from green to black

ladies first

not well at all recently, my nose has been bleeding for almost
a week, 2 days more than my fever. i have no idea how i caught
this disease but it seems like i'm not gonna be well anytime
soon. the throat is inflamed but not infected, weird. and i'm
well during the day. or is it every 12 hours. malaria? but i
seem to be taking it too well. i'm even able to fully exert on
a race set. we did 2:03 but we would still be last in the finals
had we gone in. we were in the power heat so, it would have
been like a final anyway. and of course, i'd say we were well
shamed by the girls who emerged champions by more than 2
boatlengths. although if i were a junior, i dont think it would
have affected them at all since they have never won and so they
would never need to feel a sense of shame. i'd say the same for
some of the seniors as well, but i dont think i should go there.

the hotel we stayed at was crappy. the bed, the room, the food,
the service and the security. it was the worst food i had in
malaysia for a damn long time, and thats saying a lot because
i generally have a better opinion of malaysian food than of
singapores. i was bitten by bed bugs in the hotel. HOTEL!
BEDBUGS! dammit. i was suffering throughout the trip. and on
the last night, the pimps decided to bring their girls indoors.
the lift lobby had men with walkie-talkies conducting operations.

as for the races, i kept seeing clowns racing. all finish so
strong, looking good. look, thats not what coach wants. who
cares how strong you finish. you're still last. you still have
something more to give, and you can stil be happy going back
empty handed! i'm really not in a winning team with a winning
mindset anymore.

agm was ok, although i cant really agree with some of the things
hong.da said. undermine training? casting doubt? just do? think
about all the injuries that were prevented. is lifting weights
all he thinks about? lift so much weight can be stronger than
junhong or cheehong meh? look at the weights these experienced
people lift. as heavy as yours? no. but they master technique
and feel more. now you want to put sub-9ers on the boat. good!
but really when they are so fit, are they really so strong in
the water. i'm more than ready to admit that you have no choice
and this is the best you can do at this point. i did try to help
and suggest to you imputs when you became captain. i suggested
so many things that helped you out. and what did you think? i
was trying to undermine you?

complaining like what i'm doing now is useless. i always try to
argue things before they are done. now when they are done, there
is nothing left to be said. whatever is said wouldnt help anyway.
if we cannot face truth and facts and the hard knocks before
the shit happens, we can never expect to win can we? isnt it
ironic that the guy who follows the least performs the best.
save ben when he decided he had to start twisting properly.

all i did was follow the training regime and follow it well.
i never took shortcuts just to boost my ego that i cant do it
with a heavier weight. whats the use of following the crowd
when you are just lying to yourself?

i'm also amused by the miscommunication during the race sets.
doesnt anybody plan for things to happen that doesnt follow the
plan? who plans for backups? cannot hear calls is a damn bad
excuse for underperforming on a set. we should be so well drilled
that anybody can call the charge, the only reason why we let
1 caller do it is because we want to ensure unity. but if he
doesnt call, one should be giving and rallying others anyway.
a missed opportunity may not present itself twice. this is so
amateurish, with so many races under our belt we still make the
same mistakes.

faith. belief. trust.
who do you take me for? a fool?
why cant people ACT like they want to win more.
force themselves to do what they dont normally do.
humble themselves to learn new stuff.
get it into their head that they suck, so that they can
lose their personal pride in order to achieve something that
they may actually be proud of.

i make no apologies for my attitude, because i am way better.
why cant i make them hate me enough to beat me?
ugh. apathetic NATO pigs. i'm gonna see a doctor.

posted by green unseen @ 9:38 PM