feel. living simply, simply living off the sea. i think i'm a kampong boy at heart.
i stayed up till 3am because my mind couldn't put to rest the decisions i made and sorrow i felt. but i guuess it really did get better today. i went back to work and got a pay raise, i also received a cash bonus for a job done even though i was not expecting a cent at all, and it seems that iam getting even more job offers due to some recommendations. i should feel really happy but its been dulled. then i received some encouraging emails again from sources which were unexpected.
so here is a timely reminder that relieves my soul.
SCARS OF LIFE
Some years ago, on a hot summer day in South Florida , a little boy decided to go for a swim in the old swimming hole behind his house.
In a hurry to dive into the cool water, he ran out the back door, leaving behind shoes, socks, and shirt as he went.
He flew into the water, not realizing that as he swam toward the middle of the lake, an alligator was swimming toward the shore. His father, working in the yard, saw the two as they got closer and closer together.
In utter fear, he ran toward the water, yelling to his son as loudly as he could. Hearing his voice, the little boy became alarmed and made a U-turn to swim to his father. It was too late.
Just as he reached his father, the alligator reached him. From the dock, the father grabbed his little boy by the arms just as the alligator snatched his legs.
That began an incredible tug-of-war between the two. The alligator was much stronger than the father, but the father was much too passionate to let go. A farmer happened to drive by, heard his screams, raced from his truck, took aim and shot the alligator. Remarkably, after weeks and weeks in the hospital, the little boy survived. His legs were extremely scarred by the vicious attack of the animal.
And, on his arms, were deep scratches where his father's fingernails dug into his flesh in his effort to hang on to the son he loved. The newspaper reporter who interviewed the boy after the trauma,asked if he would show him his scars. The boy lifted his pant legs. And then, with obvious pride, he said to the reporter,
'But look at my arms. I have great scars on my arms, too. I have them because my Dad wouldn't let go.' You and I can identify with that little boy.
We have scars, too. No, not from an alligator, but the scars of a painful past. Some of those scars are unsightly and have caused us deep regret. But, some wounds, my friend, are because God has refused to let go.
In the midst of your struggle, He's been there holding on to you. The Scripture teaches that God loves you. You are a child of God. He wants to protect you and provide for you in every way. But sometimes we foolishly wade into dangerous situations, not knowing what lies ahead. The swimming hole of life is filled with peril - and we forget that the enemy is waiting to attack.
That's when the tug-of-war begins - and if you have the scars of His love on your arms, be very, very grateful. He did not and will not ever let you go. You just never know where a person is in his/her life and what they are going through.
Never judge another person's scars, because you don't know how they got them. - forwarded email
some humourous adverts
wedding dress for sale. worn once by mistake.
for sale by owner: complete set of encyclopedia britannica, 45 volumes. excellent condition. $1000 or best offer. no longer needed. got married last month. wife knows everything.
the hardest test to pass sometimes is the test against yourself. yes, i still feel that certain people have been less than honest but, i will be reacting to them instead of acting if i continue to believe that i am being victimized.
hence i will choose to forgive them instead. i should be thankful that i don not live in a world of insecurites like they do. my life isnt about maintaining an image because there is not need to, i dont need to pretend to be better in order to ensure others have a more favorable opinion of me.
i should act differently because i know better. i should stay true to myself because that matters. i will be a sucker for my ideals because to give up is to give in to the pressures of conformity.
i will love them even if means an injustice to myself. i am a better man. i will live like one.
i went to the christian university dedication service today instead of training with the team. feeling free for the first time on a thursday, dragged myself there with a heavy heart because the a2 bus passed by the guys as they were doing their warm ups. and the memories just came rushing back. it wasnt so long ago that i was there, amongst them. freshie. it wasnt so long ago that i kept those words of hope in my heart. it wasnt so long ago when i could look all around me and row through the toughest trainings because i believed so strongly that everyone around would do the same for me. because we're there for each other. :) no questions asked.
