from green to black

mind games

yup thats the title of one of the library
books i passed around for readings to my
guys. it was a succinct recapitulation of
many of the lessons i've learnt and practised
already. it also helped me improve my performance
today, so i'm well pleased.

it was our first official training after the
break and i guess i'm quite happy that it
is different first of all. do the same thing
get the same result you see. the program was a
96 run; front, side, side of medicine ball,
3 sets of 15 pullups, 25 push ups, leg raises
and crunches, car park sprints under 1.20 and
300m on the ergometer machine.

needless to say, i was dead tired. we clocked
the fastest group timing of 7.40mins for the
96 run. i did an extra set of 3 mins of the
medicine ball throws. and i hit the car park
waaay too aggressively for the sprints. i
experienced a little bit of acid reflux and
chest tightness, but i still had my ergometer
left. how did i react?

well that was interesting because i applied the
techniques which were still fresh in my mind. i
was tired but i knew that i could easily do 300m
because i had done much longer distances before.
on our last test i did 1000 in 3.29. hence i
expected to be able to last easily.

however the question wasnt about lasting. it was
about beating everyone i could even when i felt
down. i wanted to be able to share with some
"emotional" people what i mean by mental strength
and being in control of their emotions because
i really feel that they have much potential to
achieve, but perhaps this attachment to being
emotional drags them down? maybe.

so anyway i saw that some people made a timing
of 57. i saw the beast increasing his work rate
at the end of his set. i saw many people cheering
at the good timings their teammates made. i was
inspired to do better. i saw ah fu hitting 55.
and i thought to myself, if ah fu who hasnt been
training regularly can hit 55, wouldnt it make
a mockery of all my effort if i was slower than
that? i was determined to be better than 55.

but i was really tired, i felt my lungs being
tight and burning. my mouth was dry and my spit
was white and thick. one side of me said to
myself, why work so hard? its just training.
for a moment, i was really tempted to just,
"pull the usual" average 1.45/500m lor, no one
will know what.

on the other hand another side of me was
calculating and planning. i knew that i could
hit anywhere between 26-33 pulls per minute
on average. so i estimated that i would hit
300m in about 40 strokes. then i told myself
if 40 strokes were the difference between a
gold and disappointment what would i choose?
i would go with the 40 of course! i can deal
with the pain later. and i resolved to do it,
i blocked out my negative thoughts and said
ok, 40 hard 10 strokes.

and i pulled, i was confident i could. i
watched my average speed go below 1.40/500m
and i kept it there. i counted each stroke
and told myself, its just a few left. 40
strokes only. and i did it. i just did.
i hit 54 and it felt good. the most important
reason was this. not that i was faster or
stronger than ah fu, but because i conquered
myself. i did not let my tiredness and pain
get to me. i was focused and i achieved my
aim. systematically. i had planned and i was
right.

the most important part was i did not let my
emotions determine how i'd react but i determined
my outcome even before i sat down in the rowing
seat. i told lap cheong later that it didnt
matter that i did 54, but if i could bring up
the rest to do 54 with me. maybe i can tell
that emo friend that it is not that the world
doesnt need emo babies, but that if emoing
can cause you to lose precious seconds, i would
be a bad team mate if i did not force you off
it.

i'm not going to rub it in, but the question i
really want to ask you is, does what you are
doing (angsting over things you cannot control)
improve your performance in any way? we'll
work together and improve together, and maybe
you'll understand why i behave differently.

someday.

posted by green unseen @ 9:00 AM