you know your really short of time when everything is as simplified as possible. summarised - > + pay day rocks but i'm swimming under my work. lol even with out my sport!!! what happened? later
i seem to cause a certain effect in trying to change the status quo. no this isnt another change the world thing but part of my secret minor activities that i do and then smirk to myself thinking no one knows.
so recently i decided that i could do more at home since the holidays are here and i'm not so tired from exercise or studying since i pretty much do much less of either now. so in my typical fashion i washed the dishes, and cleaned up after meals. and i was thinking, good on you! be a good boy and no one knows. la la la something like that.
but things never quite go as planned. so the intended beneficiary of the dishes, my mom, had clean dishes which were done by themselves. and the unknown doer got a tongue lashing for being an ungrateful son.
so you can imagine... life is fair indeed.
must everything be so surface pretty? if i do something must i claim credit to be treated in the same nice manner. of course for those of you who find this vein familiar its because i just left something ( sounds like team doesnt it) because of this.
i guess it may not be karma, because doing bad stuff doesnt quite get anyone treated nicely. i'd gladly do more mean stuff if that were so. but i think someone out there enjoys people being miserable. too bad i still like smirking when i'm wronged.
i hate being THAT far ahead of the curve sometimes. so its been coming out in the newspapers recently about Spanish stuff Spanish food and places and whatnot. i can distinctly remember people going Spanish? try french or german. so i was the odd one out.
there were other incidents of course, especially certain comments i made which turned out to be true but i guess was never done in my presence.
kindda makes me remember my secondary school days i'd throw on a long sleeve shirt and a loud short sleeved one. then 6 months to a year later some clown store in orchard would try mimic the look and sell something that passes like that.
damnit, its damn irritating to be so been there done that. oh well, gotta resign myself to my bad luck of spotting things in advance and having great interesting friends. think i'll go sip a sherry and comfort myself in its sweetness
i think i've owed this post for a long time. its been 8 years since i've got together with the wife which i bought with money from the edusave scholarship. yeah, it was a real source of pride. just like everything important that i own or any big treat that i've given, its probably been done with my hard earned money. i've probably worked for it instead of saving my allowance from my parents to buy it. ahhh such memories always give me a nice warm feeling of sufficiency and responsible independence.
there she is! yeah shes goddamn old, 8 years is enough to turn a shiny can into a rustpot. and considering the amount of adventures i had with her. days of mud, heavy rain and trail, i'm thankful i've maintained her well when first bought her. the adventures i had with her included running away from cars, drifting behind buses, racing buses, getting into 2 accidents yet coming out alive and most importantly it was a milestone in getting my independence from my parents. i need not depend on anyone for transport. i was able to stay out as late as i wanted without a care if i made it back home.
i've got scars which i treat as trophies, and in the same way, i love the unique marks on my bike. like i know that theres an internal scratch on my suspension fork due to the going on the bt timah trail on slicks.
ahhh well, the way i look at it. the sexy slim tyres and the dumb "no smoking" sign i koped off dads car, the blue y framed body and frayed seat just screams love to me.
and i look even better when i'm moving! this model of engine mounted on the blue chassis is a '86 manufacture from a reputable company. decked in orange livery, it hosts a high oxygen intake feeder and a very strong "horsepower" 2 piston engine, one of the best in its class! both pistons are very well defined and will improve in looks and quality with regular use. good product, and waiting to be sold. prospective female clients need not haggle with parents. price negotiable. engine only, bike sold separately. :D
if you're mine, you aint heavy, i'll carry you for all the times you've carried me. cheers to many more years of good times ahead.
cyclohunt was good, but i've gotta learn how not to think like what was drilled into me by my varsity team. when i'm trying my best to have fun, 4th, 5th or whatever does not make me a "first loser" or something to that effect.
thats the 4 of us from the windsurf team! see team n.u.s. windsurf team!
then our 2nd stop, hence we still look fresh even my hair's not totally out of place. ( wait! actually, its called the "sexy windblown" effect)
no, no. not me sir. we didnt trespass. we wouldnt dare
i thought my legs would cramp and be more defined but i guess i was wrong. though i did whack, (i was the only mountain among the racers but i did not consistently cover the back) i guess its not as xiong as my usual runs, which includes mandai or changi round island trips. oh well, maybe i'm still fit then. good engine.