i walked to the back of the hall to find a seat, and was called over by a friend. he asked me how i was, i told him i'm fine. then he asked me how was my sport. and he was shocked when i told him i quit. he exclaimed that he didnt think it was possible. he then explained to another friend sitting beside that i had, yes he used the word had, a love affair with the sport. i felt even worse. i smiled anyway. i didnt want to show that i was in pain.
was expressing some feelings to myself in other languages because, i dont like to describe my feelings in english. its too clinical, i'm too precise and i am a stickler for using the most accurate word for any given situation. then i remembered this. i used to sing this song to ben when i told him how i would motivate myself to row harder.
here goes. i shall attempt to translate with my rusty spanish. i'll take some liberties to give you more precise definition rather than just translate it word for word or it will be rather, ermz, plastic?
taken from http://www.lyrics007.com/Juanes%20Lyrics/Fotografia%20Lyrics.html
Cada vez que yo me voy llevo a un lado de mi piel Tus fotografías para verlas cada vez Que tu ausencia me devora entero el corazón Y yo no tengo remedio más que amarte
every time when i leave(you) i carry your photo close to my heart that i may see you everytime because your absence consumes all my heart and there is no cure for me but to love you
Y en la distancia te puedo ver Cuando tus fotos me siento a ver Y en las estrellas tus ojos ver Cuando tus fotos me siento a ver
and in the distance its you i see when i sit down and look at your pictures and in the stars i see your eyes when i sit down to gaze at your picture
Cada vez que te busco te vas Y cada vez que te llamo no estás Es por eso que debo decir que tú sólo en mis fotos estás
everytime i see you leave everytime i call and you're not there i feel that you're only there in my photos
Cuando hay un abismo desnudo Que se opone entre los dos Yo me valgo del recuerdo taciturno de tu voz Y de nuevo siento enfermo este corazón Que no le queda remedio más que amarte
whenever there is a gaping divide between us and i remember your hurtful words my heart hurt's afresh but there's nothing better that remains but to love you
Y en la distancia te puedo ver Cuando tus fotos me siento a ver Y en las estrellas tus ojos ver Cuando tus fotos me siento a ver
Cada vez que te busco te vas Y cada vez que te llamo no estás Es por eso que debo decir que tú sólo en mis fotos estás
hurts but hey, i still remember some spanish ;) in chinese, its called yuan wang
the times are changing i guess. there are fewer training sessions yet fewer people turn up for group trainings. ( i know i quit, but i'm not a disinterested party) i wonder why? did the school system do such an excellent job that students are more hardworking these days (i need their help if its so, i remember school being a life of ceaseless play, with discipline master breaks) so how come attendance isnt full for a 4 time a week training?
i have an idea, its called the bare minimum theory if theres only 3 trainings that are official, why come for more? unless we raise the stakes of course ( in my time because there were so many of us, we were told to fight for a place on the boat.) as far as i know, since the numbers are rather small, most will probably fill a boat. 3 times a week. i dont think we're planning on winning anything at this rate. we would finish with pull ups so that everyone would hit 20 and above or 25 and above. not anymore. 3 to 4 water sessions a week? forget it. team fund too low. seniors go and row themselves, still no ok from the top or organization.
and
i'm still not coming back because i feel that i have been victimized, of course with protests from the top. i shall not fight it! i have fought cried and bled enough and in the end there is always justification from the top. and there is always rumblings from the bottom. the solution of course is to be forthright but due to the cliquish nature of the team, somethings are better said to some people ( a modification of a certain famous line) some things are interpreted through a personal lens without clarification.
a relationship guru would tell us that nothing makes or breaks a relationship like communication or a lack thereof. so what happens when rumors spread without consulting the source regardless of the intent? a misunderstanding!
a funny thing is that i realize i have never tried to change a persons character. i have always accepted people as they are. because people are a whole package, and we take them as they come, bad or good traits, who cares? i mean thats friendship right. (psst hint, you also have the right not to be friends with people you dont like) all my friends are not perfect, but i have never forced them to be something they are not to qualify for friendship, i wonder why something like this must happen to me. hey i'm no ubermensch to be perfected ya know.
