from green to black

waste of time

anyway one might be confused that i go back to row
on weekends. i cant be bothered for weekdays
though even if i do go for the most of their trainings.
i figured that its just me to want to occupy my time so
much that i cant do anything else. you know, like when
you want to give an excuse not to do anything, like go
out and spend money or go to some irritating girl's
birthday its really nice if you can just say that you
have something better to do. anyway i like the fact that
there are many many kaya.king sessions, i get to pick up
another sport for "free" although what i really want is
the the c-canoe. i guess i'll have to wait 1 more sem.

anyway i'm not exactly going to be regular since i have
dance class on fridays so as long as i can keep slacking
as i am without needing to row in any races i'll be very
happy since i can keep fit without the accountability of
actually needing to be very fit. (even then its impossible
with my lung condition no?) i actually collapsed while
riding one the bike while i was very tired recently but i'm
lucky there were no cars. it was pretty late already. hah.

so anyway i was made to sit through another useless debrief
today and in my mind i was just looking at the freshies and
thinking "pussies, pussies, pussies" after all, whats the
point of gyming, training so much yet being unable to be
faster on a boat with better glide than a boat with many
6 month never row seniors right? basically, if i train any
harder, i'm wasting my effort with people who dont train so
much, dont put in so much, are not serious and want to win
anyway.

hmmmmm i notice i can always blog so much when i talk about
the team. ok i digress. lets face it, everyone's going to say
all the right words and then, so many just dont make it a
point to come for training. what to do? waste my time.

so anyway, we'll talk about mental strength and sacrifices
today. i dont think we will push past the current standard
until we are ready to consistently face the pain of rowing
harder. that is we should sacrifice our comfort to ensure that
we always get better after we train. facing that pain barrier
takes mental strength because we dont like to feel pain.

but i was thinking now that certain things in my life are
headed towards a certain direction how much am i prepared
to sacrifice, bleed, pay to ensure everything goes well.
the answer is a no brainer of course. everything. if it
means that much to me, then no less then everything will
do. so the question is, when everything is taken (for which
i have to mentally prepare myself for) will i still hold
my values and priorities constant? i'm betting that i will.
but only times gonna tell. its gonna be a long holiday ahead.

posted by green unseen @ 12:20 AM