from green to black

we only end to start again

well, looks like its time to start the next phase of my life.
never quite ended this one but i guess thats why its called
continuity, because i will never really leave my past far far
behind. it catches me when i least expect it, saves me, shames
me, the whole gamut. however i'm taken in on how much the past
is coloured by the present, how hindsight is harsher yet more
forgiving, probably a benefit of maturity. the training
workshop over the past 3 days was most welcome as i had to dig
out my learning skills again, to re-learn what is not taught.
boy oh boy, i had so many ideas. its so strange, i always
have ideas before it comes out in the mass media. what i was
thinking about came out in the newspapers again today. this
concurs with my belief that i'm cutting edge but is the post
i have now sufficient to change the outcome of a whole system.
i wonder. right now passions are high but is it enough? but
like dumas says wait and hope.

oh and this would be of interest to all you high mighty with
no soiled history or whatever. i met my second 'grandmother'?
for the first time in my whole life yesterday. i am stunned.
there were so many thoughts running through my head. it
reminded me of the time when i was in my teens walking in the
rain and wondering if i was adopted.(you mean you've always
thought my parents looked like me?!) haha. ok but a wave of
feeling rose in my heart because i finally realised how broken
one side of my family really is. that it takes this auntie,
gentler, cultured and so much more would take care of an
old man who is now so weak. my granddad is suffering from
parkinsons. but really, how they made do impressed me. i'm
also proud that both sides were very civil. i know how my
grandmother reacted. i'm just glad that for my side, we are
able to move on.

i felt so nostalgic there. i loved the hdb life, small, simple
close and connected. i loved how 'grandma' explained culture
and all to me from the wooden carvings to the chinese words.
simplicity. exactly what is lacking these days. you'd never
have peace with 2 women around. its true, never seen my mom
get along well with her mom or dad's. but that is besides
the point. hopefully i can drop by once in a while to help
them out. and maybe i can learn more about my family and roots.

todays service was very interesting, i really liked the
hokkien worship segment. then i'm going for watch night.
well i'm happy that life is more settled for me even though
i think i'm getting especially boring. oh well, there is a
season for everything. may i be what God intends me to be.

posted by green unseen @ 3:40 AM