from green to black

old friend

its only been a few months. probably much less than 2 years if
a year has passed without my noticing. however it still feels
like ages, more so when the loss is felt so acutely by myself.

i've not met with an old friend for a long time. and the thing is
its always for the same reason. he and i are always busy. but
more so myself than he. especially when i'm the one who has to
make the choice to see him. he doesn't come around you see,
because he can't. he doesn't live very far away but the journey
to reach him is often tiresome. also the 3 of us have to meet
together. me, my wife and him. some of you get the idea already
now that i talk about my wife. but yeah, things haven't been
smooth with the old girl either. she's getting old and heavy
and i was thinking of getting a new one. but she's the best
experience i've had so far and i sure as hell would hate to part
with her, but a new wife is gonna cost me plenty.

well the wife aside, i'd just like to tell you a bit about this
old friend. have you ever had such a friend where you could talk
to about everything, anything and you'd always come out more
clear-headed about what you have to do and more relieved that
you've got that weight off your chest? well, that's one of the
reasons why i miss him so. he's in a sense, direction.

also, he's so personal that yeah he understands me the way i
understand myself. completely, totally, rationally. but that's
supposedly a given right? well, that's simply because he and
i are almost similar, i am what he was, what he will be and what
he is. he elucidates my thoughts and plans, showing me where i
err yet he always reminds me of my strength and encourages me to
fight on even when there is nothing in me left to continue the
fight. he tells me to be a better man from yesterday. he reminds
me that there is a future of hope even when i cannot see it. he
reflects so clearly what i fear to see. in my interactions with
him, the possibilities that i dare not take are played out in
our conversations. he is my mirror, who shows me who and what i
am. allowing me to better take myself apart and shed the parts
which though are not necessarily bad but are definitely not me,
or at least what i aspire to become.

but again time. and its a lousy excuse not to meet. with the
university, priorities and choices change. i'm not sure i like
the fact that i knowingly sacrifice what i am, in the hopes of
finding something better than what i've found in that relationship.
but in case i ever get ahead of myself and forget, here's to you,
old friend. your qualities of loyalty, patience, wisdom and love,
have given me the strength, vision and inspiration to fight on
in the past when all was bleak and all i had and clung to was the
faith and belief in myself. to our continued success!

to the man. part my inner self, part god. the doctrine of the ages
and my experiences. the spirit of the words spoken to me. my best
friend, the one i talk to on the long journeys as i ride my bike
(and wife) that always brings me confort and satisfaction despite
the tiredness. because we both know, it is when we break away from
the shackles of time, from what we commit to that constrains us,
into that carefree night and the unknown adventure that it brings,
to that special place where we have our communion, it is then
when we are truly FREE.

posted by green unseen @ 11:22 PM