i guess the question that was asked of me before i left the table was needless. would i continue being honest and frank after realizing that there will always be some way to justify why i shouldn't have my feelings an opinions? no. silence and a hollow will be my witness.
so went for the fencing appreciation course today and was quite pleased with the new experience. only regret was actually arriving on time because they started one hour late. (never learn lah, punctuality is never rewarded) anyway, i smiled it off and everything was wonderful.
i was quite intrigued about the skill work and i was quite pleased that i would adapt to the sport easily because of my physique. but, the clothes are a shocker!!! eew eew eew. had someone else's sweat all around me, and i probably stink like the countless people who wore the suit before me, yuck!
is this what i should be doing for the rest of this year? cost-wise, it is more expensive, but i have lots of time savings. it is not physically demanding so it may be an issue if i need it to keep me fit.
i guess it is attractive when you think that you will be pitting yourself against another man for man in the competition. you wont know how he thinks or reacts, you dont bother about his physique. but you know that he's thinking, how to kill you? how to win? what your weaknesses are? its pure survival, adrenaline pumping and mentally trying. is that the test i need? what is the next barrier i must break?
so here goes.
windsurf - too far
canoepolo - too late
fencing - too ex
upcomming
tri/ bi climbing dance
till i get more ideas then!
of ocurse the reasons are incomplete, the positive things would be what i must aim for. what i can do to train or build myself to be a better person
An innocent babble, which involved a tattle that inspired a rabble
A group gathered It formed at dusk Men worked together To accomplish a task The goal at the end Was not to be last Where the stakes are high Success is a must.
Dr Seuss would be proud.
So fired the nerve center That was wired to the brain An electrical signal an impulse of pain?
yet what moves a tired man devoid of strength but the will of his mind and greatness of heart
then comes a time when dreams must depart et tu brute, our friends made the cut
since i figured i was inherently not so useful and i guess no body wants an individualistic coxswain. lemmie see what plans have cropped up recently.
oh? another go for certain trials. i wonder which one.
aha another appreciation course, thats great! more new stuff.
i just realized that hey, i have more time to spend with friends who dont just "use" you for your contributions. after all we all need the freedom to pursue our dreams right?
more time for dance classes too, maybe its time to be more artistic and expressive. life keeps getting better. smile.
no it isnt. but i felt that instead of speculating, i could write about stuff to get it out. cheers, seems like its the season to be sullen. lets give them our biggest smile.
i think we'll have to get some things right first. this is my blog, if you dont like what you read or see.
1) leave
2) comment
3) sue
4) go play hide, and .... yourself
you get the idea. i dont give 2 hoots if it upsets anyone. i cant make everyone happy. today aint your day and tomorrow dont look good either. this is my space, and i have been responsible by putting up facts. if you think what has been typed is scurrilous or spurious or defamatory, please sue.
please remember that this page is unlinked at all by the author, and there was no intention to use this as a political attack or platform to air dissenting views. this is a diary! and it my right to pen my version or opinion of stuff that has transpired. wake up, you're not perfect and you dont have to do everything in your power to make me happy. if you're unhappy you're not perfect, suit yourself.
dragged to the back by ray again today. not for coxing matters this time. the clandestine voyeurs who read my blog (yes thats you ;)) decided that you need a power trip. so because image is everything, i'm not allowed an imperfect view of our team. so too bad i'm not the best walking ad. so i have to be still less individualistic. so now i'm not allowed to blog my feelings about the team because it hurts some feelings.
get a grip control freaks, if you think i'm doing something so wrong, sue.
if you think its individualistic to own a blog, get your own. it isnt that hard. you'll find that if you dont link or publicize like me, no body will read your blog. no body cares. but if somehow you want to nitpick over my memories. butt off, and grow up.
if you think life is all about image, i'm so sorry but most people dont care. just like i dont care if you think i need to watch my diet. i'm not a herd robot and i dont think i'm not being a team player.
