from green to black

heave a sigh

ok ok, so the other entry is a memory now
and i've thought it over and i think, it
isn't a big deal at all. words are cheap,
promises dont get kept, people will treat
the others as expandable. grow up, stop
being an idealist and just accept the
world as it is. yes it will be hard for me
since i've always tried to aspire to an
ideal, but its not going to save my blood
pressure isnt it. political realism and
economic self interest determine the
movements of the world, resignation and
not resistance is the way to go.

forget it dude. you will be in a
predominantly chinese, hierachical and
confucianist society that eschews values
that you champion. worry about the more
important things. stop caring about people.
you only hurt because you care. look at
the best examples who have a carefree look
at life. life is fun, laughter, peace and
joy. no need to worry about improvement,
or of greater causes. society serves to
perpetuate itself, flawed but complete.
improvements are but epochs, drastic, few
and far between.

i should worry about this. how am i going
to deal with 6 modules. i'm starting to
realize that language modules are crazy
and not as simple as i thought they might
be. projects are also what i want to avoid.
too bad now. its done. i've bid for it. i've
got it. i'll push through it. no matter the
cost.

i should worry about this. my kid is back
so i will have regular income again. what
should i teach. what values should i pass
down. how do i present information that it
can be easily digested. how much time should
i spend with him, is there a better way to
meet his needs.

i should worry about my pro bono work. how
much should i volunteer. how much time can
i afford to spend? life isnt about the
pursuit of attainment alone, can i still do
this and do it well?

i should worry about getting good rest. how
can i overcome my bad sleeping habits. that
restful sleep eludes me has always been a
cause for concern. how can i improve the
way i rest.

i should worry about my social life. how much
longer must i sacrifice it all, when my friends
of old have drifted apart. the experiences
are but faint memories in which the joy of
the moment is savoured in less than its full
measure if we gather to reminisce. when the
joy of friendship turns cold, what holds?

i should worry about my physical activities.
have i forgotten why i am doing the things
i am? have i misplaced my priorities.

i should worry about god. when things go into
their full swing, and i forget him totally
and try to do it on my own strength. when i
run away from the close relationship with him.
am i making the biggest mistake of all?

maybe these are the greater causes for worry.
afterall, give rich people an extra dollar
and your act of charity is an insult. likewise
time should be spent on worthwhile pursuits.
a definition i should re-examine.

posted by green unseen @ 10:01 AM