hmmmm the colour of the lights at the indoor stadium changes! beautiful. our last stop for the night since we decided based on fear not to complete all stations. we missed suntec, and returned with 20 mins to spare. oh well. but it was being part of a group and enjoying time with each other that was fun.
yeah heh heh! its time for me and the missus to go out again. its been awhile since we've got things going on so i'm really waiting expectantly for tonight to come.
its the cyclo-hunt or watchamacallit. and i've got a nice long ride lined up for me. so maybe i'll take a few pictures of my dear old faithful bike who has weathered 8 long years with me.
my dear wife! finally! lets terrorize the roads again.
damn! i swear if all girls were this nosey, i'll run away and hide in some deserted hill and never come out. my self proclaimed "best friend" ahem decided to check through all my stuff. and you know as with all girls when the grab things, they put it next to their chests. so all i'm left to do is demand impotently for my stuff to be returned so she went through my phone... nothing there of course. my wallet... i thought she only wanted to see my cute matric card photo. but what got my goat was the diary!!!! oh man. this is really life. nobody is gonna give you privacy. from your team all the way to the concerned parties on how you live your life. ehy. i've never asked anyone to do anything for me, no no you're not obliged to. i've not forced anyone to change the way they are.
i've only asked for open debate.
oh well, i'll wait in dread as my "best friend" blackmails, blogs and tells everyone of what i've been up to. i'm such a sad case.
the problem with my course is that i never really have a slack week unless i take all modules from my faculty. the exception is if they are language modules which i'm apparently getting myself killed over. why? because its 5 hours a week(and more) there are projects and daily homework.
thats fantastic but theres still more, 1 presentation and 1 video from business. and i still have 3 essays to finish. now a normal work hating guy like me is seriously stretched. and theres a great temptation to say, i don't care and just not do the work at all. thats not the point. so here comes the best part, i have a business presentation and i'm the only one in my team who vaguely understands whats going on in the question? how can! i thought i can slack! i mean it doesnt mean that because i'm a double major i'll do everything you know.
the worse thing is i have to use the comp to make powerpoint slides and i hate doing that. it doesnt help that i'm down with a fever so my voice is hoarse and it hurts to speak. i cant even exercise to make myself feel better. i still have work tomorrow. i'm drowning under an endless sea of readings.
all well an interesting life isnt always fun, wonder where i'm going to find time and energy for other stuff. its just too bad my parents never had mugger genes.
solo ayer que nos mirando la pelicula noodle a juntos. y hoy, tengo mucho ocupado. porque tengo deportes, (badminton), trabajo y una produccion bailar con mis amigos de iglesia. nos divertiamos pero siento hay que un poco poco que me falta.
y que? que? cuando tengo muchas companyeros, mucho actividades y no tiempo a pensar.
no se, pero siento. no entiendo, pero es muy claro.
creo que tu necessito. cuando miraba la produccion tu se recuerdo. quiero con ti. pero ... si...
ella tan prisa? pero yo se que queremos los cosas iguals ella tiene todo soy quiero en mis suenyos ella comes el comer caliente. ella hace los cosas que hago y muchos otros similar.
ella tan joven? solo tiene diezynueve anyos, soy veintydos. nos madurez no similar. tengo miedo si pido que somos novios...
pues. solo se ella quiero. pero no decimos con ella.
i'm really excited about tomorrow, though i'm really nervous because i really hope things dont go wrong. but right now, i just feel lucky and i hope i keep feeling that way.
hmmmm at the same time, wonder if i should donate blood or not.
i remember watching that movie with victor sometime back so i guess i've got him to thank for my love of art house films. besides the fact that it was in Spanish and i thought it would have been great to find out how much i can actually understand when i watched the film. well bits of it. but i bought the movie anyway because i felt it made such and impact on me.
so imagine how i felt when i read the article on euthanasia in today's newspaper. in a warped kind of way i felt relieved because i saw different people facing different fears of the unknown compelled to face their fears for different reasons. they do things which go against the grain of establish practices of society because they believe in their decision whether others judge it as right or not is besides the point.