figured why the juniors dont bitch about my behavior? because they know that my actions speak louder. ever wondered who does the logistics all the time? always joe? ever wondered if he had a constant volunteer. ever wondered about who gets stuff, draws stuff, will be around, gives lifts... must everything be seen and shown before you are content to leave people alone?
how about this, i'll leave you guys alone. i think you need more yes men in your team. i think i dont need to come for training. i need to find a new activity. keeping silent at the back is not enough for you, shout and count for you also must. find other dogs, i've got my own mind.
as succinctly put by ray, to you, i'm just a waste of time. cheers.
oh and one more thing. thanks the guys in my batch you guys were good friends. maybe if theres something more than the sport that made us friends, then lets still be. if not, its nice knowing you but i really dont want "brothers" who are anything but. i guess i learnt a lot about life with you guys and you deserve my gratitude. i'm sorry i cant be strong enough for you guys, but i think i'm drawing the line at team politics. i'll be taking a break for a while. maybe a long while, wish you guys all the happiness and success.
i used to remember the gongfu novels or serials of old, and its always a little bit confusing when they start reciting one long list which sorts of aids them in performing their martial arts.
then came along jin yong or louis cha who nicely explained in return of the condor heroes what those lines meant. well basically one of those sayings was how energy would rise from the ground and is channeled into the punch or something to that effect. i thought it just dumb chinese poetry or sayings at first. but i realized maybe it could have a ring of truth after all because the words may not be direct instruction but rather instruction that was described.
so this article was inspired as i watched the olympics. from badminton to the track events, throwing to weightlifting. and i found that hey, it was true. at the final execution in strength exertion (of course this is coupled with tv research in extreme martial arts and my amazing body) there is a lot of leg strength injected into the motion. a lot of stabilizing work by the core muscles of the body to produce the power in the execution.
so i have it! it is my most sincere recommendation that we focus very strongly on developing good leg strength. NOTE: it is VERY DIFFERENT from cardio vascular fitness. this will be the best prescription to overcome out current plateau of performance by some of our team mates ( those i have in mind anyway).
just some notes and reminders to myself. will strategize more when i think of it
thats jun and me, she's back from boston dance school and she's so cool now, because she can pwn all the dancers in singapore ;) lol, she'll kill me for that but hey, she didnt age at all! asian women have a prolonged youth secret.
jun and navin, because they will be best buddies in the us of a very soon. all their varsities are so close together. across the river, across the street, across the highway, pond, you get the idea
as jacko says, if you wanna be my baby it dont matter if you black or white
shooting star, shooting star, my junior crusaders!
some wet games. if you notice i still had my red cap
my hasselhoff moment? dunked the guy in
there, feet on the sail, paddle your way out. man look at those glutes. dont know what gluts are? dont tell you...lol. stop looking already!
i am i powerful board splasher. i can splash fast and i can splash powerful. just look at that backwash. and those tsunami waves. lol
i'm officially cool. center of the ring. standing, moving and going strong.
in the process of the 180 degree turn see the immense concentration? yeah? and the strong leg muscles too. the 2 black things are handles. so i'm flipping the sail towards the back. they say its supposedly easier. didnt feel that way
doing a jibe. supposedly advanced level but i felt it was easier than the above.
wow so many!!! spot the pretty one. quick! quick!
thats my group! cheers! see you guys again
lol. now this was a very lighthearted post. for deeper matters. tune in next time. voyeurs please beg a certain usp photographer to gimmie my photos if you wanna see more.
ok ok, so the other entry is a memory now and i've thought it over and i think, it isn't a big deal at all. words are cheap, promises dont get kept, people will treat the others as expandable. grow up, stop being an idealist and just accept the world as it is. yes it will be hard for me since i've always tried to aspire to an ideal, but its not going to save my blood pressure isnt it. political realism and economic self interest determine the movements of the world, resignation and not resistance is the way to go.
