from green to black

the future holds

i need help. i dont wanna look back. its time to change
but i cant find the inspiration to do something different.
things just seem boring and no its not because i'm
apathetic or emo, they just dont have the challenge or
it just doesnt inspire the joy.

its still 1 more year before school ends and i'm dreading
the start of work. when you've been forcing yourself to
grow up its weird when you actually have to. when you
actually have to make priorities instead of just having
it all.

then there are also lifestyle choices. being less
individualistic feels really weird to me. when i
realized that right and wrong arent as clear as black
and white then maybe it isnt so important to be right
as it is to get along. but how does one get along
with a world of morons, that is the question.

who is going to force discipline on me when i get
out on my own. taking away my need to rebel just
sucks the creativity out of me, after all why be
so sharp or smart since all you're gonna do is listen
to some dumber guy who happens to be your boss because
he's older than you. and there will also be the uptight
ambitious young punk.

then comes the idea of providing for more than
myself. aged parents and siblings and families.
how much is enough? at what expense providence.

how do i deal with this when my character strongly
resists change? where is the unknown i must start
treading. i need answers, but it seems the older
people get, the more they know but the less answers
they have. sigh.

posted by green unseen @ 5:33 AM