from green to black

clarity

funny thing in life is that you always get what you dont want.
yeah, you'd plan, execute and just when you think you've got
it, you realize you've got what you dont want. its a universal
constant. you think taking honours in school means you get a
higher paying job, you graduate in a recession where people
tell you that you'll be lucky to find one. then you realize
that much as we are the masters of our own destiny, fate will
find its way centrestage.

as i try to reason with myself even more before i actually say
anything, especially since female traits are strongly exhibited
among this group of guys, and they are ever quick to take
offense since they dont have any better solutions, i will try
to limit it to the privacy of my blog. its funny how we used
to crack the joke, lane 1, edward. lane 2 team blah blah. it
was to show how much one person did, he could never accomplish
much by himself. of course there was a moral to the joke. but
what if i had lane 2, xyz primary school + 3 teachers ic? is
it fair to have guys who give all their heart out exerting but
dont amount to much substantially holding you down?

training is a weird word, everybody inexperienced has a different
understanding of it. i dont say my guys are training, i say they
are exerting because they are getting themselves tired, but the
tiredness does not lead to improvement. they like to give excuses
for their failures, because i'm weak, bad genes etc and no one
likes to take responsibility. its comical. but i've had enough.
i've had enough laughing at others stubbornness, the joke has left
a bad taste in my mouth. if the focus has always been the way
advice has been said rather than the advice itself, i dont think
i should put up with immaturity. my quest to find the toughest
guys in school should really move on to another sport. unless i
want to be an adonis, weightlifters dont float my boat.

i stay on for the people i'm carrying down with me jeffery, because
i owe him, joseph because i succeeded him, my old group leaders
because i should "outlive" them, and my batch because i'm a part
of them. when the season ends, there really isnt much to stay for.
i've passed down enough technique and advice to ben, so i've been
responsible enough to pass down what i've learnt, at this point
i cant say i'll feel guilty of being irresponsible. i'll
definitely miss the training intensity.

it tough, but i really need to be stronger than this, i can break
off any emotional entanglements. i'm not supposed to live like
this. there is no "i" in team, but the critics are the hypocrites
who are actually the most selfish and live of their life accusing
others. like they bothered with any background solutions. haiz.
have to endure 1 more month of enduring emotional cheapshots.

posted by green unseen @ 7:28 AM