forget it dude. you will be in a predominantly chinese, hierachical and confucianist society that eschews values that you champion. worry about the more important things. stop caring about people. you only hurt because you care. look at the best examples who have a carefree look at life. life is fun, laughter, peace and joy. no need to worry about improvement, or of greater causes. society serves to perpetuate itself, flawed but complete. improvements are but epochs, drastic, few and far between.
i should worry about this. how am i going to deal with 6 modules. i'm starting to realize that language modules are crazy and not as simple as i thought they might be. projects are also what i want to avoid. too bad now. its done. i've bid for it. i've got it. i'll push through it. no matter the cost.
i should worry about this. my kid is back so i will have regular income again. what should i teach. what values should i pass down. how do i present information that it can be easily digested. how much time should i spend with him, is there a better way to meet his needs.
i should worry about my pro bono work. how much should i volunteer. how much time can i afford to spend? life isnt about the pursuit of attainment alone, can i still do this and do it well?
i should worry about getting good rest. how can i overcome my bad sleeping habits. that restful sleep eludes me has always been a cause for concern. how can i improve the way i rest.
i should worry about my social life. how much longer must i sacrifice it all, when my friends of old have drifted apart. the experiences are but faint memories in which the joy of the moment is savoured in less than its full measure if we gather to reminisce. when the joy of friendship turns cold, what holds?
i should worry about my physical activities. have i forgotten why i am doing the things i am? have i misplaced my priorities.
i should worry about god. when things go into their full swing, and i forget him totally and try to do it on my own strength. when i run away from the close relationship with him. am i making the biggest mistake of all?
maybe these are the greater causes for worry. afterall, give rich people an extra dollar and your act of charity is an insult. likewise time should be spent on worthwhile pursuits. a definition i should re-examine.
it is just too early for this nonsense to start! i distinctly remember at the agm that this year was to be started on a clean slate. forget the past, the horrible stuff and we will build a brighter future tomorrow. wasnt that supposed to be the idea? we were supposed to have a united team, where we dont bitch about people, accept variety really just leave everything behind.
then comes the shocker.
as usual, ray is one of the few people to spit things to my face because the rest of the seniors have very little gumption to do anything that could be remotely unpleasant. (but oh they are willing to bitch. a whole fat lot! wimps)
the story starts like this, training ends and ray pulled me to a side. an honour indeed because ray usually doesnt say much to anyone especially if its important. happy people like to joke a lot without talking about meaningful stuff. usually. so it was great that he had something important to tell me.
now i've made it rather public that i was interested to be the new cox because i seriously felt that i will improve as a rower if i could learn to have a better assessment of water conditions. well of course the next thing i heard is that some bl**dy chickend**k seniorS (i emphasize the S to indicate plural) felt that i would not be a good cox and that they would have no faith in me as i cox the boat. why? because if i call out they wont row for me. why? because they said i was individualistic!
what a load of HANGUPS! goodness. things were supposed to have started afresh. if the decision was a valued judgment, i would have appreaciated the sentiment being told to my face. i appreciate the fact that there's jealousy also, because who wouldnt want to cox right? new skills. if they felt i was individualistic, they are darn childish coz they supposedly agreed to leave the past behind. they hardest bit, no faith in me because i'm "too individualistic" is the most bulls**t thing i've heard in a long time.
no faith... so does that mean that they dont have faith in me when i row also? thats why i was "denied" a place in the cup crew izzit? so if the bl**dy seniors dont have faith in me, ask me to quit lah! a**holes! look its normal to have a beef with someone, i have spots of unhappiness too. but i seriously decided to give things a fresh start. i dont say stupid things like i have no faith in jeff because he screwed up his term as capt. i dont say stupid things like i have no faith in sid because he's weak. i have no faith in the right side people because they cannot pull efficient water. i have no faith in ben because his stroke is damn lousy. i just dont say things like that. i dont deserve to have something like that said to me. INDIRECTLY.