pretty much how i viewed life when i've always opted for the more dangerous or demanding path because there was so much to see and do that was just different. i just dont know if its compatible now if i intend a lifestyle change. but maybe all i need is more sleep, perhaps i'll have more time to dream
its funny how one can like and dislike something so much at the same time. especially now when i'm changing my lifestyle, i have to re-look and re-order some of my values so i think it would be useful to list them here so that i can revert to a previous self i know i'm comfortable with rather than let a progression of my future self take me down a path i dont like seeing in the mirror.
one of my favorite activities is enjoying the silence. i love being by myself, alone, appreciating, listening just enjoying the earth. but silence is also one of my biggest fears. its irrational, but that is true. but a special kind of silence, not the kind where you have nothing to say in class but a much more personal kind.
its silence where you want to say something but you fear it doesnt come out right because the person whom you want to say it to matters. its the kind of silence where the seconds stretch to eternity and yet you dont want it to end. its a heavy silence where you feel inclined to say something, anything, but nothing saves and nothing seems right. its a kind of silence that never happens when you're alone. its a silence between persons.
being logical then i thought i'd dissect why i feel that way. is it because i would seem incompetent or stupid? is it because i would feel embarrassed? is it because it matters how the other would respond to your words?
weeded something out already. i'm not afraid of group silences because the effect of communication is borne by the group. one is no more guilty of silence than another. groups usually mean less to an individual because impact is diffused to different people in groups.
so why do i hate silence when there's just one other person around? ok, sometimes i dont. but sometimes not knowing what to say with 4 languages at my disposal is a total humbler. its tough times like that when i just surrender to the ghost of "i just dont know what to say"
its strange. but i feel that silence even when i'm sitting behind the computer
i got bounced around 3 doctors and i still havent got that op yet. when for the "surgery" today and all i got was a dumb consultation in 5 mins telling me what i knew coz the other 2 doctors told me so already. sian. $27 bucks, heck i was SAVING money for goodness sake. maybe spend it on improving my sad social life.
3rd day on my bread in school diet and its pretty fine but i have a craving for meat that is just crazy no matter how many slices of banana walnut loaf i shove down my mouth.
the guy who said hunger is the best sauce is right indeed. gerry still go and tempt me with snacks, some cheese biscuit. nevermind lah not like they are full meals.
to have no food to go home to sucks. you can have as big or as many helpings of rice as you wish. although i did have a char kway teow and hokkian mee for dinner last night, it just didnt fill me like homw cooked food would. also that was because all the shops that sold the kind of meat that i wanted to eat were closed.
but its still fine because this tells me that one loaf of bread can last me the whole day since i'm eating at 9pm or later.
oh and dammit i need a credit card. my debit one wont allow me to pay for movies online and that sucks too. and the tickets are selling out. i'm desperate to do something. or i cant watch a nice film festival movie and i dont know if i can get it outside. stressed. life doesnt get worse right.
operation is tomorrow then goodbye cyst, but that means no exercise for some time. so weight may come on. but hey with this diet of mine, i've actually dropped i pant size so heck some part of me must be shrinking.
was quite affected on monday when i watched the guys train. sian lah, theres no way for me to go back when i know the seniors will just find excuse to tekkan me for anything i bother to bring up. but i still had enough feeling to help correct some of the juniors in the exercises they were doing.
i wish i could have been more helpful, but its dangerous especially when i dont know who reads this. but i think in group trainings, some seniors should be there to check the form of the exercise too. yes this means that they may have to train harder on their own, but at least it helps the juniors pick up good habits and practices early. it also helps those seniors to spot and identify mistakes so they learn what to look out for and then eventually correct themselves too.
my humble opinion only, but like i said, have an opinion, who cares?
note to self....
you are not cool enough yet. only pay your own school fees, others are working to support their family too. you can still do more. dont be like all the other rich kids who just leach off their parents. have a sense of pride.
reminder: parents refuse your cash... oh well.
event of happiness. nobody beats you in the kitchen. muahahhaha i got the "feel-ling" lah
dad - i've been cooking it this style for one year
Save tonight and fight the break of dawn