i have no issues if someone tell me to my face something like that. really. i would talk to him to at least solve our problem how he can have faith in me. but if you dont like me, and you try to smear me like that. it is totally messed up man. i'm essentially the most open and direct person in the team of hypocrites, liars and rumour mongers.
why cant the stupid team keep simple promises like starting afresh? why is everything reminiscent of the 07/08 era where the screwed up seniors keep every f**k thing to themselves? where is the openness, brotherhood? come on lor. if the dumb yr 3's and 4's think i'm so weak i cant row or cox, tell me lah! tell me how to improve lah. problem is most of them are just weak anyway. problem is they are just stubbornly traditional anyway. hopefully they are not like jeff the worst one, keep every little thing to himself. he epitomizes why everything about the team is screwed up. if you keep something which is an issue affecting the team ALL to yourself, how the heck are you ever going to solve anything?
todays episode just shows us something. smart uni students never learn from their mistakes. good singaporeans will always pass down their habits, right or wrong without questioning. and habitual culture is hard to break, wrong things will always be passed down by idiots who never question. wonder whats the use of going to science fac or engin if that spirit of inquiry or hypothesis testing is never used outside of class in the first place? intelligent students real life idiots indeed.
Conclusion: This final chapter is more passionate and urgent than its predecessors. In it, Thoreau criticizes Americans' constant rush to succeed, to acquire superfluous wealth that does nothing to augment their happiness. He urges us to change our lives for the better, not by acquiring more wealth and material possessions, but instead to "sell your clothes and keep your thoughts," and to "say what you have to say, not what you ought." He criticizes conformity: "If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." By doing these things, men may find happiness and self-fulfillment.
walden, henry david thoreau
maybe i would have found a soulmate in him? -credits, wikipedia henry david thoreau
today an interesting subject in our test lab is an unusual specimen indeed. a familiar figure in my daily interactions, i have sought to convince him that certain adaptations to his training should be made. i am unsuccessful. however i feel that it is not that my ideas arent conveyed across but that the emphasis on which he puts on my suggestions prevent him from putting in better results. well, a big loss it is indeed.
you see when you have a subject who is 8/10 in fitness, 9/10 in endurance and 9/10 in strength he should not be pulling a 5/10 for his stroke. because stroke-wise in his technique it is a 3/10 and flexibility-wise he is about a 2/10. which is disturbing because increasing the performance of your two weakest areas to a 5/10 means that his stroke average would be a 7/10 which is very impressive!!!
so why is it that this subject doesnt do that? well, a possible explanation is that he feels that strength is a worthwhile remedy for the stroke deficiency. i feel that this reasoning is flawed. (or if he doesnt think so, then his actions certainly prove so) i believe that the remedy would be an internalization of the stroke through repetitive exercise. that means NOT doing weights in the gym because he has the base strength already. but does he have the gumption to do so, outside of his leadership duties of the group? i'm waiting for time to tell.
i guess this problem is consistent for all amateur athletes, having witnessed another subject usually lauded for his strong will refuse to do exercises that target his weakness. embarrassment he quips. the repartee would be that it is less embarrassing to lose the cup then. well, i'm really tired of telling these subjects to check the mirror because the worst part is that self check isnt a concept that they are familiar with. to give advice when they have a different mental concept of how it applies also does not make my effort worthwhile. i know i dont have the years of a senior but hell i sure know the body better than you can even think that you do. i've done repetitive sports and won medals way before you young punks got silverware for this sport. no that doesnt matter.
an interesting feature of this is in the statement that common sense is not so common. there is logic of the hoi polloi and there "un-logical" truths. i say un-logical because they defy common reasoning. for example, we place the biggest value on things that we consider the most precious. demand and supply interact to give a price, of course with the concept of scarcity involved. so generally, we have a higher valuation (pay more) for more precious (dear) stuff.
we pay more for food than for water than for air. pr food > pr water > pr air (note, air is not scarce neither is it excludable) but should all 3 items be scarce and we have but a limited amount of money,
(lol, unlimited money makes the exercise both pointless and more meaningful. 1) i could get everything, because there is no opportunity cost when i need not forgo anything. meaningless exercise. 2) even with all the money but if external factors such as my actions, i.e. overconsumption, pollution mean that my money cannot get me the quality of goods i want, then perhaps i should change my actions rather than live with the consequences of my actions)
then the greatest valuation would be pr air > pr water > pr food because air allows you to live longer then the other two assuming we believe life is precious (most agree, unless you have a death wish) so we are grateful that the most essential things are free. some would connect this to salvation but lets not bandy another concept around.
in the same way, while it is not the practice to put a very high value on the air we breathe, ( for those who disagree, why not back your words with a sum of money that you would pay for it ;) i mean if the value you will put on clean, quality air is so high, consider piping gas for your own breathing consumption. afterall placing such a high value where your mouth is does make the hassle worthwhile right? e.g. people are willing to endure longer and more intrusive security checks because they place a premium on safety.) we also do not put a very high value on "wimpish" aspects of training. we would rather lift weights than get our technique and motion right. we would rather have an extra day of training then a good rest that our bodies may recover.
the same "uncommon" logic applies. like food to air we consider strength-work in the gym more essential to foundational improvement. no wonder our improvement in the performance curve is so gentle. what we are doing is "uncommon-logically" senseless, pretty much the paradox and point of this statement.
oh well, i am glad for one thing though. i got to meet jun and navin before they leave for the US again. sigh. why am i one of the few stayers in singapore when i could have left for richer pastures. the freedoms of thinking, ever so bridled here. creativity, energy and a sense of revolution that is constantly stifled in this parochial hierarchy. there is no point bringing experience when all dumb Singaporeans look at is age, and then they complain why younger workers are so inexperienced. crap, cant wait to go to a more honest, no-holds barred environment. the hypocracy here is just so thick!
life has been good, and school is starting soon. heck my life is reflected by my sleep! the best part of sleep is just before you wake up. lol. you would be smiling to yourself and then the alarm brings a rude interruption to your pleasant thoughts. just when i'm having fun and feel almost totally relaxed, school's gonna start soon. toilet paper man! the more you use, the faster it rolls. imitates life again.
what puts my ego in the clouds but by feet on terra firma is that i've got an exemption for my language class up to level 3 if i wanted. not bad huh? considering i dont have any formal training. after all 2 of the 4 languages i speak are self taught. but that also means i missed the cut off for 2 easier classes that i should have just faked through so that it can pull up my cap. now that means a missed opportunity to score without trying. damn, thats what happens when you go to places appropriate to your level. makes it harder to slack through life.
so i'm patiently waiting for round 3 of the bidding to start so that i can get my 7 modules for this sem. i know its crazy. i know that its not gonna leave me much free time. but i have to do it. just because its crazy. lets hope i dont regret too much when i'm older.
sentosa today was fun, especially throwing the polo ball. people popped up at unexpected places too, but all of us have our group of friends yeah.
no drinks, but we celebrated "the kam's" birthday. great choco cake. before heading to seah imm hawker center. shitty prata (no surprise). home at 1130.
yesterday was also great coz i finally met jun after ages! brought her out to eat some jappy food, coz she said jappy food in ammoh land sucks. i guess. but i was really happy she's happy and we both enjoyed ourselves very much. we had drinks at hillcrest/watten where my friends have brought me for some wood fired pizzas before. but i went for the belgium beers at least. fantastic brews i say! jun had cider, while i had the talking beer( yes it really talks, no shitting) and a cherry beer (too much like chai tea, almost syrupy ugh. fragrant but not my thing) and that, made my holidays.
great friends, great food, great drinks, exercise. thats what i call living life.
My wife called, 'How long will you be with that newspaper? Will you come here and make your darling daughter eat her food?
I tossed the paper away and rushed to the scene. My only daughter, Sindu, looked frightened; tears were welling up in her eyes. In front of her was a bowl filled to its brim with curd rice. Sindu is a nice child, quite intelligent for her age.
I cleared my throat and picked up the bowl. 'Sindu, darling, why don't you take a few mouthfuls of this curd rice? Just for Dad's sake, dear'.
Sindu softened a bit and wiped her tears with the back of her hands. 'Ok, Dad. I will eat - not just a few mouthfuls, but the whole lot of this. But, you should...' Sindu hesitated. 'Dad, if I eat this entire curd Rice, will you give me whatever I ask for?'
'Promise'. I covered the pink soft hand extended by my daughter with mine, and clinched the deal. Now I became a bit anxious. 'Sindu, dear, you shouldn't insist on getting a computer or any such expensive items. Dad does not have that kind of money right now. Ok?'
'No, Dad. I do not want anything expensive'. Slowly and painfully, she finished eating the whole quantity. I was silently angry with my wife and my mother for forcing my child to eat something that she detested.
After the ordeal was through, Sindu came to me with her eyes wide with expectation. All our attention was on her.
'Dad, I want to have my head shaved off, this Sunday!' was her demand.
'Atrocious!' shouted my wife, 'A girl child having her head shaved off? Impossible!'
'Never in our family!' My mother rasped. 'She has been watching too much of television. Our culture is getting totally spoiled with these TV programs!'
'Sindu, darling, why don't you ask for something else? We will be sad seeing you with a clean-shaven head.'
'Please, Sindu, why don't you try to understand our feelings?' I tried to plead with her.
'Dad, you saw how difficult it was for me to eat that Curd Rice'. Sindu was in tears. 'And you promised to grant me whatever I ask for. Now, you are going back on your words.. Was it not you who told me the story of King Harishchandra, and its moral that we should honor our promises no matter what?'
It was time for me to call the shots. 'Our promise must be kept.'
'Are you out of your mind?' chorused my mother and wife.
'No. If we go back on our promises, she will never learn to honour her own.. Sindu, your wish will be fulfilled.'
With her head clean-shaven, Sindu had a round-face, and her eyes looked big and beautiful.
On Monday morning, I dropped her at her school. It was a sight to watch my hairless Sindu walking towards her classroom. She turned around and waved. I waved back with a smile. Just then, a boy alighted from a car, and shouted, 'Sinduja, please wait for me!' What struck me was the hairless head of that boy. 'May be, that is the in-stuff', I thought.
'Sir, your daughter Sinduja is great indeed!' Without introducing herself, a lady got out of the car, and continued, 'that boy who is walking along with your daughter is my son Harish. He is suffering from... leukemia'. She paused to muffle her sobs. 'Harish could not attend the school for the whole of the last month. He lost all his hair due to the side effects of the chemotherapy. He refused to come back to school fearing the unintentional but cruel teasing of the schoolmates. Sinduja visited him last week, and promised him that she will take care of the teasing issue. But, I never imagined she would sacrifice her lovely hair for the sake of my son! Sir, you and your wife are blessed to have such a noble soul as your daughter.'
I stood transfixed and then, I wept. 'My little Angel, you are teaching me how selfless real love is!'
The happiest people on this planet are not those who live on their own terms but are those who change their terms for the ones whom they love.
so anyway i've shocked myself this past week by doing things impulsively, which was exciting precisely because it was scary. after all when things are unplanned you'll never know the results you're gonna get. but things still turned out fine so i hope it keeps improving.
i mean think about it, i've never thought that things, "just happen". somehow they do. i'm happier, strangely, but i'm keeping my fingers crossed. must be the new juniors *cough* indeed.
is it because there's responsibility in authority, like when you're a senior? or is it because when its time things just happen? do you eat popeye chicken because you happen to be at the airport or you are at the airport because you want popeye chicken? who cares? i dont.
but when you meet people, like friends by chance. or just call up someone whom you've not spoken with for a long time and you may be surprised that the call you made was the one they have been waiting for, or maybe not for some cases. but impulse you know, impulse.
its far from my habit to tend towards impulse, but hey somethings just happen ;). you